To think ‘LTB’ is said too often on MN ?

[AugustHoliday]

Inspired by a couple of recent threads. I’ve seen LTB instructed for trivial matters including ‘DH’s’ shitting in en-suite’s and a new boyfriend turning up hungover for Sunday lunch at the future in-laws.

Is it just me, or is this advice handed out too lightly?

If a man doesn't want a cat, 'just get rid of him' is the latest

And i will leave it to those with more time on their hands to find it if they are desperate to find it

Youre oversimplifying.

I voted LTB about the hungover boyfriend if the woman was in her 30s and wanting to start a family because of her age and his other failings in the lead up to his fuck up.

I saw a woman summarise the issue of men perfectly recently:

"I would rather wake up alone and make the bed than hear a bunch of excuses from a man about why he can't make the bed."

So it's not LTB. It's women preferring to be single.

I admit it, I’m old, I think far too many abbreviations are used on MN, I don’t actually know what LTB means,

I'll look. Can I have a clue?
Is the word cat in the thread title?

Hmm I don't know, maybe sometimes. Bur sometimes I think older women are just better at spotting the early red flags.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5197897-to-want-dh-to-say-yes-to-a-cat?page=1

This one?

You're ignoring the huge huge societal bias in favour of keeping the peace in relationships.

Most aspects of women's lives scream at them that they need to be in a relationship to be "whole". From childhood the idea is pushed at women that they aren't complete without a man, that marriage is their main objective in life, that attracting, keeping and managing a man is their most important job. Women internalise this and therefore perceive any problem in their relationship to be as a result of their own shortcomings.

Relationships with normal "ups and downs" aren't what prompt people to say LTB, and neither would anyone in their right mind act on such advice.

LTB is used (in my view usually correctly) to jolt someone out of thinking that substandard behaviour from men is what they deserve and that they need to tolerate it to keep their relationship on the rails.

I have never seen a thread where 'LTB' was said in earnest when it wasn't justified.
Because time and time again, its a symptom of a bigger lack of disrespect and the partner simply not being emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
I actually dont think its acceptable for someone to go 'hey, ive got a problem with what you said/the way you behaved' and for that person to basically turn around and go 'there is no problem/its your problem/go away' which so often happens in these situations.

Exactly. LTB is a kind of shorthand for "don't put up with shit just to keep a relationship on the rails".

Ideally you leave at the first (or second) red flag before you get financially enmeshed/have kids so you don't need to LTB because the bastard isn't too deep in your life.

But LTB is a way of reminding people that however enmeshed they are they can still leave if something is making them that unhappy.

As has been said to death on this thread and elsewhere, absolutely no one leaves a good or even a mediocre relationship because someone on Mumsnet has said "LTB". But it can be useful when people are starting to doubt their own sanity as a way of reminding them that a marriage isn't a life sentence and you're still a free agent.

I think it’s often warranted, but without enough empathy into how hard it can be and how long it to take to extricate yourself from a bad situation. And of course the economic aspect. For many women who should LTB, it’s just not an option.

It’s often said in jest

mind you shitting in the en-suite….

Some of the common ones are in here
https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

Lots of women put up with far too much shit from men, so I'm happy they're often advised to LTB, we tolerate too much crap from men. Some women need to hear it.

I'm not seeing pages full of 'LTB' on the cat thread.

@ThepeopleversusworkWell said. Lots of women still need to hear this. Thank God for Mumsnet.

I don't think it's said or considered enough.

Indeed.

There are, however, quite a few saying the op is unreasonable and unfair.

Not quite the ltb fest...

I rarely see an LTB where I think it’s not warranted.

I think women and society in general has been conditioned to accept men’s behavioyr - selfish, self centred, boys will be boys, etc. Barely functioning as an adult and those that are just about functioning are lauded as fucking hero’s (eg the simpering over a father who changes a fuckinv nappy and holds a baby) and women are told to be hugely grateful for these small fucking gestures

time to shift the Overton window.

Absolutely.
Its normal to be treated a bit shit and sometimes really badly, dont make a fuss about it, if you aren't getting your teeth punched out you should work through it, dont be selfish, people give up too soon...

So many shitty men with appalling behaviour - not enough LTBs if you ask me. If it gets to the stage you need to ask strangers on the Internet about some awful thing that your so called partner has perpetrated, that should tell you all you need to know.

Women need to know that it's perfectly OK to LTB and that often the grass IS greener on the other side.

Surely the whole point of asking advice on here is to gather a range of honest views. If the honest opinion of people responding is LTB, then so be it. Other posters will offer other suggestions and the OP can take from the thread what most resonates with them. Unless there's some evidence of hoardes of women leaving happy marriages and spending their lives plagued with regret because some people on NN said LTB, I don't think its too much of a cause for concern.

I would rather wake up alone and make the bed than hear a bunch of excuses from a man about why he can't make the bed."

I feel this in my SOUL!

As far as I can see, the cat thread is almost entirely on the dp’s side. The op is even being told not to try and persuade him because that would be emotional blackmail.

I gave an opinion, you don’t like it, what do you want me to do. Suggest you go and look up the meaning of categoric given my opinion clearly doesn’t match it.

It's not an opinion though. An opinion is 'I think LTB is used too much' but you said, 'it's said a lot, often way too much'. That's a statement so you should be able to back that up with at least one example.

You don't seem able to so most of us will take your statement with a pinch of salt thanks and continue to protect women from shitty men.

And just to let you know I'm often praising couples for their good relationships. I'm not jaded or bitter but that doesn't mean women should have a bar on the floor.