Surprise girlfriend

[denpark]

I had a fling with a guy a few months ago. It was a brief friendship that resulted in a one night thing and I haven’t seen him since.

This week I had a call from a woman who told me that she was his girlfriend. She knew the date we’d been together, she knew my name and she was yelling down the phone at me that I was a bitch and that I’d ruined her life.

I had no idea that he had a girlfriend. There were no photos on show around the house. I feel awful but from my perspective, I met a single guy…

What do I do now? I have her number. Do I contact her? Do I leave it? I’m so upset that someone has been hurt when I had zero clue that she existed.

I'd be quite angry with her as she had no right to have a go at you.

I'd either message saying sorry but you had no idea he had a girlfriend, or I'd just block her and in future take your time dating someone.

I wouldnt even apologise tbh, you didnt know he had a girlfriend and she sounds unhinged calling you and screaming!

Weird woman, just explain that you didnt know he was seeing anyone and that she needs to sort it with him. Then block and delete xx

This
I would say sorry if she’d have been nice.

Completely agree, there's a way to have such a conversation, and she did not choose that way

I would block her and move on neither of you have good taste in men so be thankful you are not her it may help to get to know people before sleeping with them first?

You’ve done nothing wrong. He is the one at fault here. Do you have overlapping friendship groups? If so it might be worth mentioning to people what happened before she starts telling everyone you’re a homewrecker or some crazy bulshit.

I really really feel for her as I got cheated on, which ended my marriage. So I would never knowingly do that to someone else. But it looks as if I did. And I’m really upset.

I didn’t get a chance to say anything to her really as I was just so confused on the phone call. I initially had no clue who she was talking about (he has a common name) and when she went off on one at me about how I ‘knew he had a girlfriend’ I just stammered at her that I didn’t know what she was talking about. Because I didn’t.

However he clearly kept text messages which would make it very obvious as to what we did. I’m so so upset. And angry.

He hasn’t even had the decency to message to give me the heads up.

I’m not sure if we have overlapping friends but it’s highly likely.

I know I made a poor judgement call (alcohol played a part but I take full responsibility). However I’m single and thought he was too. I’m an idiot.

Consensual sex with someone who, to all intents and purposes, was single was not bad judgement on your part. You can’t know everything about someone and he’s the one in the wrong.

Just message you had no idea he had a gf and she should be approaching him about the situation and not you.

Then block.

Her behaviour wasn't fair but I think you owe it yourself as to much as her to tell the truth in whatever way keeps you safe but gets the truth out. Her behaviour was not ok, but people do mad things in the heat of anger.

I would text and say: I had no idea he was with anyone, he certainly didn't tell me. I will tell you anything you need to know that might help but not if you are going to scream at me. Do you want a telephone call?

You've done nothing wrong, but the best way to walk away from this is to be upfront and give her the information she needs. Unless she's a total lunatic, in which case the telephone call works and if she's over the top you can hang up and block.

I say this as someone who has also been through it and it's horrible and I totally sympathise.

Let her know, in uncertain terms, that he never told you he had a girlfriend. Make it clear that you wouldn’t have been interested if he wasn’t single.

That's what I would do

you're not an idiot at all, how on earth would you guess? You went to his place as well, it's not like he could have hidden if he was married with kids.

It's one night with a guy, don't fret about it, you've done nothing wrong as long as he wore a condom. (for your own safety)

You didn’t make a poor judgement call at all. You were single and believed him to be single. I’d be absolutely furious with him.

Did he use a condom, otherwise STI tests all round?

It was all done safely and I’ve since had STI checks anyway so I know I’m all ok. I’m furious with him and really feel for her but I don’t think I can message her as she was so aggressive. We seem to have mutual friends so I’m going to have to get the message across via a grapevine, I think.

why would anyone wait to discover someone has a girlfriend to worry about no condom and STI?

I would message back

he told me he was single the issues with him not me so take it out on him

then block

He probably told her you knew he had a gf and led him astray.

That’s what I reckon he’s done (telling her that I knew). I’m so angry for me and upset for her. What an absolute arsehole. I did some digging and it turns out that he got divorced because, guess what- he cheated. With the girlfriend that phoned me. Plus he’s cheated a lot in the past so he has form.

He was SO convincing. I think I’m in a little bit of shock as I truly believed him. His house was very masculine in appearance and there were no photos of a girlfriend and no obvious signs at all (like no tampons or products in the bathroom). From what she yelled at me it sounds as if they weren’t completely living together but were going to. He was clearly on a mission to score and must have hidden her things.

You're absolutely not an idiot.

You owe nothing to her. He owes everything to her. She's misdirected her anger. She needs to open her eyes and see him for who he is.

She has contacted me today more calmly, wanting to talk. What do I do? She doesn’t deserve to be with a cheat but I don’t want to be slap bang in the middle of all of this.