To refuse 25% vs 75% split ownership of house?

[peevedpartner]

In short: we have sold our house and are hoping to exchange on a new home soon. Husband wants to have the house 25% in my name while the other 75% is in his name.

I don’t know how much info or back story is.l needed to provide additional context, but I will try and summarise below:

DH and I have jointly owned our current home for 15years. We also jointly own a flat that we'd like to sell in the next couple of years. We are upsizing soon to a larger home to accommodate our family.

The new home is roughly double the size and value of our current home. We were only able to purchase the new house due to a substantial amount of money that was given to us from his mother (essentially an early inheritance). The money from his mum is roughly 25% of the total value of the new house.

I work full time while DH runs his own business. He makes approx 3-4 times as much as I do, and is able to write a lot of the family expenses off under his business. So while he says he pays for everything, that isn't 100% true because some bits such as mobile phones, and other small expenses are written off as business expenses.

We live a good lifestyle. I don't ask for much. I give DH 40% of my paycheque each month. I put 14% into a long term savings account, some goes into short term savings, credit card payment, life insurance, etc. I put 14% into my monthly spending account to cover things for myself such clothing, hair cuts, activities, coffee / meals out with friends, etc.
I don't eat much while at home, so I don't cost a lot to 'keep around'. I also pay for some of the children's clothing, a weekly activity class and other bits when they need them.

DH covers the bulk of the household expenses including school fees, children's activities, the bulk of the mortgage, household bills, etc. A lot of the monthly expenses would be viewed as luxuries, but he refuses to compromise on them for the sake of the children.

DH has several expensive hobbies that require a lot of space which is partly why we have had to move into a much larger home. Without them and the space they require we could make do with a smaller home. He wouldn't like that though, as he likes the 'status' and feeling of achievement that comes with a larger home.

DH has always had big aspirations and has done everything he can to make those happen. I am appreciative of this and have benefitted from them (house, etc). I have had a rough time career wise not living up to my (and his!) full aspirations and potential due to undiagnosed ADHD for 40years.

DH has always said I need to contribute more, and doesn’t think it’s right that he pays for everything. He says I don’t contribute anything and basically thinks I sponge off of him.

He doesn’t like my very small group of friends because the majority of them are divorced and / or aren’t high earners and are sponging off their wealthier husbands.

DH and I haven’t got the greatest relationship, but I would never leave him. He claims the same about me, but is verbally and emotionally abusive a lot of the time and has threatened me with divorce quite a few times over the years, but then says he’d never actually do it.

We are now at a cross roads where he is essentially making me agree to and sign the papers that say I’m only entitled to 25% of the house in the event of divorce. He claims he’s STILL giving me 25% and believes he’s being generous because I ‘don’t contribute anything’ and haven’t put any money towards the down payment.

I pointed out that I give him 40% of my paycheque (with plans to contribute almost 50% in a couple months), but he said he has nothing to do with that because it’s the vale of the house and the money that his mum has given to us. So he’s trying to protect that because she wanted to give it as a gift so she could see our children have a nice house.

I do understand his point of view on that and the fact that £400k is essentially his inheritance. But for years and years he’s made me feel worthless because he’s always said he wished I earned more and I don’t contribute anything. But I work my ass off and have had my own struggles with ADHD that have held me back in so many areas of life and my career. As much as I’d love to I can’t go back in time and change that.

Now he’s being nasty and saying I’m showing my true colours and being greedy by wanting more than 25% of the house in my name. He keeps reassuring me that if something else happens like death it’d would all still go to me. But that it’s only if I divorced him that the 25% would come into play. He keeps saying if I divorced him, because he'd never divorce me. But it would be divorce in general.

I realise this has been long, and thank you for reading if you got this far.

I’m so hurt and upset right now I don’t know what to do. He’s throwing insults at me now insisting I’m only in it for the money and I’m showing my true colours, and just trying to make me look like a selfish evil person. I don't know what to do. I don't like fighting or arguing and I don't like being difficult. He's pressuring me to do this and I don't feel comfortable with all of this.

Sorry last message app won’t let me edit!

what I was trying to say was weirdly that

In the UK, inheritances are generally considered non-matrimonial property. This means they are not automatically included in the division of marital assets. However, if the inheritance was mingled with marital assets or used for the benefit of the family (e.g., to purchase a family home), it may be considered part of the marital assets.

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"He says I don’t contribute anything and basically thinks I sponge off of him."
Wait till he finds out how much you would get when you divorce him.
But seriously OP, he's abusive, both psychologically and financially. Or is it somehow worth it to have this lifestyle which tbh, you don't seem to be getting much out of except living in a big house which you've been bullied into signing your part of away?
Please get help, you are in a cycle of abuse.

You can afford it, because 50% of your joint assets earned during marriage are yours, as a starting point. That’s the law.

It's not technically an inheritance, it's a gift of money, so it would be counted in divorce proceedings afaik.

I can’t get over the fact that he’d divorce you if your children were assessed for ADHD.

Not a good man.

Please get your children out of this situation, it may be difficult now but they will thank you in the future. The therapist that told you that you are living the difficult, is also saying the same about your children. Everytime he shouts swears and reduces them to tears, it is damaging them emotionally and they do not have the choice to leave. They are stuck until one of their parents make a change. It doesn’t sound like it’s going to be your DH, so they are relying on you.

Agree.

That is true.

An inheritance is when the person has died.

It's also worth bearing in mind that if his mum gives this gift and lives for less than 7 years, it will go into the pot of her estate. Under 7 years there is a sliding scale of IHT.

Anything over £3K pa is counted as an 'extra' gift and the 7 year rule applies.

While a declaration of trust is legally binding, divorce courts have the power to vary or set aside its terms. This means the court can disregard the declaration's stipulations if they believe it would lead to an unfair outcome in the divorce settlement.

OP please read the above post.

You must get away from this man. Please don't let him treat you and the children badly. He's a terrible father, he's not allowing them to be tested for ADHD, he's treating their mother like something on the bottom of his shoe and he'll be training them to tiptoe around him and not question him.

Your therapist is right - unless you are willing to leave this abusive pos, you can't be helped because you're living with the problem

My friend’s mum died just before my friend’s divorce came through, and her selfish lazy cheating husband got a share of her inheritance. I don’t know if it was 50%. But I know the old lady would have been so sad he got money she had saved for her daughter and GC.

I am not a legal expert, but I think inheritance is usually protected, although the court has discretion to decide to include it in marital assets. This is certainly what happened to my friend and her ex-husband on their divorce. Court took the decision not to treat it as a joint asset in her case. And they did have children together. But each case is different and so you could seek legal advice about the merits in your case.

Gifts are more complicated, as I understand it. The court will take into account the terms of the gift, any legal declarations etc signed. It could be treated as a marital asset if invested in a family home, but if your MIL were to set terms- which there are legal ways she could do so, I believe- or if you signed a legal agreement to split of assets, then the court could deem that binding. I would get legal advice regarding this too- I would not leave something like this to chance. I would not sign that declaration without getting legal advice.

1st post nailed it yet again

Btw, this is my first “LEAVE THE BASTARD!”

OP you can absolutely do better than this selfish prick 💐

If it was me and we had previously jointly owned our home or even 50/50 and he now wanted a new home with a 25%/75% split, I would think my marriage was on the rocks. and he is thinking long term that the relationship will not survive.

He needs to stop being a bully and be honest and you need to realise that he is diminishing your self confidence and comes across as very controlling from what you have said.

I can't think of any reasonable justification for not wanting the best for his children and that includes addressing mental and physical health as they arise.

Nope, I’d say your financial situation is nearly identical to ours. My Dh makes at least 3x what I make (actually at the moment, I’m out of work due to illness so he is paying 100% for everything, the small amount of money I get each month in sickness, about £350, covers personal expenses and incidentals for me). He also writes a lot off through his business. We equally have a big house, good lifestyle, expensive hobbies (I have a horse!).

When we bought our house, I put in about 25% of the purchase price from an inheritance. Dh pays about 75% of the mortgage because of what we pay into joint accounts (at the moment, obviously he pays 100%). We own our house as joint tenants 50/50. No way would I consider anything differently even though I put in £225k of the deposit from my own money. We are a family unit and though we maintain our own personal money, the house is a family asset, not a personal investment on either of our parts. Absolutely no way I’d do it any differently. And dh would never even think to suggest it.

And if his Mum comes to the local council asking for care anytime soon, they would be asking why she gave £400k to her son. Nasty nasty man. She might need that for her care. That could be the difference between round the clock care in her home to going into the cheapest home the council provides.

I do understand his point of view on that and the fact that £400k is essentially his inheritance.

But it's not an inheritance as his mother is still alive.

It's a gift. Anecdotally it's an early inheritance but legally it's a gift.

And if she dies within 7 years there will be 40% IHT payable if her assets are above the limit.

It could also be seen as deliberate deprivation- if she needed a care home next year for instance and had to rely on the local authority to house her, or to gain benefits.

Not necessarily. If the inherited monies are never used as a joint asset they remain the property of the inheritor and never become part of the marital assets.

My guess is Ops husband has taken legal advice because he is unconvinced of the longevity of the marriage and is ensuring he protects it from Op in the event of a divorce.

@PrincessofWells This thread is partly based on a false premise as far as the money goes at least,

It's not an inheritance. It's a gift. OP refers to it as 'his inheritance' but the fact is his mum is alive so it's a gift.

It's an 'early inheritance' but legally it's a gift and will go into the joint assets pot.

Gifts over £3K fall under the 7 year IHT rule.

He could only potentially ringfence it if they were unmarried OR if OP agrees to buying the new house as a Declaration of Trust (and I'm not even sure if you can do that if you're married.)

The lump sum came from his mother - it's irrelevant as to the source for this point. The point is that following the Standish Supreme Court judgement, monies can be held aside and never become part of the monies available to the other party in divorce. So I'm sorry to correct you but you are wrong.

Look at the Standish SC judgement because it has changed the law regarding monies available to be divided up at divorce. It certainly is possible now to withhold money throughout the marriage and if that was never available to use by the spouse throughout the marriage it will not form part of the divorce settlement for the spouse.

He sounds a bit like my ex. I was also useless and brought nothing to the table but he fell apart without me and couldn’t manage…

Is there any possible reason he could be projecting? All of this true colours nonsense could be a way of getting a bigger house and then effectively easing you out of it with minimal expense.

As others have said, he clearly doesn’t like you, is abusing you and therefore is a bad and abusive father. Anyone who abuses the other parent in front of their children is an abusive parent. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, I really am. And I know that leaving will feel like an awfully big hill to climb but I promise you that the view from up there is bloody marvellous.

Why are you forcing your children to live with being abused? You might not fancy leaving him but when you have children you have a responsibility to put them first and to keep them safe.

Fair enough to ring fence Mum’s £400k. After that you should be entitled to 50:50. That’s fair. Or don’t sign anything and just get divorced taking 50:50 x