Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that FWB should...

59 replies

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 16:42

AIBU to think that FWB should not be exclusive? If you are exclusive with someone, thats called a relationship!

Hit me with your opinions, thanks!

(Only interested because I'm considering doing FWB again at age 50)

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 19:03

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 18:55

@WasThatACorner Okay so to be fully transparent, I had a FWB a few years ago that lasted less than a year. We had an unspoken agreement that we were exclusive but then again we were both busy and neither of us had many other opportunities at the time to meet other people. He also wasn't the type to sleep around at all! We have mutual friends so everyone knew about "us" and we almost became like an item in their eyes.

It ended because I caught feelings for the guy. In my head I feel like being exclusive with him made me think of him as "mine" if that makes sense. Not in a possessive sense but it made it feel more like a relationship & started to see a future with him. To him it wasn't that way.

I've changed a lot since then, I'm more mature but also get more male attention than before (I have changed physically, take care of myself more and am so much more confident since then). For this reason I just want to enjoy life and be able to have fun & dont want to be tied down.

So I basically want regular sex with someone I trust 100% and adore as a friend, but if Im on holiday or on a night out and something develops or I get talking to someone then I dont want to have feel bad about that! Or miss out! Equally I want my FWB to be free to have any experiences they want to have! Because hell, lifes too short!

@WasThatACorner you have nailed it, I want it yo be fun and no stress!!! Like any friendship should be!

That all sounds understandable and reasonable. But do you have any male friends that you adore, trust 100% who are also single, that you want to have sex with and who want to have sex with you? Is there someone you have in mind?

ARichtGoodDram · 07/08/2025 19:04

So I basically want regular sex with someone I trust 100% and adore as a friend, but if Im on holiday or on a night out and something develops or I get talking to someone then I dont want to have feel bad about that! Or miss out! Equally I want my FWB to be free to have any experiences they want to have! Because hell, lifes too short!

Just explain that to anyone you meet and discuss FWB with.

Theres a pair of FWB's I know who don't use condoms with each other exclusively, but are free to meet others as long as they use condoms (or end their non-use).

The only "should" is that you should tell your FWB what your lines are and you should both respect what you agree on. Anything else is entirely between the two of you as what works for one pair won't always work for another .

EveryOtherNameTaken · 07/08/2025 19:23

FWB is casual and non-exclusive to me. It's almost a back up thing until you potentially meet an exclusive partner, or just fancy sex elsewhere.

Hence the literal 'friends' with benefits. You have more than one friend generally, but not partner.

BauhausOfEliott · 07/08/2025 19:37

Up to you and the one you're fucking, I'd say. There's no rule.

Personally, I don't think being exclusive is what makes something a 'relationship'. I've had what I'm guessing would now be called a FWB set-up with someone in the past, and that was 'exclusive'. But it wasn't a relationship. We weren't a partnership in any sense. Didn't meet each other's friends and family, didn't contact each other regularly, were fully aware that things would end as soon as one of us met someone else, and the arrangement was that if we saw each other, it was with the expectation of sex. If I'd had a date arranged with him and then, eg, woken up that morning with thrush, I'd have cancelled the date. We didn't even always stay over at each other's houses when we slept together. But the arrangement was that as soon as one of us met someone else we'd like to sleep with, we'd stop sleeping with each other.

Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 19:53

BauhausOfEliott · 07/08/2025 19:37

Up to you and the one you're fucking, I'd say. There's no rule.

Personally, I don't think being exclusive is what makes something a 'relationship'. I've had what I'm guessing would now be called a FWB set-up with someone in the past, and that was 'exclusive'. But it wasn't a relationship. We weren't a partnership in any sense. Didn't meet each other's friends and family, didn't contact each other regularly, were fully aware that things would end as soon as one of us met someone else, and the arrangement was that if we saw each other, it was with the expectation of sex. If I'd had a date arranged with him and then, eg, woken up that morning with thrush, I'd have cancelled the date. We didn't even always stay over at each other's houses when we slept together. But the arrangement was that as soon as one of us met someone else we'd like to sleep with, we'd stop sleeping with each other.

How sure were you that he wasnt having sex with other people?

Original poster
Larose123 · 07/08/2025 20:34

@ARichtGoodDramthat is exactly what I had in mind, not use protection with FWB but always use a condom with more temporary/ one off hook ups.

@Anchorage56 I have a few and one or two in mind who might be up for it. Not best friends or anything, but mates yes

OP posts:
Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 20:56

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 20:34

@ARichtGoodDramthat is exactly what I had in mind, not use protection with FWB but always use a condom with more temporary/ one off hook ups.

@Anchorage56 I have a few and one or two in mind who might be up for it. Not best friends or anything, but mates yes

Lucky you! My male friends I don't fancy them unfortunately.

Ponoka7 · 08/08/2025 09:22

Anchorage56 · 07/08/2025 18:43

Hi, sorry wasnt sure why you mentioned me, what's a big problem?

Show quote history

Sorry it was for @Summerhillsquare

LoveLaugh · 12/12/2025 00:49

SameOldMe · 07/08/2025 17:42

Interesting had this was an issue for me last year - met a lovely man on dating site and he told me he wasn't interested in a relationship but was happy to have some fun.
i agreed as it suited me and after some time he complained I was still on the site.
in my opinion if have an exclusivity chat then it's a relationship.
He only wanted fun so then i thought i was free to see other people !
in any case communication is key here .

I agree he didn't have any right to complain as there wasn't any exclusivity explicitly defined in your communication x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page