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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My boyfriend trauma dumps on me

77 replies

forevergrateful1 · 04/08/2025 09:19

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 months. I love him and he’s a lovely man.

But he has a lot of unaddressed emotions, debts, insecurities etc. he’s comfortable with me so he seeks support from me which I am fine with.

However, his emotional can be so heavy. He’s got a lot he’s not addressed and they come around like vicious cycles on a constant. I believe this has damaged his confidence and self esteem. Sometimes he will believe I’m angry with him or my tone or body language is off and that it’s because of him. I may just want personal space and he will think I don’t love him. He will ask me quite frequently if me and him are ok and if I’m alright with him.

now I have learnt to be quite aware of my body language and tone now so he knows I’m fine with him. This means explaining I love him before a sentence. Smiling a bit more so he knows I’m happy or just explaining things I wouldn’t usually explain.

im not sure how to deal with this type of character. I do love him but I am not used to someone who is more needy for attention and affection.

can anyone help?

OP posts:
notnorman · 04/08/2025 17:38

I’ve been here before and it doesn’t get any better.

notnorman · 04/08/2025 17:38

CruCru · 04/08/2025 17:34

I used to go out with someone like this. The thing about such fragile / sensitive people is that they are only sensitive to themselves. Should you go through a rough period, experience a bereavement or lose your job, he will make it about himself. You will have to endlessly reassure him that your low mood isn’t to do with him.

If, the next time he kicks off about feeling insecure, you were to say “This is exhausting. Not everything is about you”, what would happen?

Hard agree!!!

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