Why doesn’t my partner care?

[30Days1]

Fed up and miserable.

I had an ERCP yesterday, told him I didn’t wanna go on my own. This is following on several incidents of a blocked bike duct that have had me yellow and sat in A&E completely alone for hours at a time.
He went out drinking straight from work on Friday night and didn’t even come back til 11am. Slept til 7pm and went back to bed at 9pm and is still asleep, hasn’t even asked me if I’m okay or apologised. Nothing.

His friend text him saying he’d had a car accident on New Years Day and he rushed to the local hospital to sit with him for 6 hours. Yet he didn’t even offer to get me a taxi yesterday. I had to get the fucking bus absolutely groggy and ill off the sedative.

This has been going on for years, I pay all the bills, he doesn’t do anything for me, puts me right at the bottom of his priorities, talks to me like shit etc.

He’s been brought up by selfish people so is it genetic. Is it abuse. I don’t know. My head’s absolutely a mess. We’ve been together 8 years. All of my 20’s.
AIBU to think he’s out of order.

Partner, not husband, so you won't have a messy divorce to deal with.

Spend today packing up his stuff into bin bags while picturing how much better your life will be when he's gone.

Hope you feel better soon.

I think you've asked the wrong question. Why do you have a partner who doesn't care? Don't you deserve better, I'm sure you do.

Treat yourself and make plans to separate. And yes I hope you feel better soon.

In answer to your original question - because he doesn't need to. Nothing to do with his genes. He can carry on doing exactly as he likes knowing you will carry on doing everything for him and expecting nothing in return. Come on OP - you know what you have to do.

It can't be genetic because he managed to care about his friend. He's choosing not to care about you.

You pay all the bills, so, you know what? You know you can afford to live without him (plus the council tax saving). You’re in a really good situation.

Call a locksmith and change the locks, change all your passwords and fill the bin bags.

Not to minimise your current health but it will improve without a pile of shit stinking up the house.

he sounds like a cocklodger. Not coming back until 11am is also very sus. What does he bring to your life? Ltb

So break up with him, he brings nothing to your life and has repeatedly shown you that, believe it.

You pay the bills, probably do 99% of the housework and this twat can't even show up for you when you're unwell enough to have to go to A&E!! Just no!!

Do you really want to spend another day like this??
Can you imagine having a baby with this guy? You're in labour but his friend needs something so you're alone, again!!

Please for the love of god, have a read of all the 100s of threads on here where women are stuck with a baby and useless feck of a partner/husband and completely stuck!!!

Do not do that to yourself. Get yourself better first, ignore him for now.

But when youre better, get things (him) moving! Is he on your rental agreement or is it just you? Can you move him out, change the locks easily enough? Dont worry about where he goes, its not your problem considering he find somewhere to stay on a friday night.

Please listen to all the advice saying you can do better, because you really can!

It’s not genetic. He chooses to treat you this way.

But you are also choosing to let him.

If you aren’t married and you aren't financially dependent on him then deciding to make a different choice should be straightforward.

You say you have wasted 8 years, where would you like to be in another 8?

Because he won’t change so you will have to.

He’s there because he has a roof over his head which you’re paying for. Pack his bags and change the locks you’re being used.

You’re young op. You still have your whole life ahead. You pay all the bills so you dont need him. Ask him to move out. Tell him to be gone by the next weekend.

Just re-read your own post, OP.

If you are a sane person, you kick him out TODAY.

He doesn’t love you, sorry to be so blunt but he just doesn’t. You should break up with him, better alone than with someone who makes you feel so unhappy. He will promise to change if he believes you will actually go, he won’t though. You are supporting him financially. Just remember women get with men becuse they want to men get with women becuse they can. Many a man has zero feelings for their partners they are a convenience to them.

It is emotional abuse, I volunteered for a DV charity years ago, we had some training though I was a fundraiser. Get out now while you are young and do not get pregnant,

I think the question you should be asking yourself is why do you have such little self respect. Dump him and be happy.

Jesus H Christ op! What are you thinking??? He is absolutely ripping the piss out of you. One sure fire way to tell how someone feels about you is how they react when you are ill or sad. He doesn’t give a fuck about you I’m afraid and is using you as his maid/bank account booster. That’s no reflection on you op, you deserve a lot better and are worth so much more. You will find your health improves a lot when he’s gone and this trauma bond is broken. You’ll look back and wonder what you were thinking. Feel better soon

This has been going on for years, I pay all the bills, he doesn’t do anything for me, puts me right at the bottom of his priorities, talks to me like shit etc.

You continue to stay with him and make his life easier despite the fact that he is a horrible human. It’s not genetic (he worries and cares about his mate) and you were naive to think that he’d have a personality transplant and change his ways when you needed him. Don’t waste any more time on him and definitely do not have children with his man or marry him because it will makes things even worse. You deserve so much better but sadly can’t see it.

His genetic selfishness did not stop him rushing to his Friends hospital bedside, did it? 🤔

This. You know what he's like, but you're choosing to stay in a relationship with him. Why?

Why don't you care enough that he doesn't care and throw the fucker out? Are you that desperate not to be single op?

Who does the house belong to/rented to?

What a waste of your life.
So sad that you think this loser is all you deserve.
Far, far better to be alone than with such a complete waste of space.
You are being used.

Well, this is your choice now

Put up with it or use this to motivate you to move on

Take control... good luck

It’s a you problem. You have no boundaries and no respect for yourself.
Leave him and maybe consider counselling to try and understand why this has gone on for so long.

Does he have any good points? He sounds like a waste of space. It doesn’t matter why he doesn’t care, he just doesn’t and that isn’t going to magically change. Life is much easier when you can care fully about yourself instead of being constantly disappointed by someone else. Plus, when you don’t have the stress of being in a miserable relationship you will be able to focus on your health

The question you should be asking is why you are continuing to tolerate this behaviour?

He's made it abundantly clear from his behaviour that he doesn't give a shit about you and he adds nothing to your life, either financially or emotionally. There is literally no point to him whatsoever. Why is your self-esteem so low that you think this is all you deserve? What did you learn about relationships growing up which made you believe this is what you deserved?

You know already you need to leave him. If you need permission, it's freely given here. Give yourself that gift and leave him. I guarantee you your life will improve.

He doesn’t like you. You don’t treat people you like in this way.

You need to stop worrying about how long it’s been and worry how long it will be if you don’t leave him.