My son’s teacher said this- how would you take it?

[thisthingshesaid]

My little one is 3 and started at preschool nursery in the summer term. My other little one is 5 also started at 3 at the same school nursery. Older one is going to year 1 in September.

I was chatting to the teachers who were saying my younger one was very clever, but also very cheeky and not always the best at listening to the teachers. I said, yeah I remember my older one was like this as well, but as they get older they start to grow out of it and listen better.

I said something like, somehow my kids are a bit disobedient at 3.. or something like that.

the teacher went : ‘ well it’s very hard for you. You’re doing a lot, working full time. It’s hard to do it all and keep everything together ‘.. something along those lines.

I didn’t love that comment tbh. And before anyone comes at me to say that I was dismissive of the teacher’s telling me my kids don’t listen, I wasn’t. We talked at length about what they do to help and what I do to help at home and also how we can work together etc. I wasn’t dismissive, but having been through it before, 3 year olds are sometimes a bit like this and they grow out of it.

I appreciate the teacher was probably trying to be nice, but it felt like she was basically saying my kids don’t listen when they’re 3 because I have a lot on my plate and basically can’t educate them properly. Thoughts ?

I think she was definitely telling you your 3 yo is unusually cheeky, and finds listening more difficult than his peers and went on to say that if you've had two like that, It could be down you your other commitments making it hard to focus on parenting.

Fwiw, I think our school system is designed to break kids' spirit and have them conform much more than is good for them, especially boys.

I had well behaved boys from quite young, but looking back, I think I had the wrong idea about wjat "good" behavior was and in someways squashed their personal talents and creativity.

Expecting all 3yos to sit still and listen is madness.

It sounds like she was empathising and you're reading too much into it. Especially if you spoke at length.

Did the teacher call this meeting with you to discuss your child's behaviour or was it an offhand comment in a general chat? I think the context might help understand the teacher's motivation.

What would you have preferred her to say?

"Well, it sounds like you have an easy enough life that plenty of other people manage, why can't you discipline your kids?"

She obviously empathises that it is hard, but also, it is your responsibility to make sure your kids listen to adults, at 3 or any other age.

Better that teachers can talk freely, if there is minor offence caused you need to get over it.

It was clearly a fairly generic supportive response that could apply to many parents. She was trying to have empathy for you, that she knows a bit about what you're going through.

Do you have a good relationship with this teacher? To assume she was being condescending or mean seems an extreme reaction. Unless there's more to it.

If she hadn't have mentioned your child being 'cheeky', and said he was perfect, would you have accepted her comment on the good faith it was supportive?

I think that’s a standard line nursery teachers roll out, nothing to do with your 3 year old. More like generic chitchat with parents….

‘Well it’s tough on modern Mums, what with working full-time, managing a house, young kids, it’s a lot to manage.

I bet she says that sentence to parents all day, everyday. You sound too defensive.

I took it to mean don't take it hard when children don't listen, parents these days are juggling a lot and it's not easy.

You have another 15 years of schooling ahead of you -just let this go

Teacher wouldn't have mentioned it if they were just being 3 year olds so she is telling you they are naughtier than normal.
You're right though, teacher was trying to be nice!

I've never said that as a nursery teacher and have never heard anyone say it 😂

Crikey talk about searching for the negative.

She just meant you have lots on your plate working FT and little ones. Esp when they are at a tricky age.

Teacher sounded a little condescending. Perhaps she was trying to be nice and understanding, but comes across as judgemental to me.

She didn't say anything like that.

She was sympathising with you re how hard it is to work full time and parent your children and all that comes with it.

YOUR three year old not listening is in your hands.
The teacher's interest in telling you this is because not listening makes things really difficult for everyone, including the majority of kids who ARE listening. Staff will use a number of expert strategies to get your kid to listen, but those strategies are not working. That's why they mentioned it.
You say it's entirely normal to not listen, and you don't realise that precisely that attitude at home is preventing staff strategies from working.
You have no idea whether your 3yo will naturally develop listening g skills like your older one and you don't acknowledge that it's something you can work on at home.
As a parent you seem quite indulgent, and selfish to the needs of others who spend time with your 3yo, sorry.
I honestly don't see much else that this teacher said as relevant, you're fretting is misplaced.

No, you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Are they all have these annoying things they say that they think make them sound supportive and understanding. I’d wager it is a blanket template they slap in the parents’ job into.

ok so being told once that your child doesn’t always listen perfectly and is cheeky means that your child isn’t normal and you’re messing them up at home and you don’t care about educating them… Mhh ok….

how about I’m just an experienced mum that’s seen all of it before and I’m not phased by it? Teachers always need to say something tbh. Like I said, I’ve seen them say similar things to other parents ‘ he never says ‘ yes ‘ when we call the register, he always says ‘ no ‘ ‘ about another three year old… come on.. it’s just so they can then say ‘ well we taught Jonny well didn’t we, we did XYz and now he answers ‘ yes ‘…

I Know my kid is fine ! They have already improved hugely lately—- just by growing up. I do care about educating my kids. Because shock horror, sometimes it’s just that their brain needs to develop. It’s not 100 percent hard arse parenting that makes them ‘ step in line ‘.. it’s doing the right things/ modelling behaviours and being present for them / being consistent - and then, wow, shock horror, their emotions and understanding develop and they actually start listening better ! I’m seeing huge improvements with my child over the summer.

And for those that didn’t read my post, I did chat to the teachers and asked for their strategies / advice and we went through how they do things at school and how I do things at home etc.

anyway, personally after reading some of the more reasonable comments, I think it was meant in a kind way.

but of course, other comments on here are making it out to mean exactly what I thought initially !

She was being kind and trying to show empathy. She's probably in the same situation, juggling work and kids. You are taking it far too personally. Just concentrate on strategies for being boundaries with your kids and stop diverting your energy into being angry at the teacher.

100% this.

OP, you’re too touchy. Sounds like your 3yo needs to practise concentrating a little more. That’s all. She’s obviously comparing him to countless other children she encounters and for that, I’d listen rather than take umbrage.

From what you said, no insult was intended and doubt others would have been so offended.

Are they at a nursery where there are lots of SAHMS and lots of advanced well socialised little kids?

Another post about something a teacher has said in August.

She was probably empathising as teaching also involves a lot of juggling. Not a dig. But if you are upset, you could have a face to face chat about how you felt when you go back in September.