To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

You would do the opposite if someone asked?! Wow coming from another SEN parent too. Take your bitterness some where else!!

Goodness me. Absolutely gross. Are you proud of that or something?

This is a really good call actually, thank you. He's in an ASN school and I'll definitely put it on his target for next year. They have similar issues with him re control of the whiteboard so I will check what strategies they use.

Yabu!! He’s seeking out his own problems.

He absolutely is!!!! There is NO need for this trauma every day and I have tried to explain this to him till I am blue in the face!!!!

I don't think you're unreasonable to ask and if I was your neighbour I certainly would but I think you need a plan B solution for if she says no, and possibly make that plan A instead.

I have a high needs autistic 6 year old and he would be the same. It's cost us a fortune in premium subscriptions to avoid adverts at home.

I'm grateful I grew up with adverts though as an autistic child because that helped me build a routine of going to the toilet, grabbing a drink and settling back down which could help your son, but it's not easy to work on when it hasn't been his norm.

Yes, something on the outside of the window. Sorry OP but this is a You problem, not a Them problem.

Have they done any attention autism sessions with him? They focus on helping autistic children to follow adult led tasks, but also to wait their turn, and it's done in stages based on capability.

Music interaction or jump around therapy also has really helped my son with waiting, taking turns and transition periods but it was a battle to get them to agree to this, and the speech and language therapist basically had to get them to write it into his EHCP, but it has been in place for a year and has been really helpful. It's shown him that there will be continuity, eventually, and that it isn't a crisis when you have to wait a few minutes.

I think you've nailed it, I need to get to the root of this issue with adverts as that's what the problem is, as he just isn't used to them whereas we (I am also ND) grew up with them.
The neighbour has grandchildren that she looks after so if he sees her TV during the day it's normally Baby TV or something advert free and there's no issue!

If you asked her just for a week or two, id imagine she'd be more willing.

If there was the expectation to close curtains every night at 8pm indefinitely, I certainly couldn't promise that to a neighbour. Not because I don't want to help but because life is hectic and I just couldn't guarantee it'd happen every night. But for a week or two just to break the routine I would certainly do my best to help.

Could you possibly PM me with further details of this? He has sensory integration therapy and SALT but apart from his speech idc say his main issuescare his absolute refusal to engage with adult-led activities and sudden transitions.

Yes absolutely of course.

I think when it's dark at 8pm that's completely fine, but during summer I wouldn't want to shut the blinds at 8pm.
What is he interested in? Can you start making that half hour some 1-1 time before bed where you set up toy cars for him to roll down something or get out some sensory toys which are special before bed ones, or rock him whilst listening to an audiobook? I'm assuming he's too young to sit listening to you reading but sitting on your lap swaying or rocking him may help him settle before bed if he's sensory seeking.

I would also try to remove TV earlier in the day, our autistic child doesn't handle screens well and struggles with wanting them back for a while after, we now only allow TV on Sundays as it just wasn't worth the after effects of allowing it regularly, if your son is the same then removing them at eg 2pm rather than close to bedtime should hopefully reduce him looking for screens by 8pm.

So. My flat is boiling hot because it’s both east and west facing and gets the full glare of the sun in my living room until sunset. Or, until the sun drops behind one of the massive buildings opposite. So I have to keep my blinds closed all day in summer. Come 8ish pm (now; it was 8.45-9pm June/july) I can at last open my blinds and windows and get some air in.

If someone asked me to keep them closed just at the point I’m able to open the fuckers? I’d obviously seem massively unreasonable according to some on th8s thread. Not only unreasonable but a cunt, too.

I live in the village too.

You can't ask this, I'm sorry. It's hard for you of course but it isn't up to your neighbour to cater to your child's individual needs. YAB hugely U.

well, I need driving glasses but without them I can clearly see the TV's of neighbours across the road. I haven't paid any attention to them, so I don't know if I can see what they're watching or not, but I'd definitely be able to see their screen changing to adverts.

This. I'm sorry but to even think of asking someone this is mental

Can you not at least read the OP's posts before commenting?

Isn't window film on your windows a similar amount of change to neighbour closing their curtains? Either way, I wouldn't do it if I was the neighbour. It would be a very weird request.

Why would you be so horrible to a child with SEN & his mum??

it's not big & it's not clever.

I don’t close them until it is dark. I have to have as much daylight as I can and only close them when I absolutely have to. I hate the dark 🙈 i would feel really awkward if you asked me this as i would feel horrible saying no, so would probably say yes, even though that then affects me.
I don’t think you should put someone on the spot. Maybe a note through the door? Or is there anything you can do help, like a black out blind you stick to window? I’ve seen them, they are like big stickers for the window

Who is FORCING her?

setting an alarm on your watch/phone isn't exactly difficult FFS.

its closing the blinds in the room you're watching tv in. Not a hike up snowdon!

You would think so, but he copes with other people's curtains/blinds being opened and closed each day, yet nearly managed to break my window with his head when I stupidly put a film sticker on it last year. This thread has helped me realise a)thank god it'll soon be coming into winter and I'll get a few months respite and b) the issue is actually his inability to deal with adverts as we can't avoid them forever.

I think this is a fine ask for a short, defined stretch of time. Asking someone for commit to doing it every single day indefinitely is probably the wrong side of unreasonable IMO. I wouldn’t commit to that if asked not because I’m uncaring or selfish but because I don’t commit to doing things if I know I’m going to end up not living up to my word, and I just wouldn’t remember to do this at the same time every night based on the screen time schedule in another household.

Unless you feel very sure that a week of the curtains being closed would solve the problem I think I’d focus on solutions that you can be in control of and make sure is consistent indefinitely even if they’re not otherwise ideal. Having the curtains closed some of the time but then randomly not seems like it’s likely to be the worst of all worlds in terms of DS’s frustration and meltdowns

I wouldn't even bother struggling not to.