AIBU to think I’m being shafted?

[Ambernectarine22]

My partner and I are in our 50s and don’t live together. I have ‘enough’ money and he has considerably more than me. We share the cost of our meals out, trips away etc 50/50 but… when we go out for a meal or go to the pub he always has more to eat/drink than me. (2 or 3 pints and a starter or a couple of side dishes, for example.) Should I speak to him about this (awkward!) or am I being mean?

But @Sharingaroomtinightthena couple of pints is £10, and every.single.time. they eat out, OP’s partner expects her to subsidise him. The traffic is never the other way round. That’s not right, and is worth quibbling over.

It’s quite insensitive of him not to appreciate that you are subbing him often when he is better off. He should either suggest he pays a bit more when he’s had more, or every few outings he should pick up the whole bill.

A couple of pints is not 10 quid where I live, it’s at least 15!

It would be nice not to have to but given the OPs partner has more money than her you’d expect he’d realise that he is consistently paying for less than he should and do something to redress the imbalance.

@RhaenysRocks Yours sounds like a keeper!

We have now had a grown up conversation about it. He said he didn’t realise and was sorry that I had been feeling unhappy about it. It’s out in the open, and you lot have me the push I needed to address the situation. Thank you!

Gave me. Not have me…

I do think he’s being cheeky here. Whenever I go out with friends, unless we’ve all had pretty much the same, those who’ve had more will immediately offer to pay for what they had and do the maths eg I need to put in £30 so you’re £20. There’s no awkwardness at all and no assumption that others will foot the bill. Sometimes I (or others) might say don’t worry, it’s just a few ££s but there’s no expectation of this. It’s easy to say it’s just a few quid when you’re not the one paying for things you didn’t have. I suspect if it was the other way around, a few ££s would suddenly become very important…

Wow! It’s about £8 here and honestly I wouldn’t care about paying an extra £4 with someone I’m sleeping with.

Does he get the taxi home OP? Or pay for anything else that might balance it up a bit? What do you drink whilst he's drinking the extra pints? Or is he just a much faster drinker?

@Sharingaroomtinightthen It’s not just the odd pint here and there (I don’t drink at all), but starters and side dishes. Recently we went for an Indian and I had a starter, a side dish, a naan and a sparkling water. He had a starter, a main, a side, rice, naan and 2 pints…

Next time you go out for a meal, calculate your part and give him the money with x for a tip. Just don't say anything or say 'that covers what I've had abd a tip'.

This is terrible and tight. My husband wouldn’t dream of me paying for anything. If he earns more he should be paying and occasionally you treating him.

I could not be with a guy who eats and drinks more and then pays only 50% of the total. However, if he has other redeeming features, next time I'd take the bill, add up what I've consumed, and pay for that amount exactly. If he asks why: 'It's just not fair, is it? You've eaten and drunk more than me.' If he complains, then you'll know what kind of guy you're dating...

Are you not embarrassed? I'd never let anyone (partner/friends/family) pay for me. It's particularly icky when it's a man you're sponging off.

I am guessing @RhaenysRocks' partner doesn't see it as 'sponging off' but wanting to treat her to something that she could not otherwise afford easily, and he enjoys doing these things with her...

I’m in a similar position to the PP- my partner also treats me a lot. He will more often than not pay for meals/drinks out. He does this because he’s absolutely determined not to be a cock lodger. We don’t live together yet but he spends approx 60% of the week at mine. I don’t want him to pay towards the household because it’s my house, not his, but he hates feeling like he’s sponging off me. For us him “treating” me redresses the balance.

No, he’s the one being mean.

Not at all. My money goes on supporting my two kids and our home. I work ft and work bloody hard. If he wants to enjoy a meal out or cinema or even holiday with me, it's on him or it mostly doesn't happen. I'm not forcing him. I'm not sponging...he's choosing to treat me. I'd be much better off if we moved in together and shared costs but I refuse to base my fundamental stability on a man. What he pays for is entirely optional extras which I could live without if needed.

Gross he’s never paid for you tbh. Call me old fashioned 🤷♀️

I dated one of these. Believe me if you are aware; he is aware. But he is just happy to keep quiet and benefit from it.

This.

But before this, order a glass or two of champagne when its his turn to pay first

He is absolutely taking the piss out of you.

Oh please please next time he says oh it’s only a few pounds, please do say “Why thank you for paying for my food, as yes mine is always so little in comparison to yours”! X

Pay your bill only. Tell him why. He's enjoying extras because he's not paying for them. I've grandchildren who do that! Extra starters, extra sides a couple of specialist lagers and I have a main and desert and one glass of lager. I've been shafted by them!