To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

It's incredibly entitled to even ask.

My point was that some people are acting as if the neighbour is going to be forced to sit in utter darkness mole-like 24/7 in perpetuity. When in fact it will be a slightly less bright room, for half an hour a day, for a week. And just A request. Not an instruction. Jeez this thread is bonkers (me included by this point!)

It is making it her problem by involving her.

Do you or neighbour have a front garden? Would it be possible to plant an evergreen shrub/tree to block the view. Actually, doesn’t need to be evergreen as curtains would be shut in the winter?

Or hire a van and park it outside the window for a bit😀

In your opinion. Others feel differently.

It's bonkers to even consider asking.

Reply as above.

This poster could be on to something. Does anyone in your street have a van that could be strategically parked to block your view at night?

Stick it on the outside.

Well you're a delight.

no it's not the neighbours problem, no one has said it is, but the solution is simple & like many of us here, she MIGHT be willing to help.

FFS

No it's not

Could you get some of the window film and ask on a local FB group if someone, eg a window cleaner, a Sky installer, roofer etc could give you a quote for fitting it to the outside of the window. It wouldn't be a permanent solution and you may need to get them back to remove it but, basically, it's a job for someone with a steady hand and a set of ladders, and wouldn't cost anywhere near the outlay for exterior shutters/blinds. It may also be that by asking locally and explaining a little about the situation, you will get replies from people with other ideas and offers of help.

I think the problem with asking a particular neighbour is that, while some people would find it no problem and be happy to help, others might find it inconvenient and/or feel awkward to say no, and it could lead to the kind of ill-feeling that has been described within the thread.

And as the OP has already said, he will head butt the window... possibly causing devastating injuries.

Jesus what is so fucking hard about closing your curtains for half an hour to help a neighbour in the situation?

Because it won't be half an hour?

Yes, it is.
Explain how you've concluded it isn't, please.

Jesus, what is so hard abput understanding that it's not her neighbour's problem to solve?

Good idea about a bedroom swap too.

I think some posters come on to Mumsnet just to have a fight.

OP
It's the living room that's the main problem. I've tried putting a lock on the outside of the door to stop him going in but he burst through it to get to see her TV (not to watch it, to wait for the adverts and scream

Surely this would be the easiest way to deal with the problem. While I’m sure your DS can burst through some locks it would be easy enough to find a lock that he couldn’t burst through and, if the door is glass or whatever, I’m sure you could get it replaced. If his behaviour is this extreme and physical at 8 it would be useful to have a lockable door for the future anyhow.

There you go, problem solved and you don’t need to involve the neighbours.

You have no idea what might be "so fucking hard", but in the end it is irrelevant whether the neighbour would agree or not. If he was hitting his head on the neighbours wall, should the neighbour take the wall down? If he objects to flowers, should everyone pave their gardens over?

Having sympathy for the position the neighbour is in does not mean that others need to explain or accede. A number of practical solutions have been suggested, and that is helpful I am sure. It is not, however, anyone's place to decide what someone else ought to do - you have no idea what their definition of "it's too fucking hard" is, and unless you are the neighbour then your definition is irrelevant.

Sorry hadn't seen that. Someone else suggested bedroom move? And despite what others are saying, what's the harm in asking?

I don't think that's how it normally works. The OP knows the neighbour can say know but that doesn't mean she can't ask. Do you always say yes if someone asks if you could do something? Must lead to some interesting situations.

Why would the television be on if you are out?

I am really struggling to understand why people are so OUTRAGED and AFFRONTED and NOT-MY-FUCKING-PROBLEMISH about the mere idea of asking a neighbour a favour. Just the idea of asking seems to set some people frothing.

This thread has been a really sobering and depressing read up to and including the PP who said that if they were asked this favour they would go out of their way to do the opposite to make OP’s life more difficult.

OP please take heart that not everyone is unsympathetic to you and your boy (including some of the keyboard warriors here who may be actually perfectly reasonable people in RL).

I truly hope you can find a solution.

Better not to ask. You’d be giving your neighbour the job of remembering to do it at that time every single day and you’re teaching DC that other people are responsible for keeping them safe. I’d look for another solution that you can definitely make happen, maybe obscuring part of your windows that face the TV, permanently not just at 8pm.

No one has said she's doing anything wrong