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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to reconnect with cousins after this?

80 replies

eastendegal · 05/08/2025 11:16

At 16/17 I kind of went through a typical teenage phase drinking, boys etc and as result of this I was disowned by my cousins and older siblings.

They themselves would do everything I was doing but because they were older (in 20s and 30s) they had a massive issue with it.

Cut a long story short I had to leave home and went through homelessness etc but I found myself and met an amazing man who happened to be very wealthy and have been with him since I was 22, I’m now 33.

We have 2 kids together with a third on the way.

I only have contact with my parents.

My siblings and cousins have tried to reconnect with me over the years but I just can’t forgive them for how they treated me and how I suffered a lot of verbal abuse at their hands especially from my sister.

My parents visited over the weekend and we took pictures which my mum posted on social media and it again prompted a reaction from a cousin who wants to meet up.

Nobody was there for me (apart from my parents) when I really needed them and was alone but now all of a sudden they want to reconnect after all these years.

They could of asked my parents for my number earlier, (cousins didn’t even ask for my number it was only because our parents were going on holiday and my mum asked my cousin to text me so I know they landed ok).

I am not interested as I feel it’s too late.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MinPinSins · 05/08/2025 14:49

You absolutely shouldn't speak to anyone you don't want, but it does seem slightly odd to me that you're happy having contact with your parents, the ones who had a responsibility to house you no matter what your siblings or cousins did.

Lafufufu · 05/08/2025 14:50

How long were you homeless?
Was it just for the night or several weeks?

Either way its not right what happened

@Grex I could be wrong but i don't think op is "standard britsh" and there's other factors at play

Cherrysoup · 05/08/2025 14:51

They don’t sound like people I’d be in a hurry to forgive or be around. Are they harassing your parents to get you to re-start contact? I hope your parents have told them to stop if so.

TheCurious0range · 05/08/2025 14:52

I don't think you hold your parents accountable enough, they are the only ones who could make you homeless, they are the ones responsible for protecting you. I wouldn't be having a bar of the cousins but I don't think I'd be meeting up with parents for insta posts either

No3392 · 05/08/2025 15:00

Why didn't your parents take you back in? They need to take some accountability for making you homeless.

Germanroadman · 05/08/2025 15:03

Wow that is enormous no I would not be speaking to them. I don’t speak to my own siblings because one brother SA my sister and me and there was constant bullying from my two older brothers which led onto the SA.

I do wonder though @eastendegal where were your parents in all of this? Where are they now? My parents behaved as they always have done towards my brothers’ behaviour when they found out, pretended it had absolutely nothing to do with them, and so I don’t speak to them either. Some families are just unbelievably toxic.

PringlesTube · 05/08/2025 15:03

God op they were abusive. Tell them to fuck off. I’d never forgive them, though you have forgiven your parents so the choice is yours.

Original poster
eastendegal · 05/08/2025 15:05

I was homeless for months, sleeping on friends sofa’s etc.
I managed to secure a job and moved to a big city 40 minutes away.

I am of Indian origin but I was born here.

My siblings are very aggressive and one has even been convicted for ABH, my brother would tell my parents to F off and was and is a very aggressive bully.
They were scared of him.

OP posts:
Germanroadman · 05/08/2025 15:07

eastendegal · 05/08/2025 15:05

I was homeless for months, sleeping on friends sofa’s etc.
I managed to secure a job and moved to a big city 40 minutes away.

I am of Indian origin but I was born here.

My siblings are very aggressive and one has even been convicted for ABH, my brother would tell my parents to F off and was and is a very aggressive bully.
They were scared of him.

You are doing the absolute right thing keeping them away from you. Those tendencies don’t change and when stress comes on out again they come. My older brother and I got on well for a while but then the whole family blew up and in times of stress his bullying behaviour towards me started up again. Stay away and keep yourself safe.

Notsosure1 · 05/08/2025 15:09

eastendegal · 05/08/2025 14:14

I ended up homeless because my siblings had ganged up on me and on returning from a night out I was told to leave and not come back.

My parents were asleep upstairs at the time.

Yeah my cousin got away with strangling me.
My parents often say that they felt scared by the rest of the family.
My dad himself was bullied by cousins dad as a kid.

It just seems to be a cycle of bullying in the family by the elders.

I am very particular who I have around my kids and have made it clear that none of my siblings or cousins will ever meet my kids (after they have repeatedly asked to meet them).

They may have been the ones to kick you out but why didn’t your parents say “You can come back”?

And bearing that in mind why aren’t you more angry with them and have accepted them in your lives when they saw you actually homeless?

How did you meet your husband?

bluecurtains14 · 05/08/2025 15:10

eastendegal · 05/08/2025 15:05

I was homeless for months, sleeping on friends sofa’s etc.
I managed to secure a job and moved to a big city 40 minutes away.

I am of Indian origin but I was born here.

My siblings are very aggressive and one has even been convicted for ABH, my brother would tell my parents to F off and was and is a very aggressive bully.
They were scared of him.

Your parents weren't asleep upstairs for months, what did they do for you in that time?

SL2924 · 05/08/2025 15:33

You are better off without them, OP. Break the toxic cycle. Don’t let them back in your life. They sound awful.

MyDeftHedgehog · 05/08/2025 16:08

God no, stay away from these horrible people. How dare they even expect you to reconnect with them? Im guessing the cousin who strangled you wasn't reported to the police?

Radiatorsa · 05/08/2025 16:14

Absolutely not.
Have nothing further to do with any of them.
Tell your parents to stop posting photos.
They sound awful.
Stay far away from them and protect your children from them all.

Lafufufu · 05/08/2025 16:15

Your parents have behaved terribly here too. I'm amazed you still have a relationship with them.
They failed you badly and repeatedly.

Enjoy the life you've built and dont let these people back in at all.

MounjaroMounjaro · 05/08/2025 16:17

You should end this terrible cycle now by completely ignoring them. They don't even deserve an answer. They only want to know you because you're with a wealthy man. They treated you appallingly and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It must have been awful for you.

Keep away from them and certainly don't let them meet your new family. I hope you've been able to tell your husband everything you've gone through at their hands.

KiteFlight · 05/08/2025 16:20

No good would come from reconnecting with these people. Carry on as you are and don’t let them into the life you have built for yourself. Toxic people do not change.

BauhausOfEliott · 05/08/2025 16:20

It doesn't actually matter what you did/didn't do as a teenager - if you don't want to reconnect, you don't have to. You don't have any obligation to maintain contact with people just because you're related to them, and it sounds as if it would drag up a lot of things from your teen years that you'd rather not have to re-live.

It also sounds as if you were quite frightened of at least some of your family members. You have every right to trust your instincts and stay away from them.

stayathomer · 05/08/2025 16:21

It depends, we don’t know what you went through and there’s a chance you remember it differently to how it happened. Also the fact that you’re asking I wonder if deep down you so want to see them. Saying that, of course there’s the option of just saying ‘ah I can’t but take care’.

BernardButlersBra · 05/08/2025 16:26

It's a no from me. Doesn't sound like your parents have learned from it or changed or will stand up for you any better

anytipswelcome · 05/08/2025 16:26

I wouldn’t want abusers and apologists around my children so no I wouldn’t reconnect. I’m sorry nobody encouraged you to report a grown man strangling you, that’s awful. I’m so pleased you met someone lovely and have built a life away from the people who tormented you.

anytipswelcome · 05/08/2025 16:27

Lafufufu · 05/08/2025 16:15

Your parents have behaved terribly here too. I'm amazed you still have a relationship with them.
They failed you badly and repeatedly.

Enjoy the life you've built and dont let these people back in at all.

I agree and would be very cautious about the level of unsupervised contact they had with my children.

ilovepixie · 05/08/2025 16:28

Are you Asian?

Whatwouldnanado · 05/08/2025 16:31

Be civil for your parents sake but keep out of their way unless unavoidable, funerals etc. Don’t let this toxic controlling abusive lot have anything to do with your own family. Agree there’s at least curiosity about your financial position here. Keep away.

OnePerkyReader · 05/08/2025 16:43

How come your parents didn’t call you OP and tell you to come home? I am older than you and I had a mobile phone at 13, you must have had one at 18. If your parents had no idea you’d been kicked out, they must have wanted you back? No one could frighten me enough not to support my son, his safety would come before my own, so your dad being scared is odd. Unless you mean he was scared for your safety and thought you better off out of the house?

You don’t need to ask for validation here. It seems like you don’t want to forgive them, in which case, don’t. You are clearly stable and happy, why jeopardise that for them? Let sleeping dogs lie.