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Original poster

Lying DH, I don't know how angry I should be

65 replies

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:04

DH went out on Saturday for a uni reunionin a different city, he and his friend Adam were going to stay at Bill's place, all good.

He got home Sunday, said he'd had a terrible sleep, Bill's place was rough etc. He seemed a bit weird.

A few days later he says he has something to tell me, he and Adam hadn't stayed at Bill's. Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married), they went back to her place in a big group, DH stayed on the sofa and Adam and thr woman stayed in the bed. I don't think DH cheated, not because he's a man in a million, but because when he's drunk no self respecting woman would tough him with a barge pole, he's an absolute mess.

I really don't care that Adam cheated on his wife, he's always been a wanker and I have no idea why she stays with him. DH sees him maybe every 3 or 4 years at these reunion things and I know her loosely through working in the same field. I'm really annoyed that DH lied, even embellishing details of where he slept, what the blanket was like etc.

He seems to think that now he's come clean it's all good, but I can't help think that if I did what he did he'd not forgive me. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 09/08/2025 19:48

Why pick Adam's feelings over mine?

because he is lying and not very good at it - something happened to make him need to make up this lie

Omeara · 09/08/2025 19:51

I’d have my suspicions about the “aunty”.

Why has he told you now?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/08/2025 19:51

He lied to buy himself some time to come up with a crock of shit you'd fall for. Seems to have worked.

Ananother · 09/08/2025 19:52

Well you can usually tell what a man is like by the friends he has. If his friend cheats on his wife and your H is comfortable with this you can be pretty sure he would be comfortable cheating himself.

His story doesnt make any sense.

And if you think the only reason he didn't cheat is because no woman would find him attractive then it shows you don't have a high opinion of him and his attitude to cheating either.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 19:54

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:35

Honestly I'm not giving DH undue credit, he's a fucking arsehole. I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed, maybe he wanted to but no one would have obliged. He wouldn't have got me to pick him up, an Uber would have been a few hundred quid, and he is known for passing out when drunk, so I can well imagine he fell asleep on the sofa.
So im working on the assumption he's lied to protect his friend, which is a dick move.

@Bluebluetuesday

"I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed" Unless the women were as equally inebriated (beer goggles et al)?

Having said that Blue, despite my own, very obvious skepticism, only you know your husband, it just doesn't sound great, on paper tbh.

MsCactus · 09/08/2025 19:55

I think the women would be putting herself in danger (potentially) by inviting a whole group of blokes back (or even two, Adam and your DH). Honestly I just don't think that happened... I think it's more likely there were a couple of girls and they both cheated.

There is a slim chance he didn't cheat, but the lying at the start also makes it seem like he's cheated imo.

Rasell · 09/08/2025 19:57

Each to their own!
You don't seem to feel that he cheated, so maybe you should just tell him that it's shaken you and you're feeling a bit weird at the moment...ask him how he'd feel if it were the other way around? Then see how you feel. If you can't trust him, you can't be with him; if you do trust him, you'll have to tell him how upset you are then let it go. Don't let it fester. He should call it a day with Adam...they can't act like the old uni days and go round getting mega pissed and cheating. If he won't call it a day maybe it shows that he does want to go out and try his luck? All the best

Teado · 09/08/2025 19:57

Weird that he came clean out of the blue. Maybe one of the wives has found out about the sleeping arrangements and he was worried she’d tell you, so he got in there first.

They all sound pretty badly behaved tbh. Seems like they still think they’re 19 year old students when they go out.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/08/2025 20:03

Just as likely that he's realised you might let on to the bloke's wife that he was using you as an alibi - when what's actually happened is that your husband was using him as an alibi.

WashYourDamnRice · 09/08/2025 20:04

Could be that he didn't want to stay at Bill's as he wanted to carry on the party with the other group. Some people never know when to call it a night.

I think a more important point is why you 'know' he hasn't cheated because no woman would touch him with a bargepole (you'd be surprised), and not because he just wouldn't.

You'll never get the full picture because no one in this situation who actually knows what happened owes you anything apart from the one person who has everything to lose. Sorry op.

ForJoyousPinkPoster · 09/08/2025 20:07

This sounds suspicious to me! I’m sorry to say, but just because you wouldn’t go near your husband whilst drunk doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t! I know that you don’t want to meddle in anyone else’s relationship, but the only way to know for sure would be to tell the wife and see if the truth comes out. Also, I would want to know if I was the wife- this could be betraying your husband by doing so- but he betrayed you by lying, so I see this as he got himself in the situation. Either way, this can’t be nice for you, as you were betrayed regardless. I hope you’re ok, sending love!

WizardOfAus · 09/08/2025 20:12

Mate. Wake up and smell the roses.

PrettyYellow30 · 09/08/2025 21:29

Oh stop it! He most probably cheated, don't let those silly lies fool you lol. How wrong of him

jjpollypocket · 09/08/2025 21:30

Definitely cheated or at the very least intended to but was too drunk which I highly doubt. A trustworthy partner doesn’t go to random women’s houses so his friend can cheat on his wife! And lying in great detail! What a fucking ridiculous story 🙄

RedLightGreenLiiight · 09/08/2025 22:17

Honestly I'm not giving DH undue credit, he's a fucking arsehole. I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed, maybe he wanted to but no one would have obliged

Another possible scenario is, Adam saw a very drunk woman and suggested your DH and he go back to this woman's place and take advantage of her.

HelloHattie · 09/08/2025 22:21

I mean, I don’t think he’s telling you the whole truth here

MrsHiggins1 · 09/08/2025 22:24

When mine does something really wrong I don’t speak to him for days and only glare at him. Only for the worst offenses though. The silent treatment is supposed to be abusive but I don’t think it always is. It always works for me

Chompingatthebeat · 09/08/2025 22:27

Ugh, what a sordid little story

Rasell · 09/08/2025 22:29

RedLightGreenLiiight · 09/08/2025 22:17

Honestly I'm not giving DH undue credit, he's a fucking arsehole. I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed, maybe he wanted to but no one would have obliged

Another possible scenario is, Adam saw a very drunk woman and suggested your DH and he go back to this woman's place and take advantage of her.

That's a huge leap and accusing them of something absolutely terrible with literally no suggestion of anything like that having happened.

beetr00 · 09/08/2025 22:38

MrsHiggins1 · 09/08/2025 22:24

When mine does something really wrong I don’t speak to him for days and only glare at him. Only for the worst offenses though. The silent treatment is supposed to be abusive but I don’t think it always is. It always works for me

that is so sad to read, just think about it, please @MrsHiggins1

cha04 · 09/08/2025 22:53

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:04

DH went out on Saturday for a uni reunionin a different city, he and his friend Adam were going to stay at Bill's place, all good.

He got home Sunday, said he'd had a terrible sleep, Bill's place was rough etc. He seemed a bit weird.

A few days later he says he has something to tell me, he and Adam hadn't stayed at Bill's. Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married), they went back to her place in a big group, DH stayed on the sofa and Adam and thr woman stayed in the bed. I don't think DH cheated, not because he's a man in a million, but because when he's drunk no self respecting woman would tough him with a barge pole, he's an absolute mess.

I really don't care that Adam cheated on his wife, he's always been a wanker and I have no idea why she stays with him. DH sees him maybe every 3 or 4 years at these reunion things and I know her loosely through working in the same field. I'm really annoyed that DH lied, even embellishing details of where he slept, what the blanket was like etc.

He seems to think that now he's come clean it's all good, but I can't help think that if I did what he did he'd not forgive me. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

Personally I think he’s told you half a story to ease his guilt. He probably did cheat because why lie if there’s no real reason to? Don’t be naive.

cha04 · 09/08/2025 22:54

MrTiddlesTheCat · 09/08/2025 19:51

He lied to buy himself some time to come up with a crock of shit you'd fall for. Seems to have worked.

100%

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 22:59

If you’re sure he didn’t cheat then I wouldn’t be too bothered. I wouldn’t care if DP slept on the sofa Im these circumstances though so maybe he wouldn’t lie.

DoYouReally · 09/08/2025 22:59

As I woman there's no way I would have a ONS with someone while inviting his mate to stay too.

I would assume I would be propositioned or forced into a threesome.

Most women wouldn't risk it.

To me, it was a threesome or he cheated with someone else.

Anything else doesn't seem plausible.

RIPMTV · 09/08/2025 23:00

Why did he suddenly come clean?