To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

It is though. That's the point.
The neighbour is doing nothing wrong.

It is potentially intrusive.
That's true whether the neighbour has commented or not.

I still don't think anyone has claimed this? It would help the OP, but it is upto the neighbours, as has been pointed out many times. The OP was about would she be unreasonable to ask? Imo its not unreasonable to ASK, it would be unreasonable to demand. Others think differently - but this is a discussion board, and discussing it is the whole point

I would invite them round for a coffee and cake rather than doorstep them however, this gives you the chance to establish a good rapport and explain in a more relaxed manner the difficulties you're experiencing and why simply covering your own windows isn't foolproof.

I really wouldn't do this. It's pretty manipulative. As if the neighbour is going to say no when she's in OP's house. Even if she feels uncomfortable with the request.

No one is doing anything ‘wrong’

It’s a very sad society indeed where people feel inconvenienced by a 30 minute curtain closing and call it a huge imposition.

Asking the neighbours to change their activities, which aren't inherently wrong, is definitely putting responsibility on them to improve your situation.

OP would be if she asked the neighbour to change when she closed her own curtains.

It's equally sad to shame people who want to close or open their curtains when it suits them.

And neither is the op in just asking

Personally I don't see closing a blind, if I'm in and remember to do so as changing my activities/life. Ican only speak for myself and say I wouldn't feel it was a huge burden to me. clearly you think differently, and we may never agree - that's fine, we are both entitled to give our views.

What with the dramatic language? Nobody is trying to shame anyone!

Approaching a stranger in their own home is intrusive, you/I/OP have ZERO idea how the neighbour would feel being approached by a random stranger whilst they are in their home intruding into their private life to make a request of them within their safe place their home.

For all any of us know they are frail and vulnerable and this will play on their mind and put undue stress on them and their health. They may feel they are being watched, monitored and pressured which could affect them greatly.

I know numerous old frail people including my own mother who would worry daily over this. So this is the OPs issue 100% and until she feels its time to get to know the neighbour on a personal level with zero expectations and be a good neighbour herself she will never know.

Well that's not what most people do. Yes if they go to the loo or make a drink, but not if no one is watching a program

anyway, if people are coming it's not a hardship to close the blinds/curtains is it???.

I know loads of elderly people who leave the TV for a sense of companionship and/or back ground noise. So you would be wrong their just because you live in a different bubble.

No it's not, it's asking for a little help. To do something tiny that will help the OP massively. It's not making it her problem.

making it her problem woukd be sending DS over there every evening.

I think we've ascertained it wouldn't work for many people for many reasons....

You’re one of those people who hides if someone knocks on your door aren’t you?

And that’s fine. Nowhere has the op says she is demanding this of the neighbour.
There is nothing wrong with asking politely. As there are many people who would be willing to do this as it wouldn’t bother them at all.

Pretty sure calling people assholes and twats is trying to shame them 🤔

Oh dear god.

I was going to comment that if MN is at all representative of real life, OP could try knocking the neighbour's door to ask, but they probably wouldn't answer... 😂

But would it be just 30 mins? If she reopened them at 9.... what if the DS hadn't settled, or woke up later on, would the neighbour have to be contacted to close them again? Think the suggestions of external shutters are best as can imagine would be a stressor being reliant on neighbour remembering this task.

Hahaha no im one of the people who would tell people like the OP to F##off. But I know plenty of elderly people who are like that and vulnerable.

So do you think its funny and amusing that vulnerable people hide behind doors and scared of strangers? 🤔

Same to you, do you think its funny and amusing that vulnerable people hide behind doors and scared of strangers? 🤔

You’d actually tell a mum of a disabled child to fuck off for asking for help? And you’re trying to make out I’m heartless?? Okay …