To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

I wouldn't say 'bugger off' but tbh my face would probably show how I felt about the level of entitlement shown.

Why would you assume entitlement rather than desperation?

That sounds really difficult. You could ask but what will you do if they say no?
I would say no as I dont have curtains or blinds. Just net curtains. I feel more comfortable with natural light or lack of it. I feel at peace with the natural cycles of the light outside if that makes sense.

It's not "just half an hour" because once closed, neighbour is unlikely to be sitting there and go "Oh good, 8:30pm... I can go and open them again". They'd likely then just stay shut, even if it's to their own detriment because it's just more faff to keep opening and closing them

And some people clearly are being judgemental - calling those who would exercise their legitimate right to refuse (refusals which may be because the request harms the neighbour or her own family's mental health) such names as "vile", "asshole", "uncaring", "twat" and even "c*nts"

OP, a few experienced SEN parents here have suggested solutions - I'm sure you'd try those first and then if they don't work, of course just politely ask the neighbour, and don't try to trip her up or manipulate her. She will likely say yes.

But I'm a bit aghast at the people calling others cunts and expecting them to set alarms on their phones. Can you honestly not see this wouldn't be possible for many?

Off the top of my head -

We have strong willed young twins who until very recently would have been bathing and going to bed together at just this time. Leaving them alone has in the past resulted in one having their head pushed under the water in the bath or a big overtired fight. We can't always just nip down.

My sister is an emergency services worker who works crazy changing shifts. She could not set a permanent alarm on her phone for 8pm as sometimes it'd be going off in her locker at work or wake her up when she was asleep. So she'd have to factor it in every day and being human and very tired, would likely forget.

Our NDN is 88 and has diabetes and cancer. She doesn't sleep well at night and increasingly sits in front of the tv around 5/6 to eat dinner and then falls asleep with tv on/ curtains open. Once, I actually wondered if she had died in her chair and went round, and she explained that as she had got older and sicker, that was her routine now and when she got her rest. I believe many older people are similar. I don't think she should have to be woken by an alarm every evening.

None of those scenarios are horrible arseholes who don't care about SEN children. They're just ordinary people.

If they weren't in the TV wouldn't be on.

He really doesnt notice, care or understand what is going on in her living room. Given the huge double windows with no blind or curtain, and the fact the house is on a corner plot means houses from 3 different streets can see directly into her living room.

This is actually a GENIUS idea, no front garden as it's been turned into parking but NDN has a van that he parks on the street - I could move my car & see if he wants to move his van into my parking spot as he doesn't have one?

She might leave it on to keep a pet company. Or to make the place look occupied while she’s out, lots of people do.

Thank you. It's truly isolating to be the parent of a child with severe Autism and some of the attitudes on this thread has reinforced that view. To know that someone would take time to go out of their way to make life harder for my child has upset me to my core and I'm going to have to leave the thread.

YANBU to ask but YWBU to expect them to oblige - I personally would not be closing my blinds if I was asked

This is getting more batshit crazy by the hour! So now you want to ask ANOTHER neighbour to park in a particular spot for your convenience? Why don’t you just try to involve every neighbour in the street in YOUR problem? You’ll soon make yourself popular.

Oh and when you do tell your NDN to park there, don’t forget to tell him at what time it needs to be in position every evening, 🙄🙄

You’ve already been offered solutions that YOU can implement, yet you totally ignore those and only focus on stupid suggestions that inconvenience others.

Sure, but how many of those houses occupants do you think are hyper fixated on watching her tv through the window?

Do you think I don't try to read him stories every single night? Please do not try to suggest I do not parent my child. He is severely autistic but also has a severe learning disability and is, in his own paediatricians words, "the most own-agenda child she has ever seen in 30 years ". He has VERY clear boundaries for behaviour but I can't change a current obsession he has that I don't even understand what he is getting out of it, I don't know what need it is meeting so can't counteract that with something else.

Sigh, no, I was going to OFFER the neighbour (incidentally, also my cousin) if he would like to park his van there, seeing as he considered digging up his own front garden to make a parking space as he hates parking the van on the street but decided against it as it would block his light from the window......

Offer. That is all.

This.

That's unkind. Why do people think they can post what they like knowing it can cause such upset? There's a person who started this thread reading this. She's already having daily struggles.

Do you enjoy kicking others when they're already down? Posting helpful suggestions is more constructive.

Ignore the idiots op, they don't have a clue. I'm disappointed in some of the fellow sen parents also, not surprised though. Just because your child responded a particular way doesn't mean the ops will! You aren't being helpful and should know better. It's clear the op is at the end of her tether with this issue and all she needed was a little empathy and some ideas.

If you haven't experienced the level of hyper focus the op is talking about and are uncapable of a little empathy please do shut up. The van sounds like a good solution if it works for your neighbour as well op. We've had similar issues and sometimes all you need is to break the cycle.

Your other neighbour parking his van to block the view is a good idea, but he wont be able to guarantee he can park there as no one owns the space on the street.

Problem hopefully solved thanks to a posters great idea of having a van parked in front of window! (Our front garden has been turned into off road parking) Texted my cousin, he's delighted as saves him finding space on side street to park up van every night, he's home by 6 every night, and fingers crossed by winter this fixation will be over. Even if it isn't, it buys me some time to try and find a strategy that works.

But she is pursuing totally ridiculous ideas that are only likely to cause her conflict with her neighbours, and then she’ll be even more miserable. As I said, she has been offered practical, constructive solutions, by myself and others, but has totally ignored them. I absolutely do sympathise with her family situation, but it doesn’t give her the right to impinge on her neighbours in any way.

But you don't own the space outside your house. What if he cant park there?

Why are you so rude and unpleasant. You don't know the ops child or their very complex needs but you've magically decided your ideas are the solution?!

I do own the space. My front garden was slabbed and turned into a parking space by previous owners.

Ah ok that makes sense. I hope it works out for you.