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Original poster

My son’s teacher said this- how would you take it?

73 replies

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:27

My little one is 3 and started at preschool nursery in the summer term. My other little one is 5 also started at 3 at the same school nursery. Older one is going to year 1 in September.

I was chatting to the teachers who were saying my younger one was very clever, but also very cheeky and not always the best at listening to the teachers. I said, yeah I remember my older one was like this as well, but as they get older they start to grow out of it and listen better.

I said something like, somehow my kids are a bit disobedient at 3.. or something like that.

the teacher went : ‘ well it’s very hard for you. You’re doing a lot, working full time. It’s hard to do it all and keep everything together ‘.. something along those lines.

I didn’t love that comment tbh. And before anyone comes at me to say that I was dismissive of the teacher’s telling me my kids don’t listen, I wasn’t. We talked at length about what they do to help and what I do to help at home and also how we can work together etc. I wasn’t dismissive, but having been through it before, 3 year olds are sometimes a bit like this and they grow out of it.

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but it felt like she was basically saying my kids don’t listen when they’re 3 because I have a lot on my plate and basically can’t educate them properly. Thoughts ?

OP posts:
DoRayMeMeMe · 10/08/2025 14:29

I think you are being very prickly about it.

DoRayMeMeMe · 10/08/2025 14:29

Has she hit a raw nerve somewhere inside you?

RosesAndHellebores · 10/08/2025 14:30

It may be a statement of fact. Perhaps you need to work on taking and using feedback constructively.

NuffSaidSam · 10/08/2025 14:31

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but...

No need for the but.

She was trying to be nice and supportive, probably didn't think through her comment fully. And? Do you give full thought to everything you ever say? Or sometime can things come out a bit clunky?

Be annoyed if you want to, but it can't be a pleasant way to live. You'd probably be happier if you could let stuff like this go.

BrentfordForever · 10/08/2025 14:31

Didn’t sound like he implied something about you

seems like they’re flagging an issue with the kid that you kind of dismissing

Original poster
thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:31

But 3 year olds not listening sometimes isn’t my fault ?

OP posts:
fourelementary · 10/08/2025 14:31

Are you thinking they are suggesting that you working FT means you outsource parenting and it shows? And then the child learns to behave when they enter school and have the consistency they lack in early years? I’m not sure what you think theyre saying… and why it bothers you.

fourelementary · 10/08/2025 14:32

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:31

But 3 year olds not listening sometimes isn’t my fault ?

Well it is if you don’t follow up on that and get them to listen by having consequences for not listening…

Original poster
thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:32

I feel like she was suggesting because I’m busy I don’t parent properly and therefore my kids don’t listen.

OP posts:
BetweenTwoFerns · 10/08/2025 14:33

She’s used to three year olds though, if she is teaching them. She mustn’t think they are disobedient and not great listeners or she wouldn’t have thought yours was out of the ordinary. That would be like saying ‘Charlie has elbows’.

FlutterShite · 10/08/2025 14:33

I get why you’re analysing it, but I honestly read that to mean she’s sympathising with you for having a lot on your plate. When you said your kids are cheeky at age three, it sounds like you’re implying it’s something to do with you – might she have been saying you shouldn’t blame yourself?

Thehop · 10/08/2025 14:33

Sounds like a very normal 3 year old.

BrentfordForever · 10/08/2025 14:34

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:32

I feel like she was suggesting because I’m busy I don’t parent properly and therefore my kids don’t listen.

But even if it she brought up your parenting, she tried to help you understand how you can do something about your kid’s behaviour

she did it in a cautious empathetic way as well

Doingtheboxerbeat · 10/08/2025 14:34

I think as a teacher she probably sees lots of children that age and yours may be a little more boisterous than the others - I don't know else she could have said it. Sorry.

Parksinyork · 10/08/2025 14:41

Firstly, if the teacher is raising it with you then their behaviour is beyond the average of they see everyday in school. As parents, if some thing isn’t how we would like it to be then we are the people who change our behaviour to hopefully influence how our child behave. I don’t know you or what is going on with your children, those changes maybe more 1:1 time, earlier bedtime, better diet, more praise, clearer expectations, following through with appropriate consequences.

Secondly, it sounds like they were acknowledging that you have a lot on your plate. That’s all.

Menapausemum1974 · 10/08/2025 14:46

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:27

My little one is 3 and started at preschool nursery in the summer term. My other little one is 5 also started at 3 at the same school nursery. Older one is going to year 1 in September.

I was chatting to the teachers who were saying my younger one was very clever, but also very cheeky and not always the best at listening to the teachers. I said, yeah I remember my older one was like this as well, but as they get older they start to grow out of it and listen better.

I said something like, somehow my kids are a bit disobedient at 3.. or something like that.

the teacher went : ‘ well it’s very hard for you. You’re doing a lot, working full time. It’s hard to do it all and keep everything together ‘.. something along those lines.

I didn’t love that comment tbh. And before anyone comes at me to say that I was dismissive of the teacher’s telling me my kids don’t listen, I wasn’t. We talked at length about what they do to help and what I do to help at home and also how we can work together etc. I wasn’t dismissive, but having been through it before, 3 year olds are sometimes a bit like this and they grow out of it.

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but it felt like she was basically saying my kids don’t listen when they’re 3 because I have a lot on my plate and basically can’t educate them properly. Thoughts ?

@thisthingshesaid i would have been peed off and felt she was judging!

CarlaLemarchant · 10/08/2025 14:48

Honestly it sounds like she was trying to empathise. Don’t give it any more thought.

Megifer · 10/08/2025 14:53

Yea I'd have been a bit WTF about such a personal comment, the "keep everything together" is very off. Thats something id be ok with a close friend saying, not a teacher.

I'd have just said "oh, what do you mean by that?"

HiCandles · 10/08/2025 15:00

I think that would have me questioning too. Sounds very like when I asked my MIL for advice on handling tantrums when my 3yo was literally mid tantrum. She responded 'well none of my three ever had tantrums like that but it's different now for you young people, working, the kids going to nursery and so on, it's different for them '. WT actual F I thought what on earth does that have to do with it, but I suppose I walked into it with my question, so I just ignored it and said something unrelated because I didn't want an argument. But clearly, there are other people making this assumption too. Have to say I did privately later reflect on her comment and thought perhaps there was a grain of truth in it, not the childcare as such, but spending less physical time with someone surely does mean you have less opportunity to influence behaviour than being with someone 24/7.
But the teacher's comment wasn't necessarily unkind, just pragmatic perhaps?

mugglewump · 10/08/2025 15:05

She said it because it is hard to do it all. She is probably from a generation where mums stayed at home or only worked part-time and now she sees both parents having to work full time to keep a roof over their heads and, concurrently, witnesses listening and behaviour in decline. This may well be a correlation, not a cause, but it is easy to see why people might link the two. Personally, as a supply teacher, I have to note which children go to after school club, and often notice these include the ones that have shown poor behaviour in class. Whilst it may be coincidence, I think tiredness, less down-time, less adult attention and them being able to 'get away with it' at home because parents are overstretched do play a part in shaping their ability to concentrate in school.

hopspot · 10/08/2025 15:12

The teacher took time to reassure you and spoke to you at length. I wouldn’t read more into it than that. As a teacher it worries me that parents pick apart everything I say.

Original poster
thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 15:12

She’s the same age as me. I know she probably meant well but, as others on here are also saying - my kids not listening at age 3 is a reflection of my poor parenting apparently. Not just 3 year olds being 3 year olds.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 10/08/2025 15:19

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 15:12

She’s the same age as me. I know she probably meant well but, as others on here are also saying - my kids not listening at age 3 is a reflection of my poor parenting apparently. Not just 3 year olds being 3 year olds.

But it depends on the severity otherwise she wouldn’t have mentioned

perhaps he’s veeeeeeryyyyyy cheeky rather than “expected” cheeky 😉

i know it might be hurtful but perhaps try to work on it a bit?

JaneEyre40 · 10/08/2025 15:22

thisthingshesaid · 10/08/2025 14:27

My little one is 3 and started at preschool nursery in the summer term. My other little one is 5 also started at 3 at the same school nursery. Older one is going to year 1 in September.

I was chatting to the teachers who were saying my younger one was very clever, but also very cheeky and not always the best at listening to the teachers. I said, yeah I remember my older one was like this as well, but as they get older they start to grow out of it and listen better.

I said something like, somehow my kids are a bit disobedient at 3.. or something like that.

the teacher went : ‘ well it’s very hard for you. You’re doing a lot, working full time. It’s hard to do it all and keep everything together ‘.. something along those lines.

I didn’t love that comment tbh. And before anyone comes at me to say that I was dismissive of the teacher’s telling me my kids don’t listen, I wasn’t. We talked at length about what they do to help and what I do to help at home and also how we can work together etc. I wasn’t dismissive, but having been through it before, 3 year olds are sometimes a bit like this and they grow out of it.

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but it felt like she was basically saying my kids don’t listen when they’re 3 because I have a lot on my plate and basically can’t educate them properly. Thoughts ?

She was being nice.. 🙄

JaneEyre40 · 10/08/2025 15:23

Menapausemum1974 · 10/08/2025 14:46

@thisthingshesaid i would have been peed off and felt she was judging!

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