How would you feel?

[lotalemarshe]

I’m 25, dating a man who is 40. He is separated but still married and has two children. We’ve been together for a year.

This summer, I asked him not to go on his usual summer holiday with his ex wife and her family. He agreed, and they split their usual summer holiday in half so that he could go with the children and then she could go with the children.

He unexpectedly stayed for two extra days (Friday - Sunday) and I found out that it was because he wanted to stay for the weekend, despite his ex wife and her family having arrived on Friday, when he was due to leave. When I spoke to him on Friday, I asked how his journey home was and he said that he’d had to stay because they weren’t arriving until the next day. It turns out that this was a lie and that they’d all actually arrived that day. He then ignored me all afternoon on Saturday to avoid having to tell me (until close to 11pm) that he’d decided to stay for yet another day.

How would you feel? I feel betrayed, but am I wrong for feeling that way? He didn’t sleep with his ex wife or even in the same room as her (or at least that’s what he told me) but I feel like I’ve been cheated on regardless because he was out there on holiday playing happy families, pretending like I don’t exist, like our relationship is worth nothing.

You’re not wrong for feeling this way at all. I feel you’ve been reeled in and manipulated by a much older man.
Put it down to experience, let it shape your boundaries going forward, move on, it’s only a year, nothing in the grand scheme of things. OP you are in your prime and he’s no prize. Put him back in the sea. Good luck x

OP, through trial and error while OLD, I found out that you should never go out with someone unless they are single, or actually divorced. Separated? Pah! Just means they can have their cake and eat it. And someone 15 years older than you with two kids? Walk far and fast, OP, and find someone closer to your own age with no baggage.

Confused as to how they haven't told their own children? Has he not moved out? I think he has to continue to prioritize his children,which includes having a positive relationship with his ex (though not sleeping in the same bed..) but you are 25, this isn't the right relationship for you. Find someone closer to your age with no children so that you don't have to go through this drama. I think lots of people feel jealous about their partner having an ongoing relationship with the ex, and he will forever because they share children. He does not sound ready to be in a relationship right now.

I’d feel stupid OP

This relationship is not going to be good for you, believe me. For so many reasons.

Horrible comment - is this how you feel about all age-gap relationships?!

This is why most women would not date a married man.

Throw him back.