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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that FWB should...

59 replies

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 16:42

AIBU to think that FWB should not be exclusive? If you are exclusive with someone, thats called a relationship!

Hit me with your opinions, thanks!

(Only interested because I'm considering doing FWB again at age 50)

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 17:36

FWB is just the polite way of saying fuck buddy. Its casual it's not a relationship.

For me FWB and FB are very different things

Friends with benefits is more than sex, but not a committed relationship. Each varies in closeness, regularity and the likes depending on what suits them.

Fuck buddy is just sex, nothing beyond that.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 07/08/2025 17:37

Nevertrustacop · 07/08/2025 17:36

What's the difference between a fwb and an affair?

In an affair, one or both parties are in relationships with other people.

SameOldMe · 07/08/2025 17:42

Interesting had this was an issue for me last year - met a lovely man on dating site and he told me he wasn't interested in a relationship but was happy to have some fun.
i agreed as it suited me and after some time he complained I was still on the site.
in my opinion if have an exclusivity chat then it's a relationship.
He only wanted fun so then i thought i was free to see other people !
in any case communication is key here .

Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 17:46

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 17:36

FWB is just the polite way of saying fuck buddy. Its casual it's not a relationship.

For me FWB and FB are very different things

Friends with benefits is more than sex, but not a committed relationship. Each varies in closeness, regularity and the likes depending on what suits them.

Fuck buddy is just sex, nothing beyond that.

Yeah I think it depends on how much of a friend they are to begin with. If you meet someone, get along and end up meeting up occasionally then its FWB/FB, a longer standing friendship yes its FWB.

EBearhug · 07/08/2025 17:53

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 17:36

FWB is just the polite way of saying fuck buddy. Its casual it's not a relationship.

For me FWB and FB are very different things

Friends with benefits is more than sex, but not a committed relationship. Each varies in closeness, regularity and the likes depending on what suits them.

Fuck buddy is just sex, nothing beyond that.

Same for me. I've had men I met only for sex. I've had/have male friends I meet for various things, which sometimes includes sex, but might also be a meal out/chat/gallery visit/etc with or without sex. (If there is sex, it is separate to the rest of the meeting, and I've never yet been thrown out of an art gallery...) And I also have male friends where there will never be any benefits.

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:08

Yeah I think it depends on how much of a friend they are to begin with. If you meet someone, get along and end up meeting up occasionally then its FWB/FB, a longer standing friendship yes its FWB.

For me I think its about the relationship with them while you're having sex with them

If you go for drinks, or meals, or whatever and have sex without it being a committed relationship then it's FWB. If it's just sex then it's FB. Doesn't matter if you've known them 5 weeks or 5 years for me.

Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 18:19

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:08

Yeah I think it depends on how much of a friend they are to begin with. If you meet someone, get along and end up meeting up occasionally then its FWB/FB, a longer standing friendship yes its FWB.

For me I think its about the relationship with them while you're having sex with them

If you go for drinks, or meals, or whatever and have sex without it being a committed relationship then it's FWB. If it's just sex then it's FB. Doesn't matter if you've known them 5 weeks or 5 years for me.

Everyone looks at it differently. If a guy suggested FWB as what he was looking for my mind would go to- he wants sex without any commitment. Fuck buddies, fuck friends if you like. It doesnt have to be just sex of course but ultimately sex without any commitment. I've had casual guys in the past and it wasnt literally just sex, we did do other things but I wasnt under any illusion as to what it meant. Casual is the word I tend to use.

gamerchick · 07/08/2025 18:21

It's a personal thing with the person you're hooking up with OP.

newhousenewhouse · 07/08/2025 18:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Whiningatwine · 07/08/2025 18:25

I said you are being unreasonable, because just like any relationship it depends on what both parties are happy with. Some people may not want a long term relationship but want the exclusivity, others may be more open. As long as youre both on the same page then crack on.

NowNowBob · 07/08/2025 18:28

I'm in a FWB thing now. We met on a website with similar interests. We had the chat and we are exclusive with each other. We don't use protection but both got fully tested before we started anything with each other (he's had the snip years ago).
We go for nice dinners and come home and have amazing sex. Sometimes we skip dinner and just get down to it.

It's not a relationship, We both know it's not going to be a life long thing. Eventually he wants to find someone to settle down, meet his kids etc and I don't want that. So for now, we're exclusive and having fun.

WasThatACorner · 07/08/2025 18:31

@Larose123 I think if the your head is getting in a tangle over just thinking about the parameters of FWB it may not be for you. You say "again" in your OP though so maybe it has worked in the past?

FWB should be all of the fun and none of the stress. Where has the idea of exclusivity come from, has someone floated the idea of being your exclusive FWB and how did that come about?

I would agree with your gut feeling, if someone wants to be exclusive it's a relationship. The parameters of that are upto the people involved but asking someone to be exclusive means asking someone to put you first when you aren't around. That's a relationship.

Arlanymor · 07/08/2025 18:31

As this thread demonstrates - different people have different definitions and expectations! I think the key thing is to agree what the parameters are with your FWB/FB. I had one many moons ago when it became clear that he wasn’t a viable partner (very sexy, very fun, far too selfish and bit lacking in the old EQ), so we kind of migrated to an FWB situation. Saw each other four or five times a year - he travelled with work so I would travel to meet him in nice hotels. We would have drinks, fun, then a peck on the cheek in the morning and we were done until the next time. I think only once we had brunch together and it started to feel too togethery, so back to drinks and after dark shenanigans after that. I still think about him a bit wistfully and then pinch myself and remember that I am the one who decided I couldn’t do it anymore as feelings were creeping in despite knowing that we were ill-suited for anything long term. If I texted him now I know he would reply ASAP mind you… thank god I deleted him from my phone!

SugarMarshmallow · 07/08/2025 18:32

To me FWB isn’t exclusive but I’m not sure if I like the thought of knowing the person I’m FWB is sleeping with multiple people. Protection or not I would personally find it a bit weird but I completely get that’s just my opinion!

Ponoka7 · 07/08/2025 18:41

Summerhillsquare · 07/08/2025 17:21

They're all relationships fgs. You're just defining one of the characteristics as promiscuity.

You can actually end up having less sexual partners, if you are honest enough to define a relationship as FWB. It saves one party ending things because it has got too intense, or isn't moving on. FWB isn't defined via promiscuity.

@Anchorage56 that's a big problem, younger women think that they are in a relationship, because they are having regular sex with someone. Then before they know it, they've had a baby to a useless shit, who didn't want any of what it has turned into.

@Nevertrustacop an affair is being unfaithful, after pledging exclusivity.

You generally have a FWB/ FB because you don't want the conditions that exclusive relationships come with. It can be ideal when you have young children, after being widowed, while having health/life issues and you can't give head space to another person. I had mine after being widowed. I'm now in a exclusive relationship, but we don't live together full time. My peer group is 55+, but majority over 60. There's a lot of men who have fixed ideas about how women should be, when in a relationship, so for older women, a regular FWB can tick all the boxes.

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:43

The only "should" when it comes to FWB (and FB to be fair) is that both parties should decide what works for them and there should be a level of respect that works for them both.

Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 18:43

Ponoka7 · 07/08/2025 18:41

You can actually end up having less sexual partners, if you are honest enough to define a relationship as FWB. It saves one party ending things because it has got too intense, or isn't moving on. FWB isn't defined via promiscuity.

@Anchorage56 that's a big problem, younger women think that they are in a relationship, because they are having regular sex with someone. Then before they know it, they've had a baby to a useless shit, who didn't want any of what it has turned into.

@Nevertrustacop an affair is being unfaithful, after pledging exclusivity.

You generally have a FWB/ FB because you don't want the conditions that exclusive relationships come with. It can be ideal when you have young children, after being widowed, while having health/life issues and you can't give head space to another person. I had mine after being widowed. I'm now in a exclusive relationship, but we don't live together full time. My peer group is 55+, but majority over 60. There's a lot of men who have fixed ideas about how women should be, when in a relationship, so for older women, a regular FWB can tick all the boxes.

Show quote history

Hi, sorry wasnt sure why you mentioned me, what's a big problem?

Sweetlikecocaa · 07/08/2025 18:45

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 17:00

@Ablondiebutagoody surely they can just use protection though, for their own safety and FWBs?

You could... but why would you want to go out of your way with different people deliberately? Surely sex is better with a regular person.

WalkDontWalk · 07/08/2025 18:50

What if it's 'I want sex from time to time, you want sex from time to time, neither of us wants to get into the whole dating, sleeping around, tinder thing, but we don't want a relationship either, so - as we get on well - let's fuck from time to time, knowing that neither of us is fucking anyone else but also that neither of us wants anything that requires any commitment outside of that'.

Is that not an FWB relationshp?

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:50

surely they can just use protection though, for their own safety and FWBs?

Some people will prefer exclusivity in FWBs because using condoms and other contraception doesn't protect from things like herpes and syphilis.

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:51

WalkDontWalk · 07/08/2025 18:50

What if it's 'I want sex from time to time, you want sex from time to time, neither of us wants to get into the whole dating, sleeping around, tinder thing, but we don't want a relationship either, so - as we get on well - let's fuck from time to time, knowing that neither of us is fucking anyone else but also that neither of us wants anything that requires any commitment outside of that'.

Is that not an FWB relationshp?

Some people would consider that FWB. I'd consider that fuck buddies (and to me they are different) if it's just sex.

Original poster
Larose123 · 07/08/2025 18:55

@WasThatACorner Okay so to be fully transparent, I had a FWB a few years ago that lasted less than a year. We had an unspoken agreement that we were exclusive but then again we were both busy and neither of us had many other opportunities at the time to meet other people. He also wasn't the type to sleep around at all! We have mutual friends so everyone knew about "us" and we almost became like an item in their eyes.

It ended because I caught feelings for the guy. In my head I feel like being exclusive with him made me think of him as "mine" if that makes sense. Not in a possessive sense but it made it feel more like a relationship & started to see a future with him. To him it wasn't that way.

I've changed a lot since then, I'm more mature but also get more male attention than before (I have changed physically, take care of myself more and am so much more confident since then). For this reason I just want to enjoy life and be able to have fun & dont want to be tied down.

So I basically want regular sex with someone I trust 100% and adore as a friend, but if Im on holiday or on a night out and something develops or I get talking to someone then I dont want to have feel bad about that! Or miss out! Equally I want my FWB to be free to have any experiences they want to have! Because hell, lifes too short!

@WasThatACorner you have nailed it, I want it yo be fun and no stress!!! Like any friendship should be!

OP posts:
WalkDontWalk · 07/08/2025 18:57

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 18:51

Some people would consider that FWB. I'd consider that fuck buddies (and to me they are different) if it's just sex.

Show quote history

But it's not just sex. It's precisely friends, who have sex, which is a benefit.

I think of fuck buddies as being people who are buddies only because of the sex.

Original poster
Larose123 · 07/08/2025 19:01

@WalkDontWalk see that also sounds like a great arrangement! But for me personally, I dont want to sleep around per say, but if some guy I meet at the gym wants to take me for a nice date, I dont want to have to say no to that!! Just an example

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 19:02

But it's not just sex. It's precisely friends, who have sex, which is a benefit.

I think of fuck buddies as being people who are buddies only because of the sex.

If they're friends then yes, it would be FWB. You didn't mention them being friends already in your post - just people wanting sex, hence my FB comment