Adult DD has a love bite and I just hate it

[Rokuandice]

is it really just me? She’s 23 and thinks I’m very unreasonable and no one else’s Mom would care. I think they’re vile when visible. It’s making what is private, personal. It’s huge. Luckily she works from home and isn’t the slightest bothered by it. I’m a little hurt that she knows I hate to see them on her but doesn’t care.

I dislike them as they are a way for men to mark their territory. But it could have been a accident?

Did anyone read the fifty shades books? Theirs a scene where Christian gives Anna love bites all over her breasts because she went topless on a private beach. So gross. I never got why those books were so popular a selfish man controling his property.

What? This makes no sense. Stop making such sweeping generalisations and bring in misogyny into everything.

Oh to to be that young and passionate!

my 19-year-old had a few when she was seeing a dickhead. She was mortified and covered them all up with concealer. Never again.

Well I’ve never been called prudish or pearl clutching before - I also have no issue with DD’s life as an adult - but this is Mumsnet and people do like to charge in with their assumptions.

Believe it or not I’m happy that she is happy in her own skin and able to enjoy whatever she does -her business and I don’t want to know - the only conversations I’ve ever had the need to have, were around safe sex, consent and absolutely no choking ( and again I don’t give a fudge if anyone wants to judge me on that)

love bites in my mind,were one thing on teenagers back in the day - but look completely different on adults, male or female. They happen during intimacy and that is something that is private. I defy anyone to rock up to a job interview or important meeting or event with one and feel that’s okay- especially one that’s around 10cm like this nasty thing is. They’re literally TMI and keep it to yourself

She’s been seeing this guy for just over 6 months. Lately he’s not been making her so happy and she’s been telling me she’s ready to end it. He did wrong last weekend and left her very vulnerable, late at night in an unfamiliar city. I got the late night very upset phone call. I’m amazed (and disappointed I’ll be honest) that she didn’t end it - instead spent the day with him and came home with this He’s given visible nibbles before, but this size? I think he knew what he was doing.

I’m a little hurt that she knows I hate to see them on her but doesn’t care.

You sound scarily over involved. Do you generally have a problem with personal boundaries? Your poor dd.

I hope for her she can move out and live an independent life.

This does not mean I'm keen on 'love bites' weird name anyway but I am even less keen on overbearing mothers.

After hearing her sobbing in the street on Saturday and hearing women approach to see if she was okay - and dreading hearing a strange male voice approach - yes I’m worried about the relationship she’s in. Not too worried in the long run as I believe she will move on to a better partner. I’ll always think very visible love bites are 🤮 … and yes I think after the call for assistance on Saturday that she might be a little more sensitive that I don’t want to see a fresh one on her neck from this individual after his behaviour - as for moving out, she’s been away for uni and a year abroad - we laughed and agreed that what happened overseas stayed overseas but safe sex etc was a must. I don’t like love bites and I don’t like any young woman to be with idiots who behave less than they should do - combined with this being my DD, I’m okay with my feelings on this to be honest

Well that's quite the drip feed. Not sure I'd have started a thread focusing on love bites when it's really about an abusive or toxic relationship.

Are you the mum or dad? You never know these days on Mn
safe sex etc was a must. She is in her 20s, does she not have close friends to discuss things like safe sex? You really do sound over involved. Awkward and icky.

I think it’s weird that you’re “hurt” she isn’t bothered by your opinion on something on her body.

Haven’t had a safe sex conversation since she was in her teens. Choking conversation was later teens - I believe it was in the news a lot at the time and we had a general chat about it, she told me how common it was amongst her age group - her opinions were sensible I think. Awkward and icky 🙄

My son had a girlfriend that kept giving him love bites. I think it yuck and very embarrassing especially for his work. He got very huffy with me when I pointed out how unprofessional it was but from memory it did stop.

Yes this 100 times over !

Eh? I'm pretty sure I gave more than I got! (In my teens, obviously...)

I agree. I was in a controlling relationship and he marked my neck like this because I was going out with my friends that night and he was jealous.

Looking back, it was an early teen thing to be bitten to show you'd been snogged. Like being territory marked. Gross, and misogynistic. It was def about girls being bitten more than boys.

Concealer, or polo necked jumper. And rubbing toothpaste on it didn't work!

I think its a bit like wearing see through leggings. You wince a bit when you see it, may gently point out that something private is on show in case they don't realise, then if you're told to MYOB, you avert your gaze and put it into 'the second hand embarrassed, but what can you do?' box.

I’d be thrilled if all I had to worry about was my daughter having a love bite. They fade. Sadly tattoos don’t. Not much you can do - especially when she is in her twenties. It’s their lives.

All perfectly understandable. And the reason you want them on show to the world and your mum, is....?

YANBU to not like them

YABU to feel ‘hurt that she knows you hate them and doesn’t care’ - it’s not about you

But as many have said, love bites can be a territorial thing, so it’s not really a drip feed, it’s simply confirming what lots of people suggested anyway (and were dismissed by others).

"I defy anyone to rock up to a job interview or important meeting or event with one and feel that’s okay"

But she's not. You said she just works from home.

Focus less on the bite and more on the man who gave it to her - a sure sign of a controlling relationship. He’s leaving his mark on her, marking his territory. Like a dog pissing on a tree.

Adults give each other hickeys too

What a weird comment

What a drip feed

Almost like you weren't getting the response you wanted and decided to try and up the ante...

Is a love bite a hickey?

Love bite = Br Eng
Hickey = US Eng