Ways middle aged men have told us off this week

[Siblingsadness]

I've got 2 today and it's not even midday yet
I swim every day at 6am . There's normally about 6 of us, today I had the pool all to myself. I swam in one of the lanes as i am working on staying straight during certain strokes. After about 20 minutes a man got in the pool. I've seen him before, he always goes in the unlaned bit and does physio walking up and down.
Today he came over to the lane and said I shouldn't be in there as its the fast lane and I wasn't fast. I thought he was joking so I laughed. He then said he wasn't joking and I needed to move. Of course I told him not to be ridiculous, no one else was in here and if someone fast wanted it, I'd move. He called me a silly batch.
Then just now in tescos, I was in the pasta aisle and a man picked up a jar of pasta sauce and said "is this any good" I said I wasn't sure sorry, I normally just get the passata and put onion and garlic in it. He sort of mocked me and said "ooh good cook are you" I said yes, I'm OK and I enjoy it too. He then said "well at least I can parallel park you silly cow"
Now I know I just encountered 2 nutters (maybe a third is on the way) but I'm a bit cheeky and a cow before lunch today despite just going for a swim and buying cheaper pasta ingredients. 🤣🤣

Anyone pushing past someone is rude, obviously, regardless of their sex. However I've not noticed it as a pattern of behaviour in women. In fact, maybe I'm fortunate as I've rarely had anyone push past me. I've had strangers of both sexes help me, and I've helped others. To me, it's every day decency, not something that makes one 'lovely'.

Not abuse - but patronisingly called "young lady" (I am in my 60s!) repeatedly by a middle aged twat as he tried to justify why it was perfectly reasonable for him to have parked in my car port. He seemed put out that I wasn't interested in his explanations or his smarmy attempts to be charming and that I just wanted his car moved immediately. I still feel annoyed when I think about it.

I had a similar situation once when I was in my early twenties, with a older man coming in the other direction shouted at me because I didn't wait for him to get all the way past a line of cars. I told him to "keep his hair on" (he was bald). It's the only time in my entire life I've come up with a retort at the time, instead of thinking of it afterwards!

Obviously reply (or not) as you choose, but my mum had a matching response to this:

A whistling woman and a hen that crows,
Is sure to get on wherever she goes 😃

One of my favorite things in the swimming pool is when you see a man who's quite fit and strong and thinks that will make him automatically a good swimmer.
But what happens is he has rubbish technique and all his effort results in a lot of splashing and very little forward motion.
So you can easily beat him and he hates it ✊🏻🤣

The one I can't forget: I was just about to get on a bus and put on a face mask and the bus driver who was standing by the bus, smoking, looked at me and said 'your glasses have steamed up.'

I knew this, of course. What he really meant was 'why are you wearing a mask?' Well the answer to that was I had some virus and didn't want to pass it on to anyone else, so I put on an FFP3 mask.

I thought of various replies such as 'It means I don't have to look at your ugly face,' but didn't bother in the end.

My local station is tiny so not really an issue but at a big city station I use when visiting DD the women, particularly the young women, are rude. Always pushing on the stairs. I actually hang back when train empties so I'm not in their way as it actually feels dangerous sometimes on the stone stairs.

Not all women but the rude ones pushing are women.

@Sdpbody in my head, your eyes turned into red lasers and you obliterated the knob

Bloody hell. Do you police every thread pointing out that we've only got the OP's word for it that their story is true?

Get with the programme! 🤣

This is brilliant, 👏🏻 😁
Any time a bald or nearly bald man tries to boss you about the automatic response must be- alright mate, keep your hair on.

I was walking along the road the other day when an elderly lady was walking towards me and said 'isn't it hot today?' Being polite I responded agreeing with her. She then said 'you wouldn't be hot if you lost weight you fat cow!'
I was too surprised to come back with a witty one liner. I'm a size 10.

I have so many of these from over the years, some outright aggressive, some not consciously ill-intended but showing internalised misogyny. Quite a lot have happened when I’ve been in what could be seen as a vulnerable state (like pregnant)/doing something considered a male prerogative (like exercising in the same space as men and - the horror - perhaps being better than them). I think I’ve posted in the past about the many, many times men have made unnecessary or attempted belittling comments about me in the swimming pool (because I’m faster than the vast majority of them). On many occasions when running, I’ve had
men ‘cheer’ me on.

A relatively recent one was when I was out running with my husband and I was slightly behind him. Usually, I am a bit ahead (not a good runner but a bit faster than husband) but that occasion was a week after I’d been dangerously ill from haemorrhaging after losing a baby late in the second trimester and was recovering from emergency surgery. Three men thought it was a good idea to cheer me on, ‘encouraging’ me to catch up to my husband. I do often challenge men like that, but on that occasion I felt I didn’t have the strength to get into what had happened to me and why their behaviour was so appalling.

When I do challenge, I have a couple of generic lines that work quite well (take your pick depending on how strongly you want to challenge):

’Are you always a misogynistic twat or is it just on Tuesdays?’ (Substitute appropriate day)

’That comment reflects really poorly on you. I’m so sorry you felt it was appropriate to make it.’

They both used the word “silly” did they?

Ewww cringe! 😖

'Ella here is 89 years YOUNG.' I fecking hate that. Sooooooo patronising.... And anyone calling me 'young lady' when I am clearly around 60 years old will get this look. >>>

Hasn't happened yet! 😆

Yep, first they nearly kill you with some insane manoeuvre and then shout abuse at you for being in their way

I was walking with DP in some caves in France, narrow path cut in the rock with rope cord guide rails. We were walking along behind the guide and between us was a woman whose husband had stopped to look at some formation or other. He decided he had seen enough and would rejoin his wife in front of me, so he clasped my shoulder and pulled me around sideways to squeeze between me & DP.
He got the loudest TOUCHEZ PAS and DEGOUTANT shouted in his face at the top of my lungs. He absolutely blanched while DP tittered. The rest of the tour party kept a respectful distance.

Me either. Only once over the phone at work by a customer under his breath ( civil service customer). I handed him over to my northern female boss who swiftly put him back in his box as she vastly outranks him and takes zero shit. I think his was licking his wounds for a long time after the boss pointed out what an insignificant rude little twerp he was and either STFU or be banned for calling IT support again. Dick who no way on earth could have done my job, but so insistent it had to be done within minutes. Because he forgot to ask in advance.

Not me, but there's a young female busker in a northern town, that pops up on my Reels semi regularly. I've hardly heard her sing because most of her reels are of middle aged men trying to interact with her, telling her where she should and shouldn't stand, what she should and shouldn't sing, how they sing themselves, telling her their life story! I get so angry on her behalf, and she's so polite to them, not wanting to escalate the situation. I doubt male buskers have this issue. The last one I saw a man wiped something wet on her bare arm - she was grossed out and had to wash her arm.

I can't decide if that's awful or hilarious. I had a similar experience many years ago. I had a Saturday job at M&S and it was a very hot summer. This woman, bit Hyacinth Bucket, complained about the heat and I agreed. She got very indignant and said I couldn't be hot as I was being paid. I couldn't work it out.

Oh I love that!
I don't know how I would have responded if I hadn't been at work, but I will remember that in case it happens again, which, as bizarre as it sounds, wouldn't surprise me 😆

Sad thing is you made a polite response and got abuse. In future you will not be civil enough to reply and who would blame you? It is a shame we have come to this.

Was posting my post as you posted yours. It would be amazing if women could exist in swimming pools while being good swimmers and not have to put up with this shit!

I find these men can be split into two subgroups - the ones who are so much slower than you that they don’t try to race you but then have to make some sort of comment. Then there are the ones who are still quite notably slower but maybe a bit better and try to race you. I find a switch just flips in my brain then and I can’t just swim at whatever pace I was going but I have to up it (even to the point of my own discomfort) to put as much distance between me and them as possible. Possibly a bit petty but I can’t help it!

ETA: This is never men who are actually good swimmers - no issues from them whatsoever; it’s men who think they’re much better than they are, or think they should be much better than you because you’re a women, without pausing to reflect that, like, swimming is a technically difficult sport requiring skill and training.

If men call me love or young lady I try not to react or bristle in any way but I address them as 'mate'.
I feel it's a good way of taking the wind out of their sails but also not giving them anything to rail against.

@CommunistOrca I am a whistler (apologies to everyone because I gather some people find it exceptionally annoying. I genuinely don’t really realise I’m doing it. It’s like humming or making other sounds- I am a person who makes sounds 😬) My FIL always says it’s not ladylike (we have known each other nearly thirty years and he says this whenever he hears me whistle). I always laugh and say ‘I’ve never claimed to be a lady. I’m just a woman’. I’ve been saying this to him for decades and he still seems to think he’ll be able to stop me whistling by insulting my femininity 😂