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Original poster

Lying DH, I don't know how angry I should be

65 replies

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:04

DH went out on Saturday for a uni reunionin a different city, he and his friend Adam were going to stay at Bill's place, all good.

He got home Sunday, said he'd had a terrible sleep, Bill's place was rough etc. He seemed a bit weird.

A few days later he says he has something to tell me, he and Adam hadn't stayed at Bill's. Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married), they went back to her place in a big group, DH stayed on the sofa and Adam and thr woman stayed in the bed. I don't think DH cheated, not because he's a man in a million, but because when he's drunk no self respecting woman would tough him with a barge pole, he's an absolute mess.

I really don't care that Adam cheated on his wife, he's always been a wanker and I have no idea why she stays with him. DH sees him maybe every 3 or 4 years at these reunion things and I know her loosely through working in the same field. I'm really annoyed that DH lied, even embellishing details of where he slept, what the blanket was like etc.

He seems to think that now he's come clean it's all good, but I can't help think that if I did what he did he'd not forgive me. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

OP posts:
StickyProblem · 09/08/2025 19:07

A woman was out drinking, got off with a bloke and took him AND his group of mates back to hers???? Sounds unbelievable, so sorry. How many of them were there?

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 09/08/2025 19:07

He slept on the sofa? Sure… There would be no need to lie about where he was if he had done nothing wrong. He’s shown more loyalty to a person he sees about as often as we see the Olympics than to his wife. Disgusting behaviour.

Createausername1970 · 09/08/2025 19:08

I wouldn't be happy he had lied.
I would want to know what has prompted him to cough up. What else is going to come out.

MJ1980 · 09/08/2025 19:09

Doesnt add up

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:11

StickyProblem · 09/08/2025 19:07

A woman was out drinking, got off with a bloke and took him AND his group of mates back to hers???? Sounds unbelievable, so sorry. How many of them were there?

Sorry I explained badly. So Bill's went home drunk (a lot of drink had been taken), the woman who got off with Adam was with her sister and Aunt, they all love close together. So they went back to the woman's house in a group, but DH insisting he didn't cheat. As I say, you'd have to be amazingly desperate to go near him when he's drunk a drop.

OP posts:
beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:15

@Bluebluetuesday but why didn't your husband go home to Bill's as per the original plan?

eta;
"Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married)" so is your husband.

Doesn't sound quite right, I'd be uncomfortable with your husband's explanation too tbh.

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:18

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:15

@Bluebluetuesday but why didn't your husband go home to Bill's as per the original plan?

eta;
"Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married)" so is your husband.

Doesn't sound quite right, I'd be uncomfortable with your husband's explanation too tbh.

Edited

Bills had gone home drunk, so he stuck with Adam. The last train had gone (they stop at 10), and they stayed out drinking.

I'd be quite confident he didn't cheat, but its the bloody lying. Why pick Adam's feelings over mine? Had he told me straight away I wouldn't have thought much of it.

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 09/08/2025 19:20

So he had a choice of going home with drunk Bill where he had already planned to stay, perhaps had dropped a bag off earlier etc but instead followed cheating Adam back to a random house with 3 women they met that night so he could sleep on a sofa while his mate had sex? And then lied about it?

He may not of cheated but he probably hoped to!

isolate34 · 09/08/2025 19:20

I just can't imagine going back with a friend who is having a one night stand to sleep on the sofa...let alone a married friend who is cheating on their spouse. Sorry but it just feels really odd to me, I'd be royally fucked off.

AltitudeCheck · 09/08/2025 19:23

I also can't imagine allowing a ONS to bring his drunk mate back to my house to stay downstairs (chatting to my aunty?) while we DTD. I've made some poor choices / got into some unsafe situations but that sounds bonkers!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/08/2025 19:24

Once my friend insisted on going back with a guy and I didn’t want to leave her on her own. We loosely knew the guy who lived there so he let me sleep in his room alone. The minute I could prize her away from him next morning we got the bus home. I told my then boyfriend now DH all of this though. I didn’t lie. That said I was in my early 20’s with no kids. I’m just saying he could’ve just slept there and panicked so lied.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:26

so why did he lie? do you think @Bluebluetuesday

eta; He didn't pick Adam over you, he's chosen self-preservation

Is Adam a bit of a mouthy type (as well as a cheat)

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:26

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/08/2025 19:24

Once my friend insisted on going back with a guy and I didn’t want to leave her on her own. We loosely knew the guy who lived there so he let me sleep in his room alone. The minute I could prize her away from him next morning we got the bus home. I told my then boyfriend now DH all of this though. I didn’t lie. That said I was in my early 20’s with no kids. I’m just saying he could’ve just slept there and panicked so lied.

I've absolutely done some daft things like this along the way, I was pretty wild (and stupid) in my 20s. But now I wouldn't dri k so much or keep such bad company that this kind of stuff happened to me. That's the difference, being married with 2 kids, not young and daft. Jeez I could smash his face in honestly.

OP posts:
AnotherGreyMorning · 09/08/2025 19:27

It is all very rum. Especially when excessive details start coming into it like the type of blanket he used.

i would be very suspicious personally.

What losers shagging around.

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:29

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:26

so why did he lie? do you think @Bluebluetuesday

eta; He didn't pick Adam over you, he's chosen self-preservation

Is Adam a bit of a mouthy type (as well as a cheat)

Edited

So he's a great one for avoiding confrontation, a bit of a coward at times, so would choose the easy way out and lie (then own up, eejit!). He'd probably also worry I'd tell Adam's wife.

OP posts:
TravelPanic · 09/08/2025 19:31

Sounds very unlikely. I think he cheated, I’m so sorry. I’d be willing to bet he’s only fessed up to this ridiculous story because Adam’s told his wife and she’s threatened to tell you, so he’s getting his story straight beforehand.

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 09/08/2025 19:32

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:15

@Bluebluetuesday but why didn't your husband go home to Bill's as per the original plan?

eta;
"Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married)" so is your husband.

Doesn't sound quite right, I'd be uncomfortable with your husband's explanation too tbh.

Edited

Totally agree. OP is giving get husband too much benefit of doubt. So “Adam” is married and goes back to a random woman’s house. But OP’s husband is also married (she seems to be glossing over the fact that he’s as much married as Adam) and went to the same house with the women. Didn’t call a cab to go home. Didn’t even call OP to fetch him. Didn’t get a taxi to Bill’s place. Decided that the best option was to go to a random woman’s house who was planning to have sex with at least one of the men.

FreyjaOfTheNorth · 09/08/2025 19:34

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:29

So he's a great one for avoiding confrontation, a bit of a coward at times, so would choose the easy way out and lie (then own up, eejit!). He'd probably also worry I'd tell Adam's wife.

Show quote history

So he’s again showing more loyalty to “Adam” than his own wife. Are you blind to what he’s doing here? He doesn’t want Adam to get in trouble with his wife for something he did so he lies to his own wife and upsets her. But it’s all ok because he’s looking out for precious “Adam” and making sure he comes out of this ok.

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:35

Honestly I'm not giving DH undue credit, he's a fucking arsehole. I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed, maybe he wanted to but no one would have obliged. He wouldn't have got me to pick him up, an Uber would have been a few hundred quid, and he is known for passing out when drunk, so I can well imagine he fell asleep on the sofa.
So im working on the assumption he's lied to protect his friend, which is a dick move.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/08/2025 19:35

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:26

I've absolutely done some daft things like this along the way, I was pretty wild (and stupid) in my 20s. But now I wouldn't dri k so much or keep such bad company that this kind of stuff happened to me. That's the difference, being married with 2 kids, not young and daft. Jeez I could smash his face in honestly.

Show quote history

Well yeah true. If I did that now I don’t think he’d be happy. I wouldn’t be either. The lies would make me angry tbh.

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:37

TravelPanic · 09/08/2025 19:31

Sounds very unlikely. I think he cheated, I’m so sorry. I’d be willing to bet he’s only fessed up to this ridiculous story because Adam’s told his wife and she’s threatened to tell you, so he’s getting his story straight beforehand.

She definitely doesn't know, she would have called me by now, she's feisty.

I might tell DH I'm going to phone Adam and ask what happened. I reckon Adam will be pissed off enough that DH told me to tell me the truth.

OP posts:
Rasell · 09/08/2025 19:39

You're not remotely fussed about Adam's wife! Why don't you or your husband care at all that he's cheated on her?
Even if your husband is repulsive when drunk, he might be gorgeous to someone equally drunk...you seem more sure that no-one would have him than he wouldn't cheat!
Maybe he was just having a great night and it all went a bit weird, then he was embarrassed to tell you...but I wouldn't be overly excited about him and Adam's next night out and I'd have lost a bit of trust in him.

chatgptsbestmate · 09/08/2025 19:41

If all he's done is lie to protect his friend, I wouldn't think that's a LTB scenario

But that isn't all he's done

Original poster
Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:42

Rasell · 09/08/2025 19:39

You're not remotely fussed about Adam's wife! Why don't you or your husband care at all that he's cheated on her?
Even if your husband is repulsive when drunk, he might be gorgeous to someone equally drunk...you seem more sure that no-one would have him than he wouldn't cheat!
Maybe he was just having a great night and it all went a bit weird, then he was embarrassed to tell you...but I wouldn't be overly excited about him and Adam's next night out and I'd have lost a bit of trust in him.

I do feel for her, but they've had a strange relationship and really dislike eachother, but stay together for financial and practical reasons. DH has made it clear he won't be spending time with Adam again, the friendship was limping along on university memories anyway, they've nothing in common any more.

OP posts:
PennywisePoundFoolish · 09/08/2025 19:44

Hmm it's all a little lie/big lie. The aunty bit sounds a bit too.. convenient. Idk, I'd guess at it being a sister or friend, and he wants you to conjure up a different mental image. It doesn't mean that he cheated, and it sounds like he'd be a very unappealing prospect for a ONS, but I don't think he's yet to give you the full story.