How unreasonable is this? Ouchy feet.

[OuchyFeet]

I have a really lovely DH so I know this is unreasonable but I pretty much never feel angry at him so want to know how unreasonable this is...

DH is exceptionally fit. He exercises on average 2 hours a day. I'm active, but not fit.

I just recovered from long covid which left me with breathing issues, fatigue etc and I'm perimenopausal so tire easily and struggle with the hot weather, plus after a 25 year career of working on my feet I've got plantar fasciitis.

So nowadays if I'm on my feet for several hours I'll be in severe pain during and afterwards.

So anyway yesterday I booked a very full day. We live in London so going anywhere (unless we taxi) is usually a lot of walking rather than jumping in the car, and I'd arranged..

12pm lunch across town with DH and family

3.00pm history walking tour of London with DS 22

7.00pm book signing / talk with DS 22 across the other side of London

So anyway, I was quite worried about the sheer length of the day and had booked these things because DS 22 has been depresssed.

So when we finished lunch early, what I wanted to do was just sit, have coffee, then get a taxi across town to start the walking tour as I was already worried about the day being too much.

But after lunch, DH started suggesting we "go for a walk" as it was "such a nice day" and I said I didn't want to get tired and sweaty before my walking tour.

He sort of pushed and suggested we "sit by the river" and I acquised... to cut a long story short this ended up being a 60 minute schlep to the river, via two hot and sweaty tubes with loads of stairs and lots of walking by which time we'd reached nowhere and i was a sweaty mess.

I ended up getting really, really cross and snapping at DH saying I'd told him I didn't want to make myself hot and tired before I started and just jumped in a taxi and left him there.

He apologised, but I ended up dehydrated (to a point I felt dizzy for the rest of the day) my plantar fascitus was agony which is still killing me, my thighs got all chaffed and I've got blisters. I was limping by 6pm.

And I just still feel really annoyed at DH as over exertion in the heat just ruined my day and he didnt listen when i told him i needed to cap my exertion.

To what extent AIBU? My DH has apologised, but he has form for not accommodating the fact that I'm almost 50 and not as fit as he is and so I think it sort of built up over years and I just bubbled over...

Not at all, I self diagnosed with Google! But it's in both feet so doubt it's mechanical. My heels still hurt now.

I should probably look more into it, but to be honest I don't really want to go on four hour walks anyway. I like being active, but i don't wa t days out to turn into boot camp!

Could still be mechanical, rather than structural.

Do your shoes wear down on one side earlier than the other?

Do you wear slip ons or other shoes/boots that don't have a solid arch support? A cushioned insole doesn't hold your arch up and stop your feet rolling in.

Any bunions? Does your foot look 'normal' and arched when you're off your feet but flatten out when you're walking?

Could you be turning your knee in but splaying your feet out on one or both sides like this \ / ?

Proper orthotics could really help.

Do your shoes wear down on one side earlier than the other?
Nope

Do you wear slip ons or other shoes/boots that don't have a solid arch support?
When i go walking i wear sketcher trainers, not sure if theyre any good! I started wearing Plantar insoles and they help.

Any bunions?
Nope

Does your foot look 'normal' and arched when you're off your feet but flatten out when you're walking?
My feet are pretty flat, I only see an arch if I lift my toes.

Could you be turning your knee in but splaying your feet out on one or both sides like this \ / ?
Yes I think I do that!

I bought various gadgets for plantar (rolling ball etc) and do the exercises and they help so I considered that as what I have.

Seeing my GP is an ordeal so I tend to only bother if it's a medical emergency nowadays.

Depends what Skechers and whether they happen to fit your foot perfectly - some of them are horrendous for PF as they're too squishy to do anything useful. If you're doing the \ / and turning your knee in, you're rolling inwards (overpronating) and not giving your foot the opportunity to work efficiently; you're continually making the arch flatten and overstretch/tear with every step.

A good thing to try if you're not up for a private podiatry appointment and custom orthotics is to go to a running shop - fashion trainers and shoes don't tend to have enough space for your toes to spread out, many people buy them too small and few have removable foot beds/insoles, but running ones do and the shop may also sell inserts that are designed to take the increased impact from running to provide more support. Go in the afternoon and get them to measure your feet properly as well - you could easily find that you need 1-2 sizes larger once you've been on your feet for a couple of hours and once a decent orthotic/insert is put into them.

Once your feet are properly aligned, you're not putting extra weight onto the fascia and making it tear, your posture is much better and biomechanically, you're not putting strain/uneven weight upon lower back, hip, knee, ankle and ultimately, your feet. Which means the fascia is less likely to tear all the little injuries in it that your body has been busy all night trying to repair as soon as you are standing and walking again.

The lacrosse ball of pain is a good thing - freezing a water bottle and rolling that (wear socks) is also good. The change in your posture and foot position from it being corrected will probably feel weird and make your shins/front of your ankle/achilles really ache at first, but after a while, it'll feel normal - don't give up on them as soon as you have a couple of pain free days, though, you need to keep wearing them or you'll be back to square one again.

Your DH should be able to be vaguely useful with knowing a decent running shop - I suppose if he's never had a running injury, he wouldn't know any of this, but most distance runners I know are normally pretty good on biomechanics and gait - and the shops are absolutely brilliant, especially if you're prepared to take a couple of pairs of last season's stock off their hands in the process.

Hope some of this helps you like it did me!

I have a chronic health condition which probably isn't helping; not directly affecting mobility but impacting my general wellbeing and energy. Sadly after more than two years of quite invasive tests, I was told there was nothing that could be done and I will just have to manage it as best I can for the rest of my life.

I don't 'identify' as old, I identify as middle-aged (quite contentedly).

Sympathies, OP. I hardly ever go for a walk with dh any more, since he always wants to go further and faster than I do. It’s not that I amble - I go at a normal walking pace - but he goes at what we call route-march pace.

So he doesn’t walk ‘with’ me - he goes ahead, and then with that infuriating ‘look how nobly patient I am’ expression, waits for me to catch up. Grrr!

YABU for using the term "ouchy feet" and for just going along with what your DH wants. Why didn't you just say no?

Thanks so much for the help!

I'll look at upgrading the shoes as they are quite loose.

I tested my walk and actually turn my feet outwards a bit, rather than inwards.

This is great advice, thanks, I'll go and get better shoes!

http://www.runnersworld.ltd.uk/acatalog/Our-Shops.html

These guys (Eastcote - original branch) are fantastic for getting you the right shoes. Fairly sure all of their shops have gait analysis now depending on where you are in London.

I have it (tarsal coalition) in both feet! One of the symptoms is flat foot, though that doesn’t mean you have it obviously.

if you have flat-foot you should be eligible for referral to podiatry? (for orthotics etc)

though I think you might have said you’re not up for this - totally understand difficulty with GP appointments etc.

Arch support and great shoes are great though regardless and having gait analysis.

Whatever you do - good luck!

When you have certain issues (like I do with being unfit, being overweight and until recently, having plantar fasciitis) you have to learn to speak up to those like your DH who won’t really understand what it’s like.
I went on holiday recently with my very slim fit non achy sister & had to be very clear and honest about what I could and couldn’t do.

Also always be prepared. I wear chub rub shorts under nice dresses even on short walks (the big blooomers company sell good ones), always carry a drink, and wear footwear that suits my foot problems.

With the plantar fasciitis I would wear arch support sandals on special occasions & most of the time wore new balance trainers with the insoles taken out & replaced with high arch support insoles. I also took naproxen and kept co-codamol in my bag.
I really recommend heat on your foot in the morning and ice in the evening, as well as daily stretches which can be found online. Now the PF is barely a problem for me. I’m not saying it’s cured but it’s a lot more eased off. Hope that helps.

Thanks for all the brilliant advice!

It’s not normal to be “dehydrated” 60 minutes after lunch, unless you hadn’t drank a thing all morning.

I was surprised to read that you are only in your 40’s - you should book a medical appointment to see if you actually do have plantar fasciitis and what can be done to impeove it, you should definitely mention the dehydration too. It doesn’t sound like you are looking after yourself very well.

Have a look at this website for what I think are pretty good pictures of what's happening - your toes are going out but your inner foot is likely going in. Might have weakened the structure of the shoe from the pressure on the sides as well;

Here

No means no.

It sounds like you have a hard time telling him no and he has a hard time hearing it.

I cant vote OP because I dont know what possessed you to book all those things in anyway and then agree to go for the walk

Your feet = your responsibility.

My plantar has been significantly reduced by shock treatment and the wearing of specific insoles.

I think you are over reacting OP
Your scheduled walk at 3pm wouldn't have been at a fast pace and you had the option of having a coffee on your own if you didn't want to accompany your husband on his walk.
Hours on sweaty tubes are part and parcel of everyday life for many people including running up and down stairs.
That includes sweaty and chafed thighs and increased discomfort for those with ailments inc plantar.
I appreciate that my post might appear harsh but I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I am older than you and have fibromyalgia and also have had plantar fasciitis and have problems with a hip and ankle, DH is fitter than me, but always asks if I am OK. What you had already organised was probably too much, I will find somewhere nice to sit and if DH wants to walk to a specific place or further than I feel able then he leaves me there and comes back.

You could have met DH at the start of the history walk, you need to assess what you can realistically do not make yourself ill trying to keep up with him.

My plantar fasciitis was much improved by electro shock treatment.

No clever diagnostics here but advice to be much more direct with your DH about what you can/can't do physically and being much more emphatic with 'no'. Sometimes, our spouses' options and capabilities change but we, especially women, have to be VERY direct and blunt to make it clear what is possible and what is not. So next time your DH suggests anything beyond the itinerary you planned, smile and say, 'I can't do that. I'll meet you at ... '

I was on a three hour walking tour in the sun. I didn't have time to buy water, because my husband messed around so much on this surplus walk before the event that I just about made it in time.

Have you seen a decent podiatrist? I have ongoing ankle issues from hyper mobility and had a massive flare up of an ankle last week, usually my better ankle so it was disablingly bad, I was hobbling. I saw a private podiatrist for. Biomechanical assessment, he gave me a xhNge to my orthotics and a rehab plan and a few days later I'm back to normal low grade pain levels. It was expensive but not as expensive as before I discovered orthodotics and once missed 3 months off work immobilized

And sketchers are awful, they're too soft, you want Asics

Ignore this comment OP. Unnecessarily judgemental and unkind. Until you can’t walk easily people don’t realise what an impact it can have on you. Nothing to do with age or looking after yourself.
As for your DH. Lesson learned for both of you: you to be more assertive. Him to listen to you.

The real issue was not that you didn't want to get hot and sweaty though, you didn't clearly express your needs and physical limits.
A more accurate response would have been:
No, I don't want to go for a walk. I'm already pushing it with the plans for today, any additional time on my feet will mean I will be in significant pain during the pre arranged activities.

I appreciate that you'd like him to be more considerate and empathetic which is fair enough. I think the only way that might happen is if you clearly articulate your needs. You need to advocate for yourself, as your dh does for himself