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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my almost 13yr old dd is absolutely fine.

64 replies

namechangediscount · 03/08/2025 10:21

I have recently been told my dd is behind for her age by mil. My dd is a intelligent kind and funny girl. All her teachers tell me she is great and doing very well in all her subjects at school. She plays football at lunchtime at school with her friends . She still plays with lego but mainly builds sets and displays them same with toy cars She displays in her room.
When I take her younger brothers to softplay she still enjoys going in and playing with them ( this is allowed as she is a sibling supporting younger siblings)

My niece is the same age and into makeup her phone etc She also is a smart funny girl who gets along with dd well despite being so different to eachother.

Mil thinks dd should be more like niece and dd is behind. Apparently I'm doing her no favours. All this was said after I told mil I'm taking dd to the lego store as a treat as she's being a absolute star recently

OP posts:
BarbaraVineFan · 03/08/2025 10:26

I think this is fine, lovely in fact. I’m a secondary teacher- every year, lots of the year 8s are at different stages from each other and they all just find their niche.

Manybutterflywings · 03/08/2025 10:29

Your face will tell MIL that you hear what she says and it is duly noted. What you are thinking is ‘fuck off’ my DD is fab.

AngelicInnocent · 03/08/2025 10:33

Oh good grief. Tell MIL that its 2025 and girls/women are not limited to doing nice makeup and hair so they can catch a man. They can have careers and be engineers and scientists instead of just the wife of one.

TheSandgroper · 03/08/2025 10:34

Dd was still playing with her Barbies at that age - nearly at the end and only on her own but it’s how she settled her mind at the start of each holiday. Allow her to say goodbye to her childhood at her own pace. You will be pleased you did.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/08/2025 10:36

Lots of teens lije tour daughter and lots like your niece. Both are normal.

LouisaJG · 03/08/2025 10:37

What is your MIL worried about? That she won’t be pregnant at 14? What’s the urgent looming deadline here?

If she was significantly out of step socially with her peers and was being bullied for that I can see that the bullying would be an issue, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, in fact it sounds like her peers are a lot more relaxed than MIL is. Are the friends your DD plays football with her own age?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 03/08/2025 10:38

Fuck, I'm 42 and still building Lego. Can't believe I've let myself fall so far behind my peers!

skilpadde · 03/08/2025 10:39

Are football and lego supposed to be limited by age? Or is that only for girls?

I’m in my 40s and I love building lego sets. I wish I was still up to playing football, but alas HRT is not that miraculous.

Your MIL needs to get with the times.

curious79 · 03/08/2025 10:40

The longer she stays away from make up / phones the better

MiL is ill informed

Original poster
namechangediscount · 03/08/2025 10:42

LouisaJG · 03/08/2025 10:37

What is your MIL worried about? That she won’t be pregnant at 14? What’s the urgent looming deadline here?

If she was significantly out of step socially with her peers and was being bullied for that I can see that the bullying would be an issue, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, in fact it sounds like her peers are a lot more relaxed than MIL is. Are the friends your DD plays football with her own age?

All the same age.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 03/08/2025 10:44

My daughter is almost 13 and still likes cuddly toys and isn’t fussed about makeup and is very much her own person. They have decades to be adults, I’m super happy to let her stay a child for as long as she likes.

Ozgirl76 · 03/08/2025 10:47

I have 13 and 15 year old boys. They both love Lego, playing football, going on bikes, hell they both have a load of stuffed toys, including a particular favourite each.
Yes they do have phones and love more grown up stuff like music, PS5 games etc but football and Lego are not things you can ever grow out of! My FIL has a whole loft of Lego (we call him President Business). Keep her liking what she likes, unashamed, for as long as possible.

RhaenysRocks · 03/08/2025 10:47

I teach this age group. There's a huge disparity in every secondary age group between those who are "further along" the growing up route. by Y11 we have some regularly having house parties with alcohol and some still utterly oblivious and meeting one or two friends at a trampoline park or Macdonald's. Y8-9 girls particularly are miles apart. One is not better than another.

Ozgirl76 · 03/08/2025 10:48

Actually, reading between the lines, does MIL think she’s gay?

FlyingUnicornWings · 03/08/2025 10:48

Your daughter is fine. Lego is a great hobby. Tell MIL to mind her own.

Notmyreality · 03/08/2025 10:49

Of course she’s fine.

HerewardtheSleepy · 03/08/2025 10:50

Your MIL is a half-wit.
HTH.

cestlavielife · 03/08/2025 10:50

Hope you laughed hysterically at your mil.
Dd is fine.
Smile and wave. Leave her be

WigglesMadness · 03/08/2025 10:51

I was your daughter - she sounds fantastic.

I had a more 'advanced' cousin, who got so drunk when she was 16 she had her stomach pumped, and had some truly awful boyfriends, as having any boyfriend was so important to her, and if they were a few years older, all the better.

shellyleppard · 03/08/2025 10:51

Op your mil needs to wind her neck in. Your daughter sounds absolutely lovely. I'd rather have a child that plays with Lego than one who is constantly on the phone!!

LetsGoOnHoliday · 03/08/2025 10:53

Are there any friendship issues at school or examples of other kids being unkind? Do the two girls go to the same school? Does DD have a phone?

Of course liking football and Lego are totally normal at this or any other age. There's also lots of girls who like both of those things, and make up and phones too so it doesn't have to be an either or situation. MIL could be being totally out of order but equally it could be coming from a place of concern if there's something going on you might not be seeing or something your niece has mentioned. I think I'd want to just consider if that's the case before discounting it.

sesquipedalian · 03/08/2025 10:54

@ VimesandhisCardboardBoots -
Totally agree about the Lego! I’m a grandmother, and one year, after buying innumerable Lego sets for the DGC (and my DS who has a big grown up important professional job), I got one for myself because I’ve always liked it. The OP’s daughter will be fine - tell MIL there’s no reason why cousins should be clones of each other. As teenagers, my sisters were into make-up and I most certainly wasn’t, but it didn’t stop me from going to university and getting a degree.

SinicalMe · 03/08/2025 10:59

Why do you care about what your MIL says? Is she some educated child psychologist or just some person with a backward opinion?

You know your daughter is perfectly fine why give it a second thought?

Endofyear · 03/08/2025 11:11

Ignore MIL. Your daughter is fine.

Original poster
namechangediscount · 03/08/2025 12:01

She has a phone but not overly bothered by it yet. No issues with bullying but obviously can't be sure but her teachers report she's a well liked member of the class and rubs along nicely with most.
Dd and niece are at different high schools

Funny enough she had issues with a group of girls at primary but since starting high-school that has stopped thankfully.

Mil is only in her early 50s ( She had dh young) but her attitude are similar to someone in there 90s !

OP posts:
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