To think my almost 13yr old dd is absolutely fine.

[namechangediscount]

I have recently been told my dd is behind for her age by mil. My dd is a intelligent kind and funny girl. All her teachers tell me she is great and doing very well in all her subjects at school. She plays football at lunchtime at school with her friends . She still plays with lego but mainly builds sets and displays them same with toy cars She displays in her room.
When I take her younger brothers to softplay she still enjoys going in and playing with them ( this is allowed as she is a sibling supporting younger siblings)

My niece is the same age and into makeup her phone etc She also is a smart funny girl who gets along with dd well despite being so different to eachother.

Mil thinks dd should be more like niece and dd is behind. Apparently I'm doing her no favours. All this was said after I told mil I'm taking dd to the lego store as a treat as she's being a absolute star recently

I was still secretly playing with my dolls aged 13, tbh probably quite a few of my classmates were too! Just ignore!

I'd be shutting that down and making sure MIL doesn't express it where DD could hear - or even to her aunt where cousin might hear and repeat it.

I don't understand why some posters are commenting essentially saying it's okay for your DD to be growing up more slowly - nothing you've said suggests she IS less mature than her cousin, just that she has different interests. While well intentioned, the only thing that's suggesting is that playing football and building lego are childish interests and it's okay she hasn't grown out of them yet, but 'real women' like 'makeup and phones.'

Which I'm sure the Lionesses would have something to say about! I know lots of adults that are into lego as well. Obviously this can be instead of or as well as being into makeup etc.

Even softplay - she's looking after younger dc rather than going off and playing on her own which suggests maturity, unless mothers of toddles are also childish. Even if she did enjoy playing herself, a local softplay by me does adult hours which are always busy, the local trampoline park, parkour place and skate park all do adult sessions - none of that is 'just for kids.'

Sounds like different tastes not stages.

Me too!!

And DD likes fashion, makeup (partly because she does a lot of acting and dance and uses it in shows) and uses her phone, and also loves Lego, science, rock climbing, watersports etc - I question people who think this is an "either/or" option for teens and tweens.

My DD is 14 and doing her Scouts Young Leader training... this is considered a sign of her maturity. And her "job" involves quite a lit of playing with younger children!

When I was 13/14 I was into makeup, my phone and boys and drinking/smoking in the park after dark. Things that were too mature for my age, but I also secretly still played with Barbie’s at home.
I think at that age it’s such a big spectrum of what they’re into, and most of the ones acting ‘older’ aren’t doing it solely because they want to; it’s mainly because what they think is ‘grown up’ and what they should be doing.

I’m 62 and so glad to hear there are still preteen girls like I was at that age.

We’ve supposed to have opened up the world to give young girls more opportunities, and I’ve been lucky to take advantage of some of those things that my mother or grandmother weren’t able to.

In some ways I see young girls’ outlook narrowed by societal expectations these days. Choice of toys, choice of hair length, whether or not to wear makeup shouldn’t be under pressure whether from peers or family, and that’s not just for girls, it should be for boys too.

Oh no! Your MIL had better tell Lauren Hemp that she needs to grow up because she's too old for football and lego now!

Laura Hemp, England Lioness, is a Lego builder and has a sponsorship with them so who knows where your daughters hobbies will lead her.

Snap.

Your dd sounds fab. I’m a girl guide leader (girls 10-13) and there’s a massive range at that age. Football is a very popular hobby with the girls. Those with a strong sense of who are and do what they enjoy are likely to fare well through teen years. I like Lego at my age there’s all those kits of buildings and flowers.
I’d cut off any comparison chat from MIL we are all different.

When I was still teaching, I found it really sad when one of my 11 yr olds turned up for her first day at high school (Scotland) with a face covered in make-up.

Exactly - my daughter is in her 20s and plays women's football as a hobby, she's a pediatric occupational therapist and while she doesn't play with lego in her free time, she sometimes does at work 😝 She volunteers with a special needs charity one full day a month and has taken a group to a trampoline park today and will be on the trampolines with them, because that's necessary.

She does occasionally put a little bit of makeup on for a special occasion and I've always thought she and her long term boyfriend and their friendship group are more "grown up" than I am in my 50s, in that they host each other at detective murder mystery dinners once a month, which they dress up in character for - usually in evening dress - but thinking about it this could also be seen as being very childish and role playing and playing dress up.

Anyway my daughter's female friendship group is really enduring and supportive and mostly grew from girls' and women's club football. All the women have plenty going on in their lives - careers or still studying and a couple have husbands and small children already.

I don't think they're behind their peers...

I was like your dd and considered 'young' for my age as a teen. I wasn't into make-up but preferred reading, collecting seashells, writing stories etc. I was compared to my (very lovely) cousin of the same age who had dates and was very trendy. There wasn't anything wrong with me and I grew up fine (good job, family, lots of friends).

Your DD sounds wonderful OP…and as other posters have pointed out, it’s 2025! Women and girls are stronger than ever, so no longer need to be ‘into’ make-up and fashion in order to feel validated. DDs Lego building could be the first step into an amazing career in engineering. Or it could just be a hobby. Who cares? She’s doing great 👍🏻

Tell your MIL to look at the bigger picture here (whilst saying FUCK OFF in your head 👌🏻)

My eldest is starting year 8 now and is still very much into Lego, sylvanian families, and playing imagine games with her sister. She does have access to makeup, but rarely uses it.

your DD sounds like she’s just fine.

I’m currently pregnant with a girl, and I hope when she’s 13 she will be like your daughter! They’re still children at 13, so she should want to play with Lego and go into soft play!!

Our 22 year old buys and builds Lego . Your MIL is a bit odd.

Mine is 11 and going I to year 7.

She wears t shirts and joggers.

Isn't interested in makeup or her looks at the moment.
Likes soft toys. And trinkets.

Always interested in doing experiments and likes reading.
Busy active and does a few sports.

Went to intro evening for her new High School and some of the new starters girls were all made up, hair styles. Crop tops etc. And looked a lot older.

Was a bit shocked how some of them looked so mature. But I think they all get there in their own time.

I’ve always said I think the maturer children are the ones with self esteem who are comfortable with themselves. Following their own likes and getting in with life.

I see nothing mature about changing your looks, being on a phone all the time or drinking alcohol (although you haven’t said niece does this an ex friend told me how much maturer her 13yo dd was compared to my 13yo ds because she hosted parties with alcohol 🧐).

People like wearing make up and should do it for them. But 6in thick foundation and slug eyebrows don’t indicate maturity 😉

I’d just look at MIL and smile massively and say “oh I know niece hasn’t yet found her inner self confidence like DD but she’ll get there soon - some girls just don’t mature as quickly as other - but niece will get there”

It’s a lovely age where kids can be kids and also sometimes seem to be growing up fast. I think people really overestimate how grown up they are at this age if anything and they should be left to play as long as possible. Make up and hair is ‘playing’ anyway, even for adults! If adults do colouring books, make models, have hobbies and do sports and activities then kids definitely can!

“On the subject of what is age appropriate. Isn’t it time you toddled off to a retirement village?”

MIL should take a look at the Lego website so she will see that there are plenty of sets for adults. I'm 33 and am thinking about getting a set so I have something to do that doesn't involve screens. I read books on my Kindle but I use my phone too much.

Oh dear - My mother was like that too - she thought after age 12 I would drop 'silly' interests in animals and science fiction and start doing my hair and make up like a 'normal' girl . That was a long time ago though and this is a very old fashioned attitude for 2025 ! Adults do lego too so I think it's the non girly (in her mind) aspect that she doesn't like - would she really think a 13 year old boy should not go to the Lego shop ! I am really amazed these attitudes are still with us !!

Your daughter sounds fab. Maybe she’ll be an engineer or an architect one day.

I like this but at the same time I think we shouldn’t just assume that niece isn’t following her ‘true’ interests as well, or that she doesn’t have self-esteem or self-confidence. The fact that she gets on well with OP’s DD does very much indicate maturity to me, she sounds like a nice girl. If she was being all mean girls cliquey about someone with different interests then yeah, sure, I’d say immature.