To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

@skymagentatwo I'm not sure why you felt the need to have a dig at me when responding to someone else's comment on your post? I had no expectations as to what the responses would be, which was precisely my reason for the post.

DonnatellaLyman · Today 23:24

I can’t believe people on this thread would say no?! It’s half an hour, and it’s only an issue for a couple of months a year when it’s light ish at 8.
.........
I agree but cannot imagine being able to see details of somebody's room, let alone TV, from across the road! The boy must have amazing eyesight.

Lol brilliant 🤣🤣

Can you put blinds up to block your view?

I would totally do this for my neighbour.

however , as the parent you’d need to consider times where the neighbour might forget, which might fuck things up a bit for you, or they might just say no. I think it’s more worthwhile find a solution at your end that you’ll always have control of, ykwim?

I really sympathise!

I absolutely wouldn't judge them for refusing, they are more entitled to say no than I am to ask. And obviously i wouldnt be phrasing it as in "I expect your blinds to be drawn at 8pm on the dot every night for a week", more of a "look, my son's being a nightmare cos of XYZ at the minute, I'm really sorry but would it be possible. . Only if it doesn't inconvenience you....obviously only if you remember" etc etc. I'm not looking to lay down rigid rules for someone else's home, I have enough to do trying to keep my own house functional 🤣

There are no lazy parents of autistic children, trust me. You're coming off as incredibly ignorant and embarrassing yourself.

I would be sympathetic and wouldn't mind at all. There is a strong possibility I wouldn't always remember or realise it was 8pm though.

No i wouldn’t ask but that’s me, i wouldn’t expect someone i barely knew to cater to my child’s needs but I don’t know if it’s possible to find another solution. Personally I’d do it for you.

It's impossible to test DS' eyesight due to his ASN but I think it's fair to say there's nothing wrong with it!

That is salty. :-) There's no need to go this far.

I would decline if it's light outside because it would clash with the sensory needs in my household and cause discomfort here. The needs in my household are just as important and my priority. However, I wouldn't go out of my way to make things worse for someone who asked. That's just not necessary.

You can’t change the world, you can only adapt your own life. It must be so hard.

I’d do it in a heartbeat if you asked me. They might be less receptive but give it a go.

There's literally no opposite. There's nothing you could do that could make mine & my sons lives any harder than they already are. But it's good to know there's people who would go out of their way to try to do that, incase I ever try to only see the good in people.

I don't think you can expect her to put up her alarm for 8pm every evening to not forget to close her curtains for exactly half an hour or whatever. You can politely ask and explain your situation, and she may try and do it from time to time when she remembers it, but I would not force her to do it every night sorry !

Maybe you're hard of reading and missed the "autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes" bit?

You'd think anyone living her life is "entitled" because she asked for a bit of help and you'd laugh at her. Christ. I hope you're fucking huge because I also have a child with meltdowns and my last nerve is stretched to nothing. I'd struggle not to slap you.

Considering that this is MumsNet - where the majority of people are parents, I’m really surprised by the number of posts on here basically saying’Go away - I don’t care about you your kid!!’
It’s so sad. Where is the neighbourly friendship or sense of community?

Schools out OP, trolls in full force. IRL most people aren't that shitty and the ones that are don't have half the nerve the ones online can muster. Easy to be hard behind the screen.

Would you understand if I said no because closing the curtain while it's light outside will trigger my autistic semi-speaking child? Because if I have to chose my child or yours, what goes on in my household comes first and you have to solve your end a different way.

My blinds open first crack of light and close when it's dark. I'd give anything to sleep in just one morning!

I know what it’s like to have an ND DC, and would probably do it for a couple of days, then I’d either forget due to sorting out my own DC bedtime routine or just because I’m a scatterbrain. Then I’d feel bad and embarrassed that I’d told a neighbour I’d do something that would help her family, and didn’t do it, despite my best efforts.

Based on the above I wouldn’t be able to agree to do it every day indefinitely, the most I’d be able to commit to is “I’ll try and remember”.

That's not the same as "I'd laugh in your face and do the opposite" though is it? 🙄 so how is it relevant?

I called out that poster.

I am genuinely wondering if you'd accept that or still get mad?

It’s such an entitled, oppressive ask though. It’s not an ask as asking for a lift in a car, or helping with shopping, or letting someone queue jump (which I’d happily do for a stranger, not just a neighbour) - it’s saying please adjust your life every single day for me. That’s not cool to ask of a neighbour. I would even ask my best friend to do something for me every single day at 8 pm. How dare I intrude on someone’s life like that?