Husband and Childcare?

[HideBehindTheShed]

I need to start this by saying I’m currently 7 1/2 months pregnant so can’t quite figure out if I’m just being extremely hormonal.

Me and DH have a DD who is 2 1/2. I am very very fortunate to work in a school so I am currently off for 6 weeks. So I can cover childcare. Which I know is a fortunate position to be in.

DH has 5 days off work last week into this week. Thurs until today. I asked him if he wanted to do anything. When he was hesitant. I also asked him to think of something we could do because I’ve got to think of things for the next 6 weeks so any support from him would be helpful. I don’t mean big expensive days out. I am happy to bake, paint, jump in puddles, go the local park, play in the garden and I also think it’s important for our toddler to stay in, figure out what to do herself when she’s bored - obviously just not everyday. After what felt like me nagging he suggested one activity, it’s a climbing activity that we love doing as a family but obviously in my current state I can’t do - he wanted us to do it as a family. Today he suggested putting wet suits on and going the park. Where we live their is currently a weather warning - with risk to life. I don’t mind getting out in any weather just not dangerous weather.

This is what our week has looked like…
Thurs - went food shopping then stayed in.
Friday - stayed in
Saturday - stayed in (went out for a meal with family Saturday night - organised by me)
Sunday - stayed in.
Monday - after I’ve said no, because of the weather warning looks like we’re staying in.

Our toddler is definitely getting cabin fever now and she is staring to play up! I have told him I am not happy that he can’t think of anything to do and his answer is “I am not as good as you.” I’ve told him that’s a rubbish excuse and we both started without kids and he needs to learn like I did.

Am I being unreasonable for expecting some support planning things when he’s off? Or should I sort it all because I’m off longer? I realise I can just take our daughter out I just wanted to feel supported? Am I being a bit spoilt here? I’ve walked out the house because I just need to get out! HELP - please tell me straight.

He did suggest something but it sounds like most outdoor things can’t be done due to weather warning? I personally don’t really take this approach. My husband organises a ton of stuff that I don’t really like organising, but he isn’t the most creative when it comes to activities with our son. Maybe he is happy to stay in too?

if you want to go out, organise something? Don’t see this as a big deal

Why do you think you could possibly be unreasonable? The man sounds incredibly stupid, and lazy.

Has he educated himself on basic parenting and child development?

Dumping parenting on to the domestic appliance (woman) is misogynistic.

Go and do things you enjoy while he's dossing around the house.

Two very different replies - I think this is why I am questioning myself! Thank you both though!

It’s weaponised incompetence. He’ll obviously point out he has suggested things, which aren’t feasible due to how pregnant you are or the weather.

Both these replies are making me feel better - I felt a tad guilty for walking out! Thank you so much!

Can you go to a local play park before the weather gets too rough?
Even half an hour running around, playing on swings/slide will be nice for toddler. Daddy can run around after them. Stop for ice cream or something on the way home? Or have a nice treat once home.
This afternoon go onto Youtube & find some toddler friendly singalong/dance along videos. Frozen, Baby Shark, DJ Raffi (sp?), The Wiggles.
This would keep my Dgd amused. Bear in the Big Blue House & Mickey Mouse Fun House is popular with her as well.

I wouldn't stay in because my DH couldn't think of anything to do. If the weather is rubbish then soft play? Museum? If you're desperate and skint, IKEA or Pets at home used to keep mine entertained for a bit. Staying in just isn't great for anyone I would think that the adults would have cabin fever let alone a two year old.

YANBU. He knows that you’ll sort it for him if he doesn’t do it.
When mine were toddlers and I worked part time (therefore did more of the childcare) we had a ‘rule’ that when DH was off he came up with the plans, because I did it the rest of the time and had decision fatigue.

I am actually being stubborn. I can think of loads of things for us there are local museums that do free toddler events an art gallery that does toddler painting and I am going to a play centre with friends later in the week. He’s back in work tomorrow I just wanted him to actually organise something while off.

Does he feel guilty for leaving his toddler in the house for 5 days?
He needs to deal with the natural consequences of keeping the child housebound. Let him.

For the future, both of you use chatgpt. It's great for coming up with ideas especially when your brain is frazzled from work or overload or from being very pregnant.

Decision fatigue - I love this! Made me laugh thank you!

He sounds very uninvolved. A shit parent and a shit partner to be honest.

I'd stay out for the day and leave him to entertain your daughter who will be climbing the walls after spending the whole week inside.

You're an adult and can decide what you want to do.

You're not trying to get him to entertain his child, you're trying to get him to entertain you because you're bored.

He suggested climbing, for the kid. You cant do that, so you don't want to go and watch from the sidelines. You are not thinking about the kid, you're thinking about you.

He probably wants to chill and enjoy the short amount of time off he gets without having to entertain another adult.

Im not saying he is being responsible here, but just want to put it bluntly - don't pretend it's the child you want activities for. It's for you. Else you'd have gone to watch them go climbing, for your kid.

Next time, you think of something you want to do. Tell him you're leaving the kid with him to take care of whilst you go and entertain yourself out the house. Meeting a friend or something.

It's win-win - you stop being bored if it all goes ahead, and I bet you he'll end up thinking of appropriate family things to do together anyway and suggest those instead of you going out alone, so he's not left alone with her.

You’re right! Thank you. I am actually planning on staying out all day now. I don’t know if this is too far though but I think this might help him moving forward, I somehow think he might get better at it after a day of solo toddlering - with a cabin fever toddler 😂

so i'm in 2 minds here. If you are going to be off for 6 weeks, and you know it, you could have gathered some ideas for things to do, and rainy day alternatives.

You probably spend more time with your child, so it is no wonder that your DH doesn't have that much idea.

There is also the aspect that maybe he wanted to just relax and veg out for his time off? I know that when i was the sole earner it was a huge stress and i was constantly on edge about lots of things. Exhausting.

When you have 2 you will have to be much more on top of the planning i'm afraid, so get him involved early on. Often with 2 small kids it means divide and conquer with a child each, and presumably you'll have the baby more at the start. So he needs to get used to it. Help him out a bit here.

He’s not the sole earner, the OP stayed clearly in her post that she works in a school.

Thank you for your reply. I work in a leadership role in a school. I earn significantly more than DH. (I didn’t think this was relevant so kept it out) He works part time as a result. He does not work Fridays anyway so does childcare Fridays. They normally stay in the house on Fridays, local park or a play center we have visited as a family.

You’re not being unreasonable.
My DH is like this, no imagination for family activities at all.
I just plan what I want to do with kids and drag him along. If I left it to him, we’d never go anywhere or do anything.
I’d recommend national trust, we’ve got 4 children and it’s something like £12 a month. Take a picnic and it’s a virtually free day out.

Not sure why people are making excuses, given that DH has less time with your child overall, I would expect a good parent to have been looking forward to having some extended time off with their child, and planning things to do together to get some quality time, even if that was staying in colouring etc!
He literally hasnt thought about it and has left it to you because he sees you as a default parent, which is problematic.
If OP organises 95% of the 'fun stuff' its not unreasonable to expect DH to get off his arse and do this tiny bit.
And if he wanted to chill, he should have used his words and communicated this long before his leave, with compromise built in. 'I could really do with a day to relax and a day to get xxx job at home done, maybe we could do x and y on the other days and then have a chill day at home on the 5th day?' Its not bloody rocket science.

He sounds a bit bloody useless to be honest. Has he actually done activities with your little one while you’ve all been indoors? Baking? Painting? Role play? Etc etc.

Stay out all day.
Nip this laziness in the bud now, it has gone on far too long.
Grabbing snacks, a rug a stroller and heading off to the nearest playground/park is what parents do every day to get fresh air into kids.
It doesn't have to cost anything.

What do you all do when you’re at home all day with the toddler? Is he playing with her/doing activities with her or just chilling while she amuses herself? I can’t even imagine being stuck at home for days on end with a 2 year old 😬. The odd day is fine, but we’d all be climbing the walls after a prolonged period of it.

Thank you so much! If he had said to me let’s do x and x and a few days in the house. Oh and I could do with a few hours to myself I really wouldn’t have minded. You have hit the nail on the head. It’s the lack of communication and transparency. Feels like he doesn’t want to spend time with us!

Crafty things that I have initiated or role play that he has initiated. When we’re at home he is very involved. Makes dinner and tea and gets toddler involved. It’s getting him out the house that seems to be the problem.