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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lying DH, I don't know how angry I should be

65 replies

Bluebluetuesday · 09/08/2025 19:04

DH went out on Saturday for a uni reunionin a different city, he and his friend Adam were going to stay at Bill's place, all good.

He got home Sunday, said he'd had a terrible sleep, Bill's place was rough etc. He seemed a bit weird.

A few days later he says he has something to tell me, he and Adam hadn't stayed at Bill's. Adam got off with a woman (Adam's married), they went back to her place in a big group, DH stayed on the sofa and Adam and thr woman stayed in the bed. I don't think DH cheated, not because he's a man in a million, but because when he's drunk no self respecting woman would tough him with a barge pole, he's an absolute mess.

I really don't care that Adam cheated on his wife, he's always been a wanker and I have no idea why she stays with him. DH sees him maybe every 3 or 4 years at these reunion things and I know her loosely through working in the same field. I'm really annoyed that DH lied, even embellishing details of where he slept, what the blanket was like etc.

He seems to think that now he's come clean it's all good, but I can't help think that if I did what he did he'd not forgive me. Would this be a deal breaker for you?

OP posts:

RedLightGreenLiiight · 09/08/2025 23:02

Rasell · 09/08/2025 22:29

That's a huge leap and accusing them of something absolutely terrible with literally no suggestion of anything like that having happened.

Show quote history

That's why I said 'possible' and I haven't said she should accuse him of doing this. Clearly the OP feels in her gut something is amiss and of course randoms on the internet have no way of possibly knowing what happened.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 23:12

DoYouReally · 09/08/2025 22:59

As I woman there's no way I would have a ONS with someone while inviting his mate to stay too.

I would assume I would be propositioned or forced into a threesome.

Most women wouldn't risk it.

To me, it was a threesome or he cheated with someone else.

Anything else doesn't seem plausible.

Edited

One of the women wanted to be propositioned, hence the invitation back.

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 23:13

RedLightGreenLiiight · 09/08/2025 22:17

Honestly I'm not giving DH undue credit, he's a fucking arsehole. I just can't imagine a scenario when anyone would want to get off with him when he was pissed, maybe he wanted to but no one would have obliged

Another possible scenario is, Adam saw a very drunk woman and suggested your DH and he go back to this woman's place and take advantage of her.

Fucking Hell.

PringlesTube · 09/08/2025 23:16

If you don’t even think it’s possible he cheated (his story seems very odd to me) why even be angry at all? Why even ask us?

Youdontseehow · 09/08/2025 23:23

I’m going against the grain here but I can easily imagine a load of steaming people thinking it’s a great idea to keep the party going and go back to someone’s house.

When you’re that pissed, it doesn’t matter that you don’t know each other well - if they’ve all been getting on, having a laugh etc and at least two are on the pull (with each other) it probably made perfect sense at the time. Sensible drinkers will not understand the lure of the steamers’ after-pub party.

Its possible your DH did cheat @Bluebluetuesday but equally possible that he was just drunk and caught up in the moment so to speak.

But yeah - the lying is not great. If my DH did this, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker but I trust him so I’d be annoyed and would expect it never to happen again.

InWalksBarberalla · 09/08/2025 23:29

Isn't the most likely scenario that it was two drink woman and Adam shagged one of them and the DH the other. Why else would the DH also head back to their place?

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/08/2025 23:30

@Bluebluetuesday i think he’s cheated too and you are being naive. .
He has told you enough to set the narrative he wants something mildly believable .
Id be pushing for the real truth .

Sharingaroomtinightthen · 09/08/2025 23:32

InWalksBarberalla · 09/08/2025 23:29

Isn't the most likely scenario that it was two drink woman and Adam shagged one of them and the DH the other. Why else would the DH also head back to their place?

To keep the night going because they were having fun.

treesandsun · 10/08/2025 00:20

He has admitted something that sounds bad and that you will be angry about to cover up something worse. What reason has he given for admitting what he says happened a few days later? how do you even know he was really, really drunk ?because he said so?

mathanxiety · 10/08/2025 00:49

AltitudeCheck · 09/08/2025 19:20

So he had a choice of going home with drunk Bill where he had already planned to stay, perhaps had dropped a bag off earlier etc but instead followed cheating Adam back to a random house with 3 women they met that night so he could sleep on a sofa while his mate had sex? And then lied about it?

He may not of cheated but he probably hoped to!

This.
His story is full of holes. And you have no idea whether he was drunk.

mathanxiety · 10/08/2025 00:49

treesandsun · 10/08/2025 00:20

Agree.

mathanxiety · 10/08/2025 00:49

InWalksBarberalla · 09/08/2025 23:29

Isn't the most likely scenario that it was two drink woman and Adam shagged one of them and the DH the other. Why else would the DH also head back to their place?

Yes to this.

PigletSanders · 10/08/2025 07:00

Aunty bit is a nonsense. It’ll be another woman the same age as the one Adam cheated with. Basically they’ve paired up with a couple of women and gone back to their house. Very shady.

Your H is giving you a bit of doctored info so you think you’re in possession of the truth. You’re not.

I’d say I was going to phone Adam, see how your H reacts, and then maybe just do it. Because your H is a liar.

Fountofwisdom · 10/08/2025 07:31

PigletSanders · 10/08/2025 07:00

Aunty bit is a nonsense. It’ll be another woman the same age as the one Adam cheated with. Basically they’ve paired up with a couple of women and gone back to their house. Very shady.

Your H is giving you a bit of doctored info so you think you’re in possession of the truth. You’re not.

I’d say I was going to phone Adam, see how your H reacts, and then maybe just do it. Because your H is a liar.

I thought the same - the ‘Aunty’ was made up to make it all sound more innocent. But what self-respecting Aunt would go back to a house with a niece who has picked up a married man for a ONS? Didn’t happen.

The DH has spun a second story (having already lied through his teeth). The more likely scenario is either that he and Adam went back to the woman’s house and both had sex with her OR that one or more women (not an aunt!) also went back and the DH had sex with one of them.

The stuff about no one going near DH when he is drunk is also silly - some people will sleep with anyone when they are very drunk and all judgement goes out the window.

InWalksBarberalla · 10/08/2025 07:35

I think the OP is very naive in thinking no one would have sex with her husband when he is drunk - how much worse is he than the average drunk man? Does he vomit or soil himself or something like that?

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