Why doesn’t my partner care?

[30Days1]

Fed up and miserable.

I had an ERCP yesterday, told him I didn’t wanna go on my own. This is following on several incidents of a blocked bike duct that have had me yellow and sat in A&E completely alone for hours at a time.
He went out drinking straight from work on Friday night and didn’t even come back til 11am. Slept til 7pm and went back to bed at 9pm and is still asleep, hasn’t even asked me if I’m okay or apologised. Nothing.

His friend text him saying he’d had a car accident on New Years Day and he rushed to the local hospital to sit with him for 6 hours. Yet he didn’t even offer to get me a taxi yesterday. I had to get the fucking bus absolutely groggy and ill off the sedative.

This has been going on for years, I pay all the bills, he doesn’t do anything for me, puts me right at the bottom of his priorities, talks to me like shit etc.

He’s been brought up by selfish people so is it genetic. Is it abuse. I don’t know. My head’s absolutely a mess. We’ve been together 8 years. All of my 20’s.
AIBU to think he’s out of order.

Aren't you sick of his shit by now?

Totally selfish. I’ve had 10 ERCP’s (pancreas issue) and I have had 5 acute pancreatitis attacks in the 24hrs after, a side effect. He doesn’t care OP, time for getting your ducks in a row.

He doesn’t love you OP. He’s had all doesn’t even like you. And you can’t possibly like him after all this.
He’s had all of your 20s, don’t give him a minute more of your life.

Before you meet anyone else I think you need to do some reading up on expressing yourself in relationships and asking for what you need. It doesn’t sound like that is happening - maybe you once did but soon learned he ignored your needs so stopped asking? You’re definitely not the only person to have had a meathead take advantage of you. But you need to stop that now. He isn’t bringing anything positive to your life He doesn’t care about you. Tell him you want him gone with a deadline of this minute.

I’ve been sick of his shit for a long time.
My self esteem’s in the toilet, I don’t know what a decent partner is like. I can’t imagine the feeling of being with someone who worries about you when you’re poorly, or even wants to take you out somewhere nice for tea.

I don’t want any relationship. I just want to date myself.

I do ask. He lets me down. This is the final straw now.

Good.

You are the fool that’s putting up with it. The biggest question you need to ask yourself is what is wrong with you for accepting this. He treats you like shit, and you are paying him to do it too.
take some responsibility and accountability for your own decisions.

you can’t complain about something that you accept and tolerate.

You need to look at yourself but the reason he treats you like that is because you let him. You need to be single and concentrate on yourself, you won't meet a decent guy until you have healed yourself and you can absolutely do that.

Simple, short answer… because he’s a complete prick!?

There are far better men out there.

Sorry OP but tough love says @hmmimnotsurewhy is correct.

Don’t focus on the things you can’t change but what you can. Your Q about your DP is irrelevant. The only Q worthy of your time at this stage is what do I need to do to get this man out of my life and start becoming a stronger and more assertive version of myself. ♥️

Your life would be so much better without him. You say this is the final straw, are you sure? Because plenty of women say this then do nothing.
If it really is and you pay the bills and it’s your property, spend today like PP’s say packing up his stuff. If you’re well enough that is.
Be decisive. You’ll thank yourself once you’re out of this ridiculous situation with an uncaring sponging man child.

There's honestly no point asking why as you'll never know. Stop wondering why and make a decision to leave him.

Going on for years, you might ask why you have tolerated it. I wouldn't waste any more energy on it though, instead invest it in your future happiness without him.

He’s shown you who he is, believe him.

He has no respect for you and you’re not a priority for him.

How much longer are you going to accept him treating you like this?

What advice would you give your best friend?

Take a few days to get stronger, make a plan and then do it. You clearly don't need whatever he is bringing to this relationship.

What’s your housing situation @30Days1? Do you own or rent together?

Dating yourself for a while is definitely the way forward. Chuck the man in the bin and choose yourself.

I’ve tolerated it because he’ll be vile and selfish then apologetic. And I always thought he’d grow up and change.
It’s like a push and pull and when he’s nice I forget the bad bits.

It feels different now. I don’t care anymore, I’m just wanting better for me.

I rent. I’m the sole tenant. He’s not on the tenancy because his credit rating is shit and we’d have needed a guarantor.

I suppose due to my health, going from a size 18 to a size 10 has boosted my self esteem in turn. I don’t need to be with him.

I want to leave, join the gym and have a spa day. Go out shopping and take myself for lunch.

I want to love me as much as I wish for a person to.

YANBU op, but I think you know that. Find the strength and kick him out, he’d had his last chance, no excuses - you can do it!

You deserve all of this.

Make it happen.

@30Days1 do it! Get rid. Honestly, it might be difficult initially but you will feel so much better without him hanging around and taking advantage of you!

@30Days1 Yes he is out of order, of course!!! you are also out of order though, for putting up with this shit!! get rid of him!!

You sound like a nice person, if a little bit of a doormat, I'm sorry to say.
Kick him out. He is not your responsibility. What's worse, he doesn't even improve your life in any way. He is a drain on your emotions. Free yourself and you will be surprised by how much happier you are. 💐

So the house is in your name and you already pay all of the bills...kick him the fuck out and never look back. Your life is too precious to waste on this piece of shit

He's a selfish useless twat and well out of order. You deserve so much better so do yourself a favour and dump him.