To not want 3 dogs in my house?

[unwinding5]

My new boyfriend and I live about an hour away from each other, but we both drive, so travelling isn’t an issue. The catch is, he has 3 dogs. We usually see each other every weekend and take turns staying at each other's places.

He recently asked if he could start bringing the dogs along when he stays at my house as it’s difficult for him to find someone to watch them over the weekend (his brother and a friend have been helping him out so far). The thing is, my house isn’t very big. It’s only a 2 bedroom, and the second bedroom is tiny. I only moved in at the start of the year, and I’ve decorated it and put in new carpets throughout. Plus, my garden isn’t secure for dogs, so they could easily escape.

Two of the dogs aren’t fully house trained yet either and tend to have accidents. His place has laminate flooring downstairs, which makes it easier for him to clean up. I love animals and enjoy spending time with the dogs when I’m at his place, but there’s a huge difference between having 1 dog and 3, and I think it would be easier for me to spend more time at his place rather than him bringing all of them here (and potentially wrecking my house). I feel guilty though, like I’m leaving them out.

Would it be unreasonable for me to say no?

No not unreasonable but it may well become a dealbreaker because anyone with 3 dogs is going to have to spend very significant time and money on those dogs which will inevitably have an impact on the time and money they can spend on other things.

When he visits you without his dogs you aren’t getting the full picture of what his life is like. Since this is a new relationship it’s worth having a conversation about this even if it is difficult.

Absolutely YANBU. I say this as a complete dog loving maniac 😍

Would you be happy to just go to his most of the time? You don’t have to live with him to have a relationship.

Not unreasonable at all, and I can't understand how he would even suggest it if two of them are not house trained. I absolutely would not allow this and would come up with plan B as you have done.

Christ no. YANBU to not want your boyfriend's dogs shitting and pissing in your nice home. If he thinks YABU, he needs his head inspecting. And so do you if you cave into any pressure and let him bring them with him. It's a hard no.

Fuck that. Even if they were house trained it would be a no from me.

I once ditched a guy because of his 2 dogs. They were so hectic, I hated going to his place. Hair and slobber everywhere and everything was dog this, vets that, isn't that one funny blah, blah, blah. I just wanted to chill out, wine, sex, and not have him touch me with dirty dog hands. Find a better bf.

No thank you. A dirty, smelly, slobbery, non-toilet trained noisy pack of animals who would need walking multiple times a day.

Fuck that one right off.

Yanbu but I would question long term how this would work? I assume one day of all goes well you’d move in together and the dogs would then be living with you then etc.

i'm afraid that would be an absolutely emphatic "NO!" from me.

Its ok to say no, but then you only see him every other weekend.

It's highly likely youre not compatible long term.

Im a dog lover but understand where you're coming from, however, it will be tricky to make it work if your bf can't leave his dogs. I can't leave mine as she's elderly so in his situation I would have to put my dog first.

It’s fine not to have them in your house. If you want to continue to see BF most weekends, you probably need to spend more time at his.

I would be telling him, it’s a definite no, until the dogs are fully house trained. Thereafter, you will have a better idea on what spending time with him and his dogs looks like.

Ultimately, I would think the dogs will come as part of the package, but perhaps you can take some more time to determine if that’s for you.

You could go to his more but I think you really need to think this through.
This going to end up being a deal breaker eventually because further down the line, things get serious, he's not going to give up the dogs is he?

I fully understand what you’re saying, it does depend on what type of dogs they are too, big / small sort / long hair. I would say that when they are all fully house trained and past the chewing destructive stage and he helps make the garden dog friendly you will reconsider. Until then you will go mostly to his .

Yanbu to say no to having the dogs in the house. He’s also not being unreasonable to say he can’t come to yours as often. Wether that would affect the relationship only you two will know that

First question i would ask is why has a single guy got 3 dogs. It doesnt sound like they are particularly well trained so i dont get the vibes of having them for work.

Most single blokes do well to look after themselves never mind 3 dogs. I would be looking seriously at this guys life choices before committing to any relationship

Of course it's not unreasonable. But where do you see this relationship going assuming you knew he had dogs prior .

They could be around another 10 yrs + and it would be wholly unreasonable in the future you decide its you or the dogs

yanbu, but can't see how this relationship will work because of the dogs.

I'm a dog lover but this would be a hard no from me. Can't believe he's even considering bringing dogs that aren't house trained into your house.

Also, why aren't the dogs house trained? It's not difficult.

I love dogs but I’m also a clean freak. My own dog doesn’t shed (a massive plus) and has the occasional accident, but I put up with it because I bloody adore that animal. But I’d really struggle with having other people’s dogs in my home, with their dirt and smell.

Yanbu. Could you not stay more at his place? The room and the chance of them escaping would surely mean your house isn't suitable for them.
I love dogs BTW but I I wouldn't risk having them where they might get out and nor would I want to have to deep clean my carpets because one of them peed or poohed.

It’s tough isn’t it, as you like this guy, his pets shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It’s a shame he has so many, one would suffice!!

I think you’re going to have to think about how this will work long term, but for now, I think it’s best you have an arrangement where say, in a month you go to his three weekends, and the fourth weekend he can get his brother and friend to help, if they’re happy doing it once a month or so? But I do think you need to stick to your guns with not letting them come to your house.

When my boyfriend and I first met, he would mostly stay at mine as I have a cat and couldn’t just leave her. It worked well as he was the one travelling, but I felt more like I was “hosting” so it was a good balance of fairness.

Not a chance in hell would I be having 3 dogs in my home. The fact they're untrained makes it even worse.

YANBU to suggest going to his place more often, instead of his bringing the dogs with him to yours, but as PP have said, I'd only continue this relationship if you'd be happy living full time with these dogs for the next decade or so. If you move in to a new place together and want to upgrade to new carpets and furniture, will you be okay with the dogs contributing to wear and tear?

As a lifelong dog-owner, I know I must factor them into all my decor choices and accept that they'll occasionally vomit on the floor, constantly shed fur absolutely everywhere, track dirt in on their paws, and so on.

I say this as a dog lover and someone who has owned multiple dogs.

NO.

Your house would be a wreck in a month. Seriously. Two of his dogs aren't even housetrained. You yard is not fully fenced and secure.

Your house will be peed in, shat in, thrown up in, dog fur everywhere, and he won't be paying for new carpet or furniture or things his dogs break.

What if his dogs are barkers? Are your neighbors cool with that?

It's a very unreasonable ask. He can shell out for dog sitting if his family and friends are sick of doing it for free.

Just how new is this relationship? Either go to his or he gets dog sitters. He should be investing in dog training if his dogs aren't even housebroken. WTF.

I didn’t want three dogs in my house either. So I got a fourth..lol, sorry. Seriously though op, three dogs is a lot of work and commitment and I can understand why you wouldn’t want them in your house. See him at his place if it’s easier (although he might be a bit hurt about your lack of enthusiasm for his dogs, given he had them before you met). I see my partner at mine most of the time for the same reason - easier all round.