To think this mum could have done something a bit more effective?

[Canonlythinkofthisone]

It's not very exciting but I'm just a bit perplexed by events of today.

Took DD to an adventure type playground thing. There was a slide. Long story short at one point, a child held the slide hostage by sticking himself half up and half down, refusing to move, meaning no other children could use the slide.

No big deal right, loads of other stuff to play on. However, I'm a people watcher and so I watched this unfold.

Mum, looking a bit harassed, repeated approx 30 times, come on joey. Off you get. That's it. For 15 solid mins she stood at the bottom of the slide repeating that, quietly.

Kids were queuing up to use the slide. If it had been mine DD. A couple of nice asks, a stern get down, and if still no budging. I'd have just gone to remove her.

Eventually a bigger child approx 8yo (the one in question was about 3/4) took matters into his own hands and barreled down the slide taking out the 4 year old.

There were then loads of tears and tantrums and the mum of the 4yo was having a right go at the dad of the 8yo.

But AIBU to think the mum should have/could have just removed the problem from the slide? 15 minutes when toddlers/young children are involved is a long time, and I was just a bit baffled by her complete ineffectiveness. Or AIBU?

We have a local pool that is privately run. Since Covid you book lanes for half an hour slots then you have to get out for the next person, Painful watching the wet parents unable to enforce the get out bit. What has happened to parental authority?

I would have just removed my child if it was my DD doing that 🤷‍♀️

I recently witnessed a mum at centreparcs handle a similar situation terribly that made me and DH cringe. Her DD was stuck on the slide and in tears because she was scared blah blah, the mum kept screaming profanities at her, telling her to grow up and get down, stop being such a scared little girl, etc etc. The girl wasn't refusing to move because she was being naughty but because she was scared ffs!

if that had been my kid, I'd have probably told one of the others just to go down anyway, certainly wouldn't have berated the other parent!

Its difficult. You don't feel you can physically intervene without touching the kid.

However some dominating, cocky 7 year old shites from the class above at school kept pushing in front of my daughter at the park, so i simply put myself in their way to block them and said briskly and loudly "NO. You've pushed in twice now, you'll need to wait your turn!" They looked stunned at being stopped but it worked.

Generally speaking I will intervene verbally and have many times. I don't give a damn that it's your kid, if they are treating mine badly or behaving like a wee shite I'm gonna tell a little fucker off properly.

My kid knows if they are stuck at the top of a slide waiting to go down while a kid is blocking it they should say “excuse me please” and if the blocker doesn’t move say it once more (louder) and if still no movement it’s fair game to go down - even if they clean them out. My kid also knows that if they’re the blocker they’ll get no sympathy from me when they get cleaned out by someone else sliding down. Love a good natural consequence teaching moment 😂

This ineffectual 'gentle' parenting is one of the reasons teachers where I am are striking (not UK). The behaviour in my DD's class is appalling and there's no consequences. Students have zero respect in class and the way they speak to their parents at pickup is horrific. I've watched one teacher try to get kids out of a tree & they just laugh at her. Same teacher had a right go at me last week for not using the pedestrian crossing (no one does as it's miles away), so it's not that she's timid! It's why we've bypassed the local high school for a small private one where this behaviour isn't tolerated. DS has already gotten into trouble twice for being lazy in class & teacher has put consequences in place (if it's not done in class it gets emailed to me for him to do at home). Needless to say, it hasn't happened yet. He's doing the work.

I've also had to step in at the park. The worst was to get DD on the flying fox,. Some kids were ignoring the others waiting & handing the rope to one another directly etc. Parents sitting around ignoring them. I had to say very loudly & firmly that there are other kids waiting their turn so let them in or I'd manage the queue myself. Suddenly they were all making space and offering up the flying fox to DD. They knew they were doing the wrong thing, but had no consequences. Parents heard but didn't intervene because that meant effort. I had to stand there & eyeball them to keep them honest. I wouldn't have had any issues, though, if the parents had a go at me, saying that if they parented their kids, I wouldn't have to do it for them. I'm done with poor behaviour.

Back when I was growing up and we all ran around the neighbourhood, kids doing that stuff were sorted out pretty quick by the others. And they didn't have any patience if you cried either.

I have told my children to just go down when other kids do this. If their parents have an issue with it they should have removed the child.

I recently told a bunch of kids to go down the slide as it would knock the other kid off, he suddenly moved. No idea where the parents where, I don’t care I asked him to moved, just the once he didn’t so I told the other kids to go for it.

If that had been any of my DCs they’d be removed from the park. I have no problem them running up slides and sitting half way down if no one else is waiting but when there are other kids they play nicely, it’s just basic good manners which is sadly lacking in many children.

The wet parents are not doing their kids any favours as others in the world will not be so pandering especially other children as this kid found out.

There are a lot of bad parents around and it sounds like you found one. So no, of course you aren't unreasonable in thinking that she could have done more than basically nothing.

Good on the 8yo for charging the little shit out of the way. It wasn't fair for the 4yo to ruin everyone else's time like that and that's some great social justice served in the beautiful way that only children can get away with doing.

And some parents fight school for years because their child needs special treatments that mean they never learn to cope.

I was away in the uk at a holiday park last week. One child of about 7 was having a tantrum by the swimming pool for well over 15 minutes and the dad did absolutely nothing. Just stood and stared at him. No action at all. No words spoken at all. Just left his clearly over-stimulated and very upset (pool was very hectic) SEN child screaming and screaming because he couldn't cope with the environment.

Jesus. What is wrong with these people who cannot give their children clear boundaries? That is what small children need - it must be so stressful on the young children having to make all the decisions they are too young to make, because their parents are too lazy to teach them how to act in different scenarios. I am quite strict, and will immediately tell my children how I expect them to behave when they do something antisocial. I mean, how can they know how to navigate social scenarios unless they are clearly and firmly instructed? We can discuss the whys and how's afterwards, but they know what is expected of them and feel secure knowing the "rules of the game" as it were.

😂 sounds like it was worth waiting for

I met a mum at baby group who was a bit like this. I had to cool the friendship after we met up at the park once and she allowed her dc, I’ll call him Joe, to snatch my dc’s scooter off him while he was using it!!. They are at school now and my dc frequently comes home saying how naughty Joe is. Le sigh

These are the sorts of people skills that children used to learn by playing together for hours without adults policing them. If you try and hog the slide, some older kid will barrel you out of the way. These days parents or teachers or carers are present all the time and the children don't get to learn that life mainly operates through cause and effect.

I’ve encountered people like this at Center Parcs several times!!

What happened to the days when parents actually parented instead of this gentle parenting nonsense. She should have hauled him off when he was being a nuisance. Well good the 8yo sorted him out then. Hope he learned a good lesson

I manage a team at work. Where there are now some v v v fresh out of uni juniors. You can tell exactly those who have had the gentle parenting approach. I have so far had 1. My mum said I don't have to do it this way 2. I don't want to - when they are told you will do x y z now please. The look on their faces when you explain that at work the bits of the job they don't fancy aren't really optional is astounding. The job also leads to an extremely competitive training program where they can qualify in their field. They also believe that just by turning up they will be accepted straight onto the program as well.

Anybody who is anxious at telling their children off is completely unqualified to be a parent. Completely.

The stubborn child was 4!! I’d be more understanding if they were 2.

That mum wasn’t helping her child. They need to learn to take other people’s needs into account.

That’s ridiculous of you at the park tbh. You say that gentle parenting is ineffective, but overbearing parenting is too. They need to work things out themselves. The park is a really good place to do that.

Oooh look some natural consequences lol. Let’s hope he’s learned his lesson and so has his ridiculous mum!

I’m sorry but the way I’d have LAUGHED 🤣🤣🤣

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, little f’er wont do that again in a hurry!

Now I would have had anxiety about climbing up the slide after them, falling and making a complete tit out of myself but I'm pretty confident my threats toward my 4 year old would have been sufficient to have her sliding down faster than a rat in a drainpipe

I ALWAYS carry my threats out, even to my own detriment like the time I physically removed the tv from the playroom for a week

Those are the worst kinds of parents. Glad the 8 year old took matters into his own hands.