To think ‘LTB’ is said too often on MN ?

[AugustHoliday]

Inspired by a couple of recent threads. I’ve seen LTB instructed for trivial matters including ‘DH’s’ shitting in en-suite’s and a new boyfriend turning up hungover for Sunday lunch at the future in-laws.

Is it just me, or is this advice handed out too lightly?

This is the issue. When only DV is seen as a reason to LTB.

All women should have an absolute zero tolerance for any shit behaviour choices men make. It would improve their lives stratospherically, lead to less trauma, fewer traumatised kids, less child abuse.
The only reason to be in a relationship with a man is if he enhances a woman's life in every possible way and makes things easier and fun, that's the entire point.
So many men are incapable of this, so no reason to date one who's shit.

Statistically the happiest group in society are single, childfree women 😊

Yep.

From the days when a happy marriage meant a happy husband and a wife enduring whatever it takes to make the marriage work.

It’s said a lot, often way over the top.

It's not said enough in rl.
Far too many women are with absolute wankers and stay in terrible relationships.

Nobody is seriously advised to end a relationship over trivia.

What does happen is a woman will start a thread complaining about trivia and over the course of the thread will disclose abuse and it will turn out he is genuinely a complete bastard in many ways.

Stupid people / people with an agenda will link the original post to the ltb response, ignore the disclosures during the thread that completely change the picture, and come up with bollocks like women are told to ltb because he leaves toast crumbs in the butter.

So you can’t give a single example of someone saying “LTB” for something trivial-but there are loads of them. Right.

An example, please. One will do.

This. I don’t often say it and not for somebody in a long marriage, with kids, financially enmeshed etc.

But the Sunday lunch one….six months, nothing tying you to him….it’s the perfect time to flee a pretty hefty red flag.

a new boyfriend turning up hungover for Sunday lunch at the future in-laws.

You mean the thread where he not only arrived hungover, but proceeded to vomit several times in the toilet, drink more alcohol and then regale the tales of his friends’ nights with sex workers?

Your bar is in the floor, OP. Do better for yourself.

Absolutely. If people walked away straight away when red flags crop up then it would never get to the point of trapped with a twat.

(That obviously doesn't help with those who only begin to be abusive once you are tied to them. )

I’m not going to go and find a post just to satisfy a random on the internet 😂

This sounds like a recipe for struggle love.

As the saying goes “women date a man hoping he will change”.

What if he doesn’t.

That is a perfect example of what I was saying. Perfect.

His behaviour was atrocious. He even tried to blame that op for it!

Yet its reduced to "a hang over" to falsely claim ltb is used for trivia

Link it or it didn’t happen.

Surely somebody from a failed relationship is absolutely the right person to get advice from as they can offer advice from experience.

Not all lasting relationships are successful ones. Some are incredibly unhealthy.

One married PP here stated that women who wanted a man who was “empathetic, faithful” and shared the domestic load were “superficial”. Why would anybody take advice from somebody who feels that way?

The issue wasn't the boyfriend turning up hungover, it was that he casually mentioned prostitutes as part of a standard night out. Two very different things. And in that case she should 100% LTB.

Personally I think far more powerful than “LTB” is “was he always like this?”.

The answer to that is far more illuminating for other women navigating dating and relationships.

For cheating, or physical abuse it is good advice. Other things are often more nuanced, we have only heard one side of the situation, and without being there to witness, one instance of emotional abuse, may be a bad mood due to stress or part of a long term sustained pattern of behaviour, we can't tell.

Yes, my reaction is that.

I more mean it from the perspective of ‘I don’t like it when he clips his nails on the sofa I prefer he does it in the bathroom’ - it’s a preference, and something that can be learnt. I’m not talking about emotional loads women have, or continuously asking to put dishes in the sink and not leaving them on the table if you see what I mean

Right. So you can’t/won’t back up your categoric statement.

Link what?

Her post on here.

🙄

Before I was married I once dumped someone because my cat didn’t like him and he said she was “stuck up”, so I’m a big fan of dumping men at the first red flag. When it’s a boyfriend I’m more inclined to say LTB, because a boyfriend is pretty inconsequential. Sometimes I think it’s said as a joke, but when I say it I always mean it. I am a bit of a man hater if I’m honest and I hate to see women putting up with inconsiderate, mean men. It’s probably because I watched my mum put up with my dad for so long before she finally kicked him out.