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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum could have done something a bit more effective?

101 replies

Canonlythinkofthisone · 02/08/2025 18:50

It's not very exciting but I'm just a bit perplexed by events of today.

Took DD to an adventure type playground thing. There was a slide. Long story short at one point, a child held the slide hostage by sticking himself half up and half down, refusing to move, meaning no other children could use the slide.

No big deal right, loads of other stuff to play on. However, I'm a people watcher and so I watched this unfold.

Mum, looking a bit harassed, repeated approx 30 times, come on joey. Off you get. That's it. For 15 solid mins she stood at the bottom of the slide repeating that, quietly.

Kids were queuing up to use the slide. If it had been mine DD. A couple of nice asks, a stern get down, and if still no budging. I'd have just gone to remove her.

Eventually a bigger child approx 8yo (the one in question was about 3/4) took matters into his own hands and barreled down the slide taking out the 4 year old.

There were then loads of tears and tantrums and the mum of the 4yo was having a right go at the dad of the 8yo.

But AIBU to think the mum should have/could have just removed the problem from the slide? 15 minutes when toddlers/young children are involved is a long time, and I was just a bit baffled by her complete ineffectiveness. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
youreactinglikeafunmum · 02/08/2025 18:55

Parenting is stressful tbh so I can understand her being anxious about telling him off

But yanbu, she should've pulled him off - maybe he would fight back or it was hard to?

Cant really be too pissed at the 8yo, her son was in the wrong

Bluevelvetsofa · 02/08/2025 18:57

I don’t think YABU. Young children need to learn turn taking and their parents need to teach them. If they aren’t hearing a quiet tone, it has to be firmer and if they still don’t co-operate, they need to be removed calmly.

That child has learned that he can please himself and that his mother won’t challenge him.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 02/08/2025 19:08

I hope the 8 year old didn’t get into trouble. The 4 year old learned the hard way that he needs to move! The mum isn’t doing her 4 year old any favours by being such a drip. What did she expect was going to happen? Obviously don’t want any child to get hurt but the 4 year old got what was coming to him.

TommyKnocker · 02/08/2025 19:11

I would have given him a couple of verbal directions and then lifted him off the slide. Some people just parent differently though. I was once at the park with a friend with her 4 and a 2yo. When it was time to go she kept asking the 2yo to get in her pushchair, toddler just ignored her and she spent about 15mins following her round asking nicely, I had to leave at that point as I was itching to pick her up and plonk her in the pushchair which I didn't think my friend would appreciate. I don't actually know how long it took her to get her out...or how she ever gets anywhere. She's lovely but I just couldn't be held to ransom like that.

KassandraOfSparta · 02/08/2025 19:18

I cannot be doing with this style of "parenting". In fact, it's not parenting at all, it's just saying things in a tone which the child just totally ignores. Wanging on about choices and feelings, and negotiating with the child.

If it had been mine, I would have told them to get off probably twice, then said something along the lines of: Joey come down RIGHT NOW because I have to come up there to get you, we're going STRAIGHT HOME.

PerfectTuesday · 02/08/2025 19:23

Eventually a bigger child approx 8yo (the one in question was about 3/4) took matters into his own hands and barreled down the slide taking out the 4 year old.

😂

Assssofspades · 02/08/2025 19:27

Similar to a situation I was in recently, my two year old DD was at a play cafe and was play feeding food to the doll in her arms, bigger kid came up to her and forced the doll off her, cue lots of tears from my DD.

Mother of the child then spent about two minutes saying 'come on, give it back to the little girl, oh go on, plleassee', and so on, my DD had now started playing with something else and I was only still watching as I was amazed. Eventually she said 'sorry, I just don't know what to do', I just rolled my eyes.

TidyDancer · 02/08/2025 19:27

This kind of thing really annoys me. The 8 year old effectively did the parenting for her.

Cakeandusername · 02/08/2025 19:36

Very much agree that this wet lettuce approach isn’t parenting.
I hope Dad of 8 yr old told her how ridiculous she was being.
Very natural consequence if you sit on middle of slide another child will bump into you.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 02/08/2025 19:38

Assssofspades · 02/08/2025 19:27

Similar to a situation I was in recently, my two year old DD was at a play cafe and was play feeding food to the doll in her arms, bigger kid came up to her and forced the doll off her, cue lots of tears from my DD.

Mother of the child then spent about two minutes saying 'come on, give it back to the little girl, oh go on, plleassee', and so on, my DD had now started playing with something else and I was only still watching as I was amazed. Eventually she said 'sorry, I just don't know what to do', I just rolled my eyes.

I’d have taken the doll off the child. If the mother isn’t going to do it, someone has to!

Original poster
Canonlythinkofthisone · 02/08/2025 19:42

I'm glad I'm not BU. I try my best not to judge other parents as we're all fighting the same battle, but it was just the sheer length of time this went on for, woman either had the patience of a saint or was utterly drippy 🤣🤣
From where I was sat the dad did not tell off the bigger child, and gave a short response to the woman, although I couldn't hear it.
I imagine it was along the lines of, well you should have moved him.

OP posts:
Jochef · 02/08/2025 19:42

As a cafe owner some of the parenting we see baffles me.
To give you context I’m 56, my parents weren’t strict, but we were taught right and wrong and manners

Some of things we see on a daily basis makes me fear for the adults of the future.

We get all styles of parenting….. the ineffectual, the screen swiper, the present but not present father, the ignorer, the angry mum, the angry dad….

We would have been hiked off the slide and taken home.

I would have hiked my child off the slide and taken him/her home.

How else do children learn that behaviours have consequences?

ReligiousEel · 02/08/2025 19:45

I think she should’ve pulled him off or told him remove himself more assertively, but I also think you should cut her some slack. We all have days when we’re at the end of our rope.

Original poster
Canonlythinkofthisone · 02/08/2025 19:46

TommyKnocker · 02/08/2025 19:11

I would have given him a couple of verbal directions and then lifted him off the slide. Some people just parent differently though. I was once at the park with a friend with her 4 and a 2yo. When it was time to go she kept asking the 2yo to get in her pushchair, toddler just ignored her and she spent about 15mins following her round asking nicely, I had to leave at that point as I was itching to pick her up and plonk her in the pushchair which I didn't think my friend would appreciate. I don't actually know how long it took her to get her out...or how she ever gets anywhere. She's lovely but I just couldn't be held to ransom like that.

I did feel like just popping him off the slide myself just to speed the process up 🤣 it was not a huge slide, easily could have physically removed him.

OP posts:
Cakeandusername · 02/08/2025 19:49

It does them no favours when they start school or activities. Some children have never been told what to do and expected to do it immediately.

AnSolas · 02/08/2025 19:52

There were then loads of tears and tantrums and the mum of the 4yo was having a right go at the dad of the 8yo.

🚩

Poor school teachers 😬

Mum can be bossy when its not her child.🤨

She is going to wonder why no child wants play date with hers

Icecreamandcoffee · 02/08/2025 19:53

Well, wet lettuce mum hopefully learnt a lesson. Move your child or else Lord of the Flies happens and other children will move your child for you. I'm amazed no child moved them for so long. Round us you get 2 minutes faffing about holding the slide up and then someone will shove you off.

Takeoutyourhen · 02/08/2025 19:55

Good grief! This ineffectual parenting is bloody annoying. They have certainly learnt some natural consequences but mummy getting upset about it (caused in part by her own ineptitude) didn’t help. The kid will end up learning that they will get their own way or mummy will make sure it does.
What on earth goes through their minds??

Overtheway · 02/08/2025 19:55

That would infuriate me, you have to consider other children when you're parenting in public regardless of your parenting style (I find telling my DC that the next child is coming down after I count to 5 regardless of whether they are still there speeds things up... and if they don't move, getting crashed into is a it's a pretty good natural consequence!).

usedtobeaylis · 02/08/2025 19:56

I think the bigger kid dealing with it is pretty much the way it should be dealt with. Kids can work things out for themselves.

Florencelatsy · 02/08/2025 19:57

This would do my head in, this whole "gental parenting" is just a disguise for parents letting their kids do what they want.
I'm quite easy going but if my child misbehaves, just a stern word and look can get them to change their tune. I don't shout I think its just the whole they know I'm disappointed in them that makes them upset. I would of said get off twice, then pulled them off and explained they were ruining it for others. Bloody ridiculous how will these kids cope in a job when they're older?!

Ahwig · 02/08/2025 19:59

my friend and I took our 4 year olds to McDonald as a treat. As we got in, my son asked if he should get a booster seat, I said yes and off he went to get one. My friend said “ will he sit in that all the time” “ Err yes, “ I replied. “ oh “ she said “ my son likes to wonder around and sometimes he likes to nick other people’s chips” I was gobsmacked, I said “ well as far as my son is concerned, going to McDonalds is a treat , and if he misbehaved, we wouldn’t be going back again” She seemed a bit surprised at my words. I have to be honest we never went with her again

neilyoungismyhero · 02/08/2025 19:59

PerfectTuesday · 02/08/2025 19:23

Eventually a bigger child approx 8yo (the one in question was about 3/4) took matters into his own hands and barreled down the slide taking out the 4 year old.

😂

Made me giggle far too much...

Mumofsoontobe3 · 02/08/2025 20:05

I could not be bothered with trying to coax my child down the slide if they were behaving like that. 3 minor warnings and on the 3rd I'd have marched up and got them myself. No 15 minute waiting about, it would've been a 3/4 minute exchange and they would've been immediately removed from that area as a consequence, going back when they had settled down. Fair enough the 8 year old shouldn't have done that but that's up to their parent to deal with. A quick word would've been efficient. No wonder the 8 year old lost his patience though!

ICareNothingForYourCameras · 02/08/2025 20:07

Children need to learn that they can't control other people's reactions to their bad behaviour, and that those reactions might be different to their parents' and could upset or hurt them. So they shouldn't misbehave in the first place. You hog the slide, eventually a bigger kid will push you off it. You run around in a shop knocking into other customers, one of them will shout at you whereas your parents would calmly (ineffectually) tell you to stop.