Friend having affair - utterly sickened by it

[NewcastleNancy]

A friend has been married a long time

Her husband is getting older now and struggling to find work and then have big money worries. He's 10 year older and wants to retire. But can't as they can't afford it.

They have also both had health worries. Him at the moment. Her in the past. Because he isn't earning much she has had to work full-time and is angry about it.

She told me she is having an affair and wants to end the marriage. But only if affair partner will rescue her. His wife has found out and he ended it but then he started it again.

She has always been unfaithful and lined up the next one before ending the current relationship. This will destroy her husband.

I am finding this so hard. I ended my marriage and went through much pain. Never once did I consider another relationship until I was free and single.

She and I just seem to have different morals.

AIBU to distance myself from her?

How much contact do you usually have with this friend Op?

and given your disgust, I’m guessing you weren’t actually reliant on anonymous posters for how you decide to conduct your relationship or end it with your friend of a few decades…. So have you decided what you’ll do?

Ha, I know of a few people who are perfectly happy within their marriage, yet still fancy a bit extra on the side.

Some people just want more, regardless of how good what they've already got is.

‘I think it's do as you would be done by. But I also think people who are happily married don't have affairs.’

@NewcastleNancy Nope.

Plenty of research out there to show that affairs happen in ‘happy marriages’.

‘Unhappy marriage’ is just one of many many excuses cheats use. Ultimately cheats cheat because they’re selfish and entitled and using someone else to fill whatever void is missing in themselves.

You know a few people who are having affairs?

Are you close to them? Have they admitted to you? Or do you suspect?

I recently found out a friend of mine had an affair. Hadn’t been married long. I’ve tried really hard to be non-judgemental about it, she’s one of my oldest friends, she knows she did a bad thing and is now in relationship with the ap and it seems to be going well.

…but it has been hard

I ended a friendship because I found out my then friend was having an affair with a married man who had young children.

I just couldn't be friends with someone who had no morals and wanted to break up a young family. All I heard was how wonderful he was in bed... etc.. he never took her anywhere. Not even for a meal. He only wanted to get his leg over and she was convenient. It just didn't sit well with me and she would tell me how wonderful he was. I just couldn't sit there encouraging her relationship. I did try and help her find someone else but she would always go back to him. It was a lost cause so I ended the friendship for my own sanity.

Unfortunately yes.

The main example is my Dad. He had multiple affairs with people over the course of his marriage to my Mum, including one with her sister. Told me he was perfectly happy with my Mum, and had she never found out, he'd have stayed married to her. Luckily she did find out and got rid of him. He had no desire to divorce, apparently loved her, and wanted to spend his life with her. He just liked fucking other people as well. Needless to say, he's a twat.

I've known a few others like it as well, mostly through work, would cheat on their partners by hooking up with people on works nights out. Often went on to marry the partners they cheated on, so can't have been unhappy with them.

Unhappiness in a relationship may contribute to people having affairs, but it's certainly not a requirement. Some happy people cheat too, just because they think they can get away with it.

Who needs a friend as judgemental as you?