To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

I would agree to make your life easier.

The level of screen addiction for children with special needs is off the scale. I know that it brings them comfort but I have seen children lose their mind when it is removed.

Can you try reducing ipad time too. Slowly.
Replacing it with something enjoyable,

I'd do it if asked - at least, I'd try to remember to. But internally puzzled as to why you even asked instead of solving the problem yourself with shutters.

Absolutely. I'd probably send over a bottle of wine and wave at you whilst we both try to find that tightrope of adaptions that make life bearable for our little people whilst also forcing them to live in a world where the vast majority of things can't be changed.

The obvious answer is to cover the window on the outside.

This is exactly it. Even with the best of intentions and sympathy for what the OPs going through, the sheer entitlement of asking someone to do something at 8 pm every single day of their life is astounding. I wouldn’t even ask my best friend or family to do something for me every single day at 8 pm. They’ve got their own shit and their own lives. And then if they agree because they feel obliged and guilty, I’d feel bad. And if they forget, they’d feel bad! There are literally no winners here!!!

I can’t believe people would think it’s reasonable to ask that of someone.

OP, can you ask your son's school or social services for some interventions to break the behaviour cycle itself? I don't blame you for wanting to stop it but there is probably some work that an expert of some sort could do with him so that you aren't dependent on a neighbour to agree to draw her curtains or whatever in the medium to long term.

How nice might it be to have a neighbour so close to have a cuppa with who understands too?

I still think external shutters are the way to go for OP. I'm in Australia and have them on my windows in case of fire evacuation.

I'm not even sure what you're on about. I can only assume you've misread my post or saltytwats because I have in no way indicated that people aren't allowed to have a different situation or refuse to close their blinds for any reason. I was clearly responding to an abusive poster saying she'd laugh in the face of the OP

I do understand. But your challenges are not someone else’s problem.

I cannot imagine how difficult it is having a SEN child but it doesn’t entitle you to impact someone else’s life.

He's actually fine when the iPad is removed luckily, he uses it more as a radio as he needs constant background noise. But once it goes away for quiet time before bed, it's like this obsession with the TV across the road starts, and then there are adverts which are his no. 1 trigger......😭😭😭 He KNOWS he hates it and I wish I knew why he insists on doing this every night (also, sometimes, daytime's but there's no way I would even consider asking someone to shut their blind at any point during the day).

But would it not occur to you that the person is asking you because they're at the end of their tether?

What's so terrible about just being asked whether you could manage to do something like this for a week? If you can't or won't then you just say no.

Some hard people on here with absolutely no understanding of how difficult some peoples lives are, caring for ND kid’s.

You say yourself in your op that you KNOW your request is unreasonable, so why are you getting shirty with people who agree with you?
I would expect as a functioning adult you would be able to obscure the view at your end rather than making it my probkem

8pm in summer? It's not even dark outside. Put privacy film on your windows.

The thing is people are so stupid they see this as not wanting to help you. But it's actually about the absolute torment for the child to suffer a meltdown. Meltdowns are horrible for their whole system. They can be ill off them.

Dictate:
state or order authoritatively.
"the tsar's attempts to dictate policy"

There is no harm in asking.
I'd try to accommodate you within reason.
Most people like their curtains open/blinds up with the longer days, so you'll have to accept the reply.

"Entitlement" is demanding the neighborhood have to stare into your house 24/7 and a child have a screaming meltdown because you're too ignorant and lazy to close your curtains a half hour a night.

If I were the neighbour and had this explained to me, I absolutely wouldn't mind closing my curtains for half hour or so. But I too have a disabled child that also has meltdowns and behavior problems so I completely sympathize with you OP.

Yeah Kim Jong Un keeps asking people politely to to do things. It's just like the OP

OP could you move your lounge about so that he wouldnt be sat facing the window to see out?

Oof it's a hard one. If you were to ask me, I would absolutely want to help you out, but I'd be frightened of forgetting due to being busy doing stuff in other rooms of the house or already out. Depending on the day of the week, 8pm for us is when we are either curled up on the sofa falling asleep, in the shower upstairs, cleaning up the kitchen if we have eaten late, or gone for a dog walk if the sun is still shining.
I'd try and find a solution that doesn't involve relying on your neighbour.

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request if you explain it like you have here.

I would certainly want to help out but it’s something I could promise every night and at that exact time. I leave the tv on for the dog when I’m out so if I was out the tv could be on and I couldn’t physically close the curtains.
when I have company or others watching tv etc it’s likely something that would be missed.

does she live alone? Are their views from her home? Is it an issue in winter? How well do you know her? Are you friendly?

I would happily do this if a neighbour asked me to. Lots of people care about others and want to be neighbourly, MN has people on here without real life friends and people who are too antisocial to answer their front door even!

Just tell your neighbour you know it’s not her problem but can she think of anything to help? She might just be able to angle the TV away from the window.

I really wish I could. I already sit with my blinds closed all day as he prefers lower light and incase the TV is on across the road. I try to keep him at the back of the house once the iPad goes away but he seeks out the windows looking onto the street. Ive tried putting a hook on the outside of the living room door so he can't get in to look out the window at that TV but he pushed the door so hard it broke off.