My son’s teacher said this- how would you take it?

[thisthingshesaid]

My little one is 3 and started at preschool nursery in the summer term. My other little one is 5 also started at 3 at the same school nursery. Older one is going to year 1 in September.

I was chatting to the teachers who were saying my younger one was very clever, but also very cheeky and not always the best at listening to the teachers. I said, yeah I remember my older one was like this as well, but as they get older they start to grow out of it and listen better.

I said something like, somehow my kids are a bit disobedient at 3.. or something like that.

the teacher went : ‘ well it’s very hard for you. You’re doing a lot, working full time. It’s hard to do it all and keep everything together ‘.. something along those lines.

I didn’t love that comment tbh. And before anyone comes at me to say that I was dismissive of the teacher’s telling me my kids don’t listen, I wasn’t. We talked at length about what they do to help and what I do to help at home and also how we can work together etc. I wasn’t dismissive, but having been through it before, 3 year olds are sometimes a bit like this and they grow out of it.

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but it felt like she was basically saying my kids don’t listen when they’re 3 because I have a lot on my plate and basically can’t educate them properly. Thoughts ?

My kids are in the expected category for everything. I don’t think any of their behaviour is severe. I see them say the same thing to other parents all the time. It’s really not that deep, otherwise I would know. The school is really good and on it it there are ever serious things.

I’d be annoyed at this too, but I wouldn’t read too much into it - she doesn’t know how you parent at all. No 3 year olds listen! And personally I think my 4yo has learned so much great stuff about taking his turn, sharing, being polite and when not to talk - all from nursery! I find it great that these days we can pay fully qualified people to help bring up our kids - they’re way better at it than I am!

@JaneEyre40 it was a question and i answered it 🤷‍♀️ no need to get your knickers in a twist!

I would be less bothered about the not listening and more about the very cheeky comment. She will be more than use to lots and lots of 3 year olds and will know what very cheeky is compared to usual.
When my son started reception I said to the teacher he talks a lot but not everything is always clear. She basically repeated the same thing back to me at the first parents' evening. She also suggested that perhaps I talked to the school nurse about the possibility of speech therapy. I didn't think it was necessary but she'd been teaching for a lot of years and saw a lot of reception kids perhaps if she's saying something I should be listening.

as long as you feel you're doing everything to address your child's behaviour and not just assuming he will grow out of it because the one did then I wouldn't worry too much because the teacher sounds like they're trying to be polite.

I second this… we don’t need to look into every comment and make it something it isn’t!

It sounds more like she was trying to empathise rather than have a dig. 3 year olds are hard work. You are a busy parent with a lot on your plate. I think your reading something into it that wasn't there.

This must have been quite a while ago now if you’re in England? Just let it go.

It would've made me internally roll my eyes. I bet the teacher would never say that to a father.

My sons teacher said something like this and I was gutted, it’s very well it’s as good as they’ll get, given your lifestyle/ number of kids etc. it feels like they’re saying look they’re getting it as good as they can given all the hurdles you’ve put in front of them. I think that could be in our head though op, It’s probably that they’re trying to make you feel better and it’s a weird way of saying you’re doing fine!

I think she was hinting that she'd like you to explicitly work on the behaviour.

You are of course the parent and it's your decision. So I assume that she took your "Oh well he'll grow out of it, kids eh!" as to mean no, you don't think it needs to be worked on (which is fine if you don't, although that might not be her opinion.) So she acknowledged that you're busy and have a lot to do.

I think that's literally it? I am not sure why you are trying to read more into the interaction. I don't think she's saying that you're somehow causing behaviour - she works with children, she must know that they have different personalities.

You have really got the wrong end of the stick. I bet teacher says that to a lot of of parents. My interpretation would be that tgeye are telling you not to worry about it, it’s normal, life’s busy!

Would you prefer she lied to you and said there were no issues with your DC?

How would that help anyone?

Clearly your DS behaves in a way that is not typical of others of the same age. Why not focus on rectifying that rather than being in denial?

The thing is, when she broached it with you, you immediately minimised it by saying he’ll grow out of it, he’s 3 etc. they’re all 3! Clearly he’s being cheeky and not listening more than some of the other 3 year olds. You’re taking it as cheeky in a fun way and sounds like she meant cheeky as in a rude way.

The comment was her trying to empathise. Maybe it bothered you because you know there’s truth in it.

Ive been told about my child being lovely but having a lot to say and not listening. The only thing I said to that was I’m sorry, that’s not ok, I’ll talk to them, not oh well it’ll be fine. Im not dealing with my child at school all day, they are and it sounds like they’re being annoying so that needs to stop and I need to think where we’ve not instilled enough respect in them.

Let it go. Honestly...otherwise you will hate the teachers

How old was the teacher? 93?

I'd have taken that as an expression of sympathy for the way it is for working women with kids. Multiple times a day on here people say how hard it is.

Agree with this. It sounds like your 3yo isn’t as good at listening as others. So it’s your choice as to whether you deal with it. You seem to think it’s not an issue. I think she was empathising tbh that you have your hands full with both the boys.

I think when you said your other son had been like that too, she thought you were blaming yourself so tried to reassure you.

Since you weren't actually blaming yourself, it came across as patronising.

I definitely wouldn't blame her or think she was being unsupportive. I wouldn't give it any more headspace now.

She most likely works FT too.
I think she was trying to be understanding.
I don't think it is unusual for 3 year olds to lack listening skills.
2nd DC IME are a little bit cleverer and a bit wilder, perfectly normal.

I think she was making a general statement from all the cases she has seen and she is trying to tell you she understands, or is trying to appreciate your children's disposition. Don't take it personally. There are so many young mums now doing their best just to hold it together. Early nights, be kind to yourself and enjoy the summer with your children. Having kids is a minefield. I look back with horror at some of the situations I came across when my kids were small and do you know what, it is all history now and they turned into beautiful adults.

This is a total you issue.

I’d take that to mean that yes that’s what 3 year olds are like, life with young kids is challenging, and acknowledging that it is more challenging if you are also working. You’re reading too much into it, they were trying to be nice.

Well she’s right it is hard she was just giving perspective and didn’t seem accusatory

Cut yourself some slack here, maybe reflected on why it’s bothering you so much- do you sometimes struggle juggling (normal) and the give yourself a hard time?

Children are disobedient/poor listeners for all sorts of reasons.

But she deals with 3 year olds day in, day out. She knows what is '3 year olds being 3 year olds' and what is bad behaviour.

You have a chip on your shoulder.