To ask neighbour to close curtains

[Handrearedmagpie]

First of all, I know IABU. It's more a question of HOW unreasonable.
My young DS is autistic, non speaking and has a severe learning disability. Meltdowns are triggered by sudden changes like adverts on the TV. Neighbour diagonally across street from me has very large windows and an ENORMOUS TV. Never shuts her curtains/blinds so DS can watch her TV from our house and fixates on it when his own tablet is removed before bedtime.
Every. Single. Night. It's meltdown when adverts appear on her TV. Obviously I shut our own blinds but he knows her TV is there and just opens them again, or he will go upstairs and hyper focus on her TV from my bedroom window.
How horrendously unreasonable would I be to ask her to close her blinds for half an hour at night just to avoid this nightly hysteria??! I'm at my wits end with it.
YABU - absolutely unreasonable. It's your child's disability to manage.
YANBU - you can only ask and see what she says.

Good job I’m not judging people for that then isn’t it? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Surely the TV would be switched off of they were out?

We had another case. An old peeping tom wanted the curtains open so he has more view , I don't know of what

What @Tygertiger says. A lot of people on this thread don't get what it's like to parent a child like your son, day in day out. My son is autistic, his needs are far less complex than OPs but still extremely challenging.

My feeling is that all you can do is ask and explain that it's not a problem if she says no. I would investigate external shutters as well.

I'd rather leave the TV off for a week than close my curtains.

I think the issue I have is that it then puts pressure on me to do it or there are consequences, even though it’s not ‘my’ situation. If I do it for two weeks and then I forget one night or am late or I lose track of time and am in the middle of something when 8pm hits, doing a workout or on the phone or having a bath, or I am out and the kids are watching TV. There’s a lot of variables, and I’m not sure I’m willing to add that kind of pressure of an additional routine that must be done every day at the same time to my day for the foreseeable. For a week I would do it for sure though as best I could. But I have to be honest with myself with what I am realistically going to be able to stick to without fail for the long term, and that just won’t be feasible for us.

Asking your neighbour to do that is so intrusive. It’s still daylight at 8pm, but you want her to close the curtains and block the light? Mine would be staying open.

The onus is on you to find a solution within your own household, without encroaching on someone else’s home and how they choose to live. It’s invasive enough that your son is constantly observing what’s happening in her household, regardless of additional needs.

You could ask, but I think it would be better to try and address it from your side. Some of the suggestions on here are helpful.

Your neighbour might not even have curtains or blinds? Our curtains are for windows dressing only. As I hate the look of drawn curtains, I had them made so they can’t be drawn.

Well if the neighbour is concerned about other people being able to look into her window she could... close the blinds?

The neighbour hasn't said she is concerned.

I would ask, especially given that you have right attitude and aren't demanding out of a sense of entitlement.

I would invite them round for a coffee and cake rather than doorstep them however, this gives you the chance to establish a good rapport and explain in a more relaxed manner the difficulties you're experiencing and why simply covering your own windows isn't foolproof.

You can have a proper conversation together and, if they agree, are more likely to remember consistently.

Completely understand where you are coming from, but even if you only remembered to close them 2 days running and then forgot, this would be a huge respite for OP on those nights you did remember! I would be honest that you would do your best, that's all anyone can reasonably expect, but I wouldn't use forgetting as a reason to never do it all iyswim?

No, please don't do this. It's buttering up or emotional manipulation, making it harder for neighbour to say no without feeling she owes you something (she doesn't).

You might not be but there are plenty on this thread calling people assholes, twats, c*nts and more for saying No....

Exactly.
Well said.

I think it would make anybody uncomfortable to know that someone is watching the inside of their home from across the street, no?

She shouldn’t be made to feel like she has to close the curtains because another person (child, adult, whoever) is displaying inappropriate behaviour.

It’s a normal thing to have your curtains open at 8pm when it’s still daylight outside. If OP lets her know her kid is glued to the window, watching what she’s doing, the poor woman will feel like she’s in a fishbowl with no privacy in her own home, and that’s wrong af.

No but the poster I QUOTED did...

No, this would make her feel trapped and less likely to be able to say no

OP neighbour isn't responsible for OPs respite.

And?

Depends... I'm not the only one living there.

It's entitlement to ask at all.

This thread is the reason why I don’t bother with human beings. People getting their knickers in a twist and claiming asking a neighbour if they wouod mind closing their curtains for 30 minutes is a huge imposition.

I'm sorry, are you hard of understanding?

I responded to the poster who said it was intrusive enough that the child was looking through her window. I simply pointed out that if you have your window uncovered then people CAN see in, and if this bothers you then... close the blinds? HTH.

Then they close the curtains?
or you say no, it doesn’t work for you.