How unreasonable is this? Ouchy feet.

[OuchyFeet]

I have a really lovely DH so I know this is unreasonable but I pretty much never feel angry at him so want to know how unreasonable this is...

DH is exceptionally fit. He exercises on average 2 hours a day. I'm active, but not fit.

I just recovered from long covid which left me with breathing issues, fatigue etc and I'm perimenopausal so tire easily and struggle with the hot weather, plus after a 25 year career of working on my feet I've got plantar fasciitis.

So nowadays if I'm on my feet for several hours I'll be in severe pain during and afterwards.

So anyway yesterday I booked a very full day. We live in London so going anywhere (unless we taxi) is usually a lot of walking rather than jumping in the car, and I'd arranged..

12pm lunch across town with DH and family

3.00pm history walking tour of London with DS 22

7.00pm book signing / talk with DS 22 across the other side of London

So anyway, I was quite worried about the sheer length of the day and had booked these things because DS 22 has been depresssed.

So when we finished lunch early, what I wanted to do was just sit, have coffee, then get a taxi across town to start the walking tour as I was already worried about the day being too much.

But after lunch, DH started suggesting we "go for a walk" as it was "such a nice day" and I said I didn't want to get tired and sweaty before my walking tour.

He sort of pushed and suggested we "sit by the river" and I acquised... to cut a long story short this ended up being a 60 minute schlep to the river, via two hot and sweaty tubes with loads of stairs and lots of walking by which time we'd reached nowhere and i was a sweaty mess.

I ended up getting really, really cross and snapping at DH saying I'd told him I didn't want to make myself hot and tired before I started and just jumped in a taxi and left him there.

He apologised, but I ended up dehydrated (to a point I felt dizzy for the rest of the day) my plantar fascitus was agony which is still killing me, my thighs got all chaffed and I've got blisters. I was limping by 6pm.

And I just still feel really annoyed at DH as over exertion in the heat just ruined my day and he didnt listen when i told him i needed to cap my exertion.

To what extent AIBU? My DH has apologised, but he has form for not accommodating the fact that I'm almost 50 and not as fit as he is and so I think it sort of built up over years and I just bubbled over...

Refer yourself to your local NHS physio by googling ‘MSK.. your county’ or search ‘how to self refer to an NHS physiotherapist in … town’. I did this for my diagnosis and treatment.

Completely agree with this!
I developed pf a few months ago and switched from Skechers to Asics last month. Also calf stretches before getting up in the morning and when sitting for longer periods of time.
It's pretty much cleared up now

That's exactly what I did say to him though.

Then I was told we'd just "go to the river" and sit, and I've got no local geography and ended up on a 50 minute jot, sweaty trek that I'd clearly said no to.

Thank you.

DH wasn't going on the history walk, it was just me and DS.

So he went home after sweaty-river-gate (and then texted me that he was really tired) 😐

This is really good advice. I've left it because it only hurts if I walk for hours, so I just don't want for hours.

There was a period two years ago that it got really bad and hurt all the time, especially first steps from bed (agony) but I did the exercises, swapped to sketchers from flip flops or sliders and just don't make plans to walk for entire days.

But if I could make it better with better shoes that's great advice!

@OuchyFeet that’s so annoying!

@NeverDropYourMooncup I'm off to a running shop after reading your super helpful post at 17.45 😁

But you knew you were going on a walking tour in the sun so why wouldn't you have taken a bottle of water with you?

Thanks. I know I did overreact. I never get angry at my husband because he's generally just so easy to get on with but I felt like he ruined my day.

I'd spent close to £300 on this day out with my son, who was depressed, and I was in genuine bloody agony and limping and hardly able to think through the pain and I was just SO ANNOYED 😂

I was already worried about such a long day in the heat, I knew I'd be knackered and was worried about needing to wee on the tour so I'd drunk less than normal and ended up with no time to grab a drink and it was just so hot and so much standing.

I alnoat never do things without my husband amd I think he was being selfish because he fancied a walk in the sun and he didnt care if it was too much for me.

Not to mention DS 22 also is only 5 weeks out of a cast for a broken ankle and he ended up in pain too, so it really hampered our days plans which were expensive.

Thanks for letting me moan and for the great foot advice. DS said it was one of his best days ever, regardless!

Because I thought I had an hour between lunch and my walk to get a bottle of water from the shop. The meeting place was nowhere near a shop (or toilet!) and we barely made it.

You need to be firmer from the off.

I'm gym fit and also have plantar fasciitis. It's a pain in the arse and you have to take it into account when planning a lot of activity. There's no way I would have agreed and I can walk miles fitness wise.

I think you had a reasonable planned day that you had paced well for your abilities and desires (ie not to get hot and sweaty!)

i am similar- slightly unfit with aches and pains and also had PF.

I have do not negotiate. I’d DH wants to go for a walk he can. I will get and Uber and meet him there.

“No, you can if you want to but I am getting a taxi.”
if he presses “no my feet will hurt and I will feel unwell. You can walk or get a taxi with me” sometimes DH doesn’t understand as it’s not necessarily quicker.

also carry water co coda op and naproxen and roll feet in ice bottles

Good luck OP. YANBU for saying ouchy feet 🦶

Heck you’re 50, not 90! Workout how to best recover from the long covid (see specialists) and workout how to resolve the issue with your feet and then get fitter. I’ve had the same foot problem and these insoles completely resolved it. However your partner should listen to you more and be more considerate. Best hold your boundaries next time and don’t compromise.

OP just some PF advice and sympathy. It's horrible and can be so painful. I had it for 18 months and some days it reduced me to tears. A good physio and shockwave therapy can really help. I had 3 rounds and a year of physio and 4 years on I'm still pain free. Good luck with it - it's a bugger to treat.

Yup. My DH is like this, you’ve got to be very firm. Sorry op I know how you felt, have been there several times

You are unreasonable for using the term ‘ouchy feet’ 🤣

They were ouchy. What can I say.

YABU booking all that stuff in one day. I would never have done the walking tour AND the book launch on the same day.

YABU not taking a bottle of water out with you on a hot day.

YABU not saying no to sitting by the river. Your DH and DS could have done their thing and met you at the walking tour.

YABU doing a walking tour at all with plantar fasciitis! What possessed you, woman?? Why didn’t your DH and DS do it together while you sat in an air conditioned cafe and had a nice cup of tea?!

My depressed son is into history, and so I planned a talk and walk on his topics of interest as he was feeling bored and lonely. He's on uni holidays and has no friends in London.

He doesn't have a Dad - he's not related to my husband, we married when he was 16.

So I planned something nice to do with my son, for him, to help him feel better, and was annoyed that my husband made something already difficult for me, much more difficult 😊

I was recommended these for my foot issues. They might help you too.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0D66LJVWK

I cant quite understand the decision making though

The first thing I would have done if someone says 'lets go to x place', is to pull up google maps and then I see where I am in relation to x place, then decide if I want the hassle of getting there.

You say in another post about getting dehydrated and not being able to buy water, but again thats on you, you can pop into any corner shop, or kiosk which you have passed many on the journey in and out of tubes or along the road, just get yourself a couple of bottles of water. I carry a couple of bottles in my bag on hot days if I know Im travelling on public transport and will be hot.

I wouldnt say he was controlling, he wanted to go for a walk, probably moaned when you initially said no I cant do it and then you acquiesced. All you had to do is say, no Im going to have my coffee here, I'll meet you later for the walk.

Not the point of your post but get shockwave therapy for your plantar fasciitis. I’ve had two sessions and it’s really helped. Have to have five sessions in total so really hoping it will be cured.

Also I just want to say that I constantly feel like I have to put myself through agony as although DH and friends know I have PF they never really take it into account when organising things. Eg on holiday they’ll say let’s go for a long walk after dinner or we will go on a trip and they want to walk everywhere. I always feel like the lazy one when I hint at getting a bus or taxi.

If you haven't had it, and don't know or care what it is, plantar fasciitis barely registers with most people as something to pay attention to. Stop minimising it. Say, loudly, how painful and incapacitating it is and demand some consideration. Stop doing what other people think you should do and do what's good for you. If you don't do what's best for you how can you expect others to do do?

This is a really good point. I think I don't make a fuss and he doesn't realise how painful it is. I just limp along. I talked to him last night about how much it hurts and I probably need to do that more.