AIBU to think I’m being shafted?

[Ambernectarine22]

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

There no way this greedy man didn’t see that he was shafting you. He knew damn well. He kept it up for as long as he could get away with it.

The discrepancy in the curry order is shocking.

What a turn off! Also either a lack of awareness or he's tight...either are not ok traits.

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship ? except being short changed…

Maybe not once, but when it’s every time and the meal and drinks are weekly or even more frequently, that’ll add up.

Give him the nickname 'Ducks Arse' and see if he picks up on the hint! 😁

Well, that isn’t fair so yes.

I would have no problems at all with telling him he pays for his extra food, you're not paying for him especially as you earn less.
Be very blunt and put your foot down. It's the only language a man like this understands.
I loathe a tight wad.

We pay 50/50 into a joint account which includes a chunk of cash for food / meals out - if I feel that he has spent a lot more then I will use the pot to cover something for me like a lunch out , if he wants beers as part of groceries I ask him to transfer the money over to reimburse.

Doesn't he treat you once in a while, just says oh i will get this?

Me and DH are in our 50s and a certain kind of chivalry does exist in our generation. When we met he offered to pay but I said no, im getting the next round and next meal. I was a student and he had started his first job.

When I earned more I would treat us, now he earns more he will me and DC. I still treat us but not as much or often. Xxx

Ultimate ick

We're yet to go out and test it in the wild, so I'll have to let you know!
Hopefully he's got it, he knows I'm not so financially stable at the moment. It seems such a weird argument to me.

Don’t be ridiculous, there is nothing ‘icky’ about a gentleman paying for his partners meal if he wishes to do so and it doesn’t mean he woman is sponging off him if they are in a loving relationship…..what is there to be embarrassed about!!!

He knows very well he is not paying his fair share….he’s tight, I couldn’t find a man like this attractive

Oh wow, I didn't think the Internet started this early. The 1950's wants it's post back!

'A gentleman'. 🤣🤣🤣 FFS!

You could arrange for the whole bill to be paid alternatively, so that one week he pays, the next you pay.

If he eats and drinks less when it is his turn to pay, then you know he is taking advantage. Psychology, but might work if you want to know why he does what he does.

Then you can eat and drink more when he is paying, which could even the score.

I’m glad you had the conversation. It’s really self centred of them to think being ‘fair’ means they get to mooch off you.

Not from the 1950 at all, I’m a highly trained professional financially independent woman who doesn’t mind a man buying me dinner occasionally, you do under that such women exist don’t you?

I don’t loose any sense of my independence or feel any lesser than a man just because I let a gentleman buy me dinner but maybe it’s because I’m confident enough in myself and a less confident /more insecure woman would, if his kind of behaviour winds you up then you have little to worry about, I suggest you busy your mind with bigger issues

Sometimes I think women like you are just jealous because no man ever wants to buy you dinner and you more than likely have never encountered gentlemen, only tight fisted broke beer swilling louts

The foul language in your comment gave you away

I wouldn't be arsed going out to dinner with him tbh

Nah he sounds like a scrooge. Just pay for what you eat and drink. Easy enough to do. Don't be scared to get into an argument about it. YABR.

Yuk, how can you even be with someone like this. I don't even do 50/50 with friends, we just take turns! Does he never treat you? Ick, just ick

He says it's just a few ££

Then why doesn’t he pay it? So ridiculous and entitled that he expects you to pay for his extras and be fine with it. Does he ever buy you extra drinks to make up for it at other times so he thinks it evens things out?

You could apply this ‘logic’ to any scenario - you agree to cook 50:50 as you both work and he doesn’t bother on his day so you have to do it - it’s just a few meals

He goes out with friends and tells you he’ll be back at a certain time to allow you to go out later with your friends - he’s late - it’s just a few hours

He sounds like a selfish arsehole.

A couple of pints is over a tenner these days

When I was dating finding someone generous was one of my criteria. Not because I wanted his money but because financial stinginess often equates with emotional stinginess. Please do look at this relationship and see if it’s worth it

It’s always the people who want every course going and several drinks who want to split 50:50!

I just don’t get this - the entitlement and lack of awareness (not giving a shit how they look). They must just be so tight fisted and keen to seize on any opportunity to save money by taking advantage of other ppl that they just don’t care. How do they rationalise it? That you’re agreeing so you don’t have a problem with it? That you inexplicably want to treat them bc you presumably have a lot more cash than they do?