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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much alcohol for a 15 year old?

569 replies

Dramatic · 31/07/2025 20:29

If your 15 year old was going to a party (supervised by parents at the house) how much alcohol would you allow them to take with them?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Lemniscate8 · 01/08/2025 03:03

I don't understand why anyone would give their 15 year old alcohol to take to a party - they are far too young.

Allowing or encouraging drinking alcohol at this age makes your child many times more likely to end up a problem drinker. The more a parent "allows" the more a child will drink, and on average over twice what has been "allowed" -

A teen dies every week of alcohol poisoning

1 in 20 men and 1 in 40 women in the UK are alcoholic. This is more likely the more permissive the parent were.

And this is without going into the statistics on accidents, violence, crime and other health problems

Sorry, the only responsible answer for a 15 year old is none, and no way would any 15 year old of mine be going to this party.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 06:47

Dramatic · 31/07/2025 23:40

Sorry I posted this and then promptly forgot to come back and check 🤦

Anyway, situation is it's a 16th birthday party, early September so the birthday girl is one of the oldest in the year. My daughter will have only been 15 for a couple of weeks as she's the youngest in the year. The parents have said they don't mind kids bringing their own alcohol and I'm very aware that if we don't provide any she might end up getting some from other sources which obviously we then can't control.

These parents sound pretty irresponsible. I wouldn't be wild about her going at all.

Wouldn't it be better to teach her about peer pressure, and about the dangers of drinking alcohol (both in terms of poisoning and also making herself vulnerable) and say she can go but you want her to stick to soft drinks?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 06:53

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 00:09

Yeah I'm an older millennial and we were absolutely wild. I was drunk several nights a week at 16, it's just not the same now. Probably a good thing and maybe we can actually thank the rise of social media for that

Perhaps your own childhood experiences are giving you a skewed perspective of what is normal.

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 01/08/2025 07:02

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 31/07/2025 20:34

What’s the setup here? Do the parents know/expect the teens to bring alcohol? Does the teen want to? What do they normally drink? How much? Have you had conversations about safe drinking, limits etc?

What would you say is a safe limit?

neverband · 01/08/2025 07:11

My nearly 16 year old wouldn't be going this party 😂

Brunettesmorefun · 01/08/2025 08:31

Velmy · 01/08/2025 01:00

Ignore all the very naive 'none' people. If there's booze there and she wants some, she'll be having some.

Also, ignore everyone else. There's no right answer here.

Are the parents there going to be keeping an eye on things, or disappearing upstairs and turning a blind eye?

Is your daughter sensible enough to drink only what you send her with? Is she mature enough to understand that you're essentially giving her the freedom of an adult, and that she'll be expected to behave like an adult as a result, and deal with adult consequences if she doesn't? Are you willing to enforce those rules/consequences?

Is she used to drinking alcohol? Does she know her limits?

I grew up in a European country where you could legally drink beer/wine in bars/buy it from supermarkets age 16. My parents were fine with me having a few beers/Smirnoff Ice or whatever with friends from 15. We could blag bars/shops at that age with a bit of makeup/fancy clothes, so there wasn't much they could do about it anyway.

We worked on a trust system: If I had a couple of drinks and came home at a reasonable time in a reasonable state, they were happy to treat me like a young adult. If I came home drunk or late or didn't answer my phone, the consequence was being treated like a child.

There is a right answer here as others have pointed out … it is illegal to supply minors with alcohol.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/08/2025 08:48

Lemniscate8 · 31/07/2025 20:54

My cousin was one of those liberal, lets be open about it, lets advise and share it parents. her son was diagnosed as alcoholic at 16.

I agree. I find it bizarre that people take as read that alcohol will be being consumed and facilitate it with kids this age. There's something very defeatist about it.

It's true that a portion of teenagers will drink regardless of what their parents recommend and its also true that its better for them to drink on a supervised basis than buy strong spirits behind their parents' backs.

But it's really interesting that we seem to feel in this country that kids drinking themselves into a stupor is inevitable, rather than trying to discourage it. Why?

If you look at the facts historically, my generation (Gen X) drank much more heavily than previous generations. It was part of the culture in a way it mainly isn't for today's youth. Gen Zs drink a lot less and have a much more mature attitude to alcohol. That doesn't mean they are teetotal but they don't seem to be hell bent on drinking themselves into oblivion.

But tons of people on this thread seem to be just accepting that kids will develop unhealthy and furtive drinking habits as a matter of course. It could happen, but its far more likely to happen if you model the idea that drinking is normal! My parents drank daily (my dad was a high functioning alcoholic). They encouraged us to drink in the belief that "healthy" drinking is better than total avoidance. They were in massive denial about the fact that they couldn't face the idea of life without alcohol.

I think its far better to encourage abstinence (with a mature acceptance that this can't be guaranteed, and supervise drinking when it does occur, than rush to initiate your kids into unhealthy drinking patterns. Particularly when they are much less inclined to do it in the first place!

FableLies · 01/08/2025 09:26

Drivingthevengabus · 31/07/2025 21:45

No I don't, but I am also not "daft" enough to think if I give none they are drinking none 🤷‍♀️

I don't understand your point?

Edited

Why provide any then? Let your teen make their own choices rather than outright supporting teen drinking and encouraging them to think as you do. Not all teens will choose to drink, but you are pushing it.

I drink, but alcohol is incidious and can rip families apart. Why start early?

Velmy · 01/08/2025 09:39

Brunettesmorefun · 01/08/2025 08:31

There is a right answer here as others have pointed out … it is illegal to supply minors with alcohol.

So? It's still going to happen.

Technically it's a bit of a grey area...it's illegal to buy alcohol on a child's behalf, but a child over 5 is legally allowed to drink alcohol at home, or in a private premises, which this party sounds like it is.

So if you're talking strict legalities, there are certainly ways to make it happen within the law.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's the brightest idea I've ever heard! But I suppose the argument is, if they're going to do it, they might as well do it in a controlled environment with adults present to manage quantities, behavior, and with the ability to knock it on the head if needs be.

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 09:55

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 06:53

Perhaps your own childhood experiences are giving you a skewed perspective of what is normal.

Maybe, I don't think my experience was particularly out of the norm though.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 09:57

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 09:55

Maybe, I don't think my experience was particularly out of the norm though.

I am about the same age as you and the vast majority of my peers were not getting drunk several times a week at the age of 16. So I would say it was out of the norm.

Brunettesmorefun · 01/08/2025 10:01

I don’t understand why you would facilitate your child in taking something which could be harmful to them? My 15 year old would not be going to this party.

PalePinkPeony · 01/08/2025 10:03

WhatColourTiles · 01/08/2025 02:03

But it is illegal to buy alcohol for U18 in the UK (with some exceptions for 16 and 17 year olds). So if anything went badly wrong the police can investigate where the alcohol came from/who was supervising the drinking of this alcohol on private premises.

My youngest is 15 and I would not provide any alcohol for her to drink at a party. I would actually say no to the party if I thought not having alcohol was likely to cause any problems - it's ok to still parent your children at 15.

I parent my 15 year old perfectly well. I trust her- that trust has built up over years and she knows that if that trust is broken then things change.
I would prefer to introduce alcohol slowly in a controlled way with a couple of Smirnoff ice’s or a few cocktails on holiday together over these next couple of years before she turns 18 and can disappear all night drinking to her hearts content if she so chooses. 15 nearly 16 isn’t a baby. I’m not about to stop her going to parties. I want her to have lots of fun. She’s just finished GCSE’s and deserves a fun summer with friends, not a mum cancelling all the fun parties.

PalePinkPeony · 01/08/2025 10:07

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/08/2025 08:48

I agree. I find it bizarre that people take as read that alcohol will be being consumed and facilitate it with kids this age. There's something very defeatist about it.

It's true that a portion of teenagers will drink regardless of what their parents recommend and its also true that its better for them to drink on a supervised basis than buy strong spirits behind their parents' backs.

But it's really interesting that we seem to feel in this country that kids drinking themselves into a stupor is inevitable, rather than trying to discourage it. Why?

If you look at the facts historically, my generation (Gen X) drank much more heavily than previous generations. It was part of the culture in a way it mainly isn't for today's youth. Gen Zs drink a lot less and have a much more mature attitude to alcohol. That doesn't mean they are teetotal but they don't seem to be hell bent on drinking themselves into oblivion.

But tons of people on this thread seem to be just accepting that kids will develop unhealthy and furtive drinking habits as a matter of course. It could happen, but its far more likely to happen if you model the idea that drinking is normal! My parents drank daily (my dad was a high functioning alcoholic). They encouraged us to drink in the belief that "healthy" drinking is better than total avoidance. They were in massive denial about the fact that they couldn't face the idea of life without alcohol.

I think its far better to encourage abstinence (with a mature acceptance that this can't be guaranteed, and supervise drinking when it does occur, than rush to initiate your kids into unhealthy drinking patterns. Particularly when they are much less inclined to do it in the first place!

But why is it nothing or drink into a stupor? That’s not the case IME. Yes some teens do go mad but my dd and most of her friends will have a few weak drinks and come home fine. This is in a controlled environment where parents are present in the house in case things get out of hand. I would far rather her do that than take 2L bottles of white lightening to a field at 16 with mates.

TotallyAddictedToCoffee · 01/08/2025 10:09

Ideally none

Realistically, maybe one bottle (wine size) of something pretty low % so she can drink like her mates but not get bladdered and throw up (like I did at her age)

It's all well and good everyone saying she shouldn't drink, but lets be honest, she's going to drink

At least if @Dramatic buys it, she has some control over what is consumed, DD will fit in with her mates and hopefully won't be tempted to sneak around buying her own, which may have disastrous consequences!

PalePinkPeony · 01/08/2025 10:11

wandawaves · 01/08/2025 02:57

Australia. So you're allowed to purchase alcohol for a child?? Why don't they just let the kids go and buy their own alcohol then.

In Australia you can get an $11000 fine and/or 12 months jail. The staff at the bottle-o can also be fined, and so if they suspect you are buying it for a minor, they can and frequently do refuse to sell to you.

Kids are allowed to consume alcohol on private property IF they are supervised by a responsible sober adult, and the adult is NOT allowed to continue letting them drink if they are drunk.
That's not to say under-age piss ups happen, they do, constantly. But in terms of the law, you cannot purchase alcohol for minors, and hence that's why I do not buy my kids alcohol.

No, you can’t buy for a child. In terms of buy and give it to them outside the supermarket. But you can buy, bring home and the child can drink it at home. That is perfectly legal from age 5. Which is what the op’s daughter is going to do? Drink on private property? And that’s a dumb law btw. Totally unenforceable. How on earth can you tell if someone is drunk (I don’t mean very drunk) All the girls I’ve seen at parties are very excitable even before drinking or after 1. Loads pretend to be a bit drunk but really haven’t had much. I’m not sure how many parties you have supervised of 16 year olds but I’ve been to a few!

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 01/08/2025 10:21

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 01/08/2025 07:02

What would you say is a safe limit?

Depends on the young person , their size, what they’ve eaten etc. really.That’s why I asked if OP’s DD drinks already, how much and if she wants to take drinks. Some of DD’s friends already started with a glass of prosecco or some fruity cider at xmas/new year’s etc so a couple of cans of something similar or a couple of WKD’s would be fine. DD on the other hand, doesn’t like any type of alcohol so unless things change by the time she’s older, she’d be better off with none. Or one bottle of something like WKD blue but non fizzy(unless she lets it sit and fizz out) as she won’t be used to it. She’s already the odd one out as she doesn’t drink fizzy soft drinks so she’s perfectly used to saying “no thanks”.

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 10:26

PalePinkPeony · 01/08/2025 10:07

But why is it nothing or drink into a stupor? That’s not the case IME. Yes some teens do go mad but my dd and most of her friends will have a few weak drinks and come home fine. This is in a controlled environment where parents are present in the house in case things get out of hand. I would far rather her do that than take 2L bottles of white lightening to a field at 16 with mates.

This is exactly my view, no I'm not going to allow her to drink herself in to a stupor but I'm also not prepared to ban her from any parties or let her go to parties but somehow ban her from drinking a drop of alcohol.

OP posts:
DaisyDukesAuntie · 01/08/2025 10:44

None

mrlistersgelfbride · 01/08/2025 10:48

Maybe one or two cans of pre mixed cocktails if they were mature and closer to 16 than 15.

I certainly wouldn’t be encouraging it.

God times have changed haven’t they. Hell would have frozen over before my parents would have given me alcohol for a party at 15!!

Sortumn · 01/08/2025 10:51

Our own experience shapes our decisions.
At 14 birthdays were held in a restaurant we knew would serve alcohol, so a pizza/pasta, hot fudge cake and a couple of castaways were had. The 'cool girls' were clubbing so that was very tame and infrequent in comparison.

One of my children went to a party at 15 and I hadn't realised the parents had such a liberal approach to alcohol. One of the kids had to be picked up within an hour as they'd drank too much spirits too quickly. Thankfully that was enough warning to the others to reign it in!
One of my kids went to a friend's house where one of the girls decided to help themselves to the mother's vodka. She also had to be picked up.

We've had conversations about alcohol with my youngest much earlier than with my other kids because those two events above caught me off guard before I felt we'd had enough conversations to prepare them.

Glitterblue · 01/08/2025 10:54

None

PreciousTatas · 01/08/2025 11:00

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 00:07

Well I think the fact that they are all completely illegal and the second two are absolutely abhorrent makes them slightly different to alcohol 🙄

Oh, so the rule is that teenagers will only yearn for legal forbidden things?

Dramatic · 01/08/2025 11:09

PreciousTatas · 01/08/2025 11:00

Oh, so the rule is that teenagers will only yearn for legal forbidden things?

Are you saying that most teenagers want to have sex with animals and dead people?

OP posts:
geekone · 01/08/2025 11:19

Are you in Scotland OP? It’s pretty common here I think. My DS was 15 in Jan and by March was at a 16th birthday party with alcohol. We sent him with 3 cans of AU and one can of kopperburg. Yes it’s going to be frowned upon but I would rather know that I might need to pick up my son from a party than have him hide it from me and stagger home. Yes I could keep him home ban him from alcohol but I know at 15/16 his dad and I were drinking and nightclubbing and my parents had no idea I was drinking. I am nearly 50 I have asked and they didn’t. Some situations I got myself in I am trying to avoid by giving some leeway so some alcohol at a party maybe once a month more like once every two months. He’s already not liking how it makes him feel so hopefully it’s just a phase. We will see, I might be wrong and turn him into an alcoholic or he might get bored and all of the people clasping their pearls and saying complete abstinence is best we will see how that works out too. My guess is that the difference will be negligible