AIBU to think that FWB should...

[Larose123]

AIBU to think that FWB should not be exclusive? If you are exclusive with someone, thats called a relationship!

Hit me with your opinions, thanks!

(Only interested because I'm considering doing FWB again at age 50)

It can be whatever the two people involved want it to be. Exclusive or not exclusive. And FWB is a relationship - just not a romantic long term one. Just be really clear that you don't want or need exclusivity.

Anything goes. The two fwb's decide to define it however they want. Presumably some people prefer the exclusive fwb arrangement over shagging around for sexual health reasons.

@Ablondiebutagoody surely they can just use protection though, for their own safety and FWBs?

@womanwithissues Yes I guess this has to be decided on a case by case basis depending on preference.
My own theory is that two people only need to be exclusive if they are in a commited relationship, if they're not on a relationship then why be exclusive?

Like say you are exclusive with FWB, if one FWB sleeps with someone else then does it count as cheating? Are you allowed to speak to other people while having an exclusive FWB? What if someone asks you out, do you say "no sorry I cant Im single but have FWB so not available"?

For me FWB means not exclusive. You wouldnt have just one friend so why would you be expected to have one friend even with the extra bits!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being FWB and making it exclusive. It’s different from a committed relationship because you aren’t building anything/working towards anything.

I’m married but if I was to engage with a FWB I might rather it be sexually exclusive. Condoms don’t protect against herpes/genital warts so I’d rather not be sleeping with someone who is sleeping with an unlimited amount of other people.

@Anchorage56 exactly!

You can do whatever the two of you agree on. There is no FWB rule book.

I thought the whole point of FWB was that it was casual and occasional without all the admin, commitment and obligations that come with a relationship. If you start making commitment doesn't it become a relationship?

"Are you allowed to speak to other people while having an exclusive FWB?" WTF? In what kind of relationship aren't you allowed to speak to other people?

If I was having sex with someone and wanted us to be exclusive I'd call that a relationship. The friends part of FWB is the casual vibe.

They're all relationships fgs. You're just defining one of the characteristics as promiscuity.

@heroinechic also a good point there

@VintageMarket hahaha oh dear, let me rephrase that!! I mean talking to other people on dating apps and more in a flirtatious way lol

@Summerhillsquare sorry but I didnt understand your comment. They are all relationships? What am I defining as promiscuous?

I think it should be whatever the two agree.
In my youth what you describe wasn't called fwb, it was called casual. You werent screwing other people but you weren't planning on being a couple either.

What's the difference between a non exclusive FWB and other casual sex? And if it's just casual sex, why would you pick a friend to have it with?

Or in this context does "friend" just mean someone you meet for sex?

No, I wouldn't automatically think of it as exclusive territory. It's just a friend that you also happen to shag. That's why it's called "friends with benefits". You wouldn't usually confine yourself to just one friend. Going exclusive means you've moved onto another level emotionally.

Agreed

The difference between FWB and casual sex is presumably the friendship side of things and the stability of the friendship. Its different to meeting someone on a night out or on tinder, having casual sex and then never seing them again? To me that is casual sex, not shagging someone every week/two weeks

@ginasevern exactly my thinking too

FWB is just the polite way of saying fuck buddy. Its casual it's not a relationship. Unless it's a long standing friend where you suddenly decide to start having sex with each other in which case they are still your friend.

Agree with this.

I agree. FWB should be fun and casual. I've had two successful ones in the past - both successes came from the full agreement that we were not in a relationship, and the willingness to pause/stop if either of us got in a relationship, or if it got in the way of our friendship.

Yes because of STI's.

What's the difference between a fwb and an affair?