Holiday club - public toilets

[Robynfaith198]

My little one year 2 attends a holiday club with some of his school friends at a leisure centre. They do lots of sports, cake making, bouncy castle etc. He LOVES it!

He came home yesterday and said he went to the toilet on his own (lady waited near the main desk whilst he went in the toilet) and he said he had to go in the men’s (he’s used to coming in ladies with me which I understand he likely can’t do that without me there). Anyway he said when he went in there was a man having a wee at the urinal and he saw the man’s Willy whilst he was having a wee. (I obviously asked all the relevant safety questions and all seems fine aside from feels a bit weird when I wouldn’t send him in the men’s alone if we were out and about!)

AIBU to think this is a bit wrong at a holiday club considering it’s like public toilets that perhaps the holiday club staff should check nobody is in there? Or wait right outside the toilet? Or let the kids use the disabled toilet?

I don’t know if I’m being over the top 😅

Or let the kids use the disabled toilet?

Am getting 🍿.

I'll add some more 🍹

If he's in Year 2 is he 6? He'll be old enough to use mens toilet in another year on his own. I don't think holiday staff did anything wrong. You need to teach your DS not to stand and look at other men's Willy's.

If you are sending him to a holiday club in a public leisure centre then it’s obvious the kids will use public toilets! Nothing wrong or inappropriate happened here. Pretty goady suggesting they use the disabled toilet.

Yanbu at all and this is a huge safeguarding red flag. Yes the procedure should be for a staff member to check the room is empty before sending an unaccompanied child in, or a staff member should accompany your child (and it is fine for a 6-7yo boy to come into the women's loos if its a female staff member). They should not be sending a vulnerable child alone into a potentially risky situation with random unvetted members of the public. Kick up a stink, and do not leave your gild with them again until they have confirmed they will do this properly from now on. some 8yo boys are mature enough to start using the public mens loos unaccompanied but some need longer and I don't think it's remotely reasonable for this to be the default plan for year 2 kids who may be as young as 6 if summer born.

No, he’s a boy, he’s used to using the boys toilets at school where presumably they have a choice of urinals or cubicles. He has to go in the men’s toilets. He’s year two, so presumably 7 years old?

there is absolutely no issue with other men/teenage boys using the urinals while he’s in there too if they are behaving appropriately. If it bothers him, he can use the cubicle.

disabled toilets are NOT for non-disabled children.

i would also be encouraging him to not stand staring at other guys willies while they wee but maybe that’s just me.

If you weren’t comfortable with him using public toilets then you should have chosen a different club. At a leisure centre of course they aren’t going to have their own dedicated facilities and are going to use the public ones. And I would think from a safeguarding perspective the people running the club aren’t allowed into the toilets alone with him and they can hardly have 30 plus kids all using the disabled one can they - that’s hardly fair on those that genuinely need to use those facilities

I think you need to give your head a wobble. And have his dad take him in more gents toilets so he gets used to seeing men using urinals

Another thread where every man who used a public toilet is a pedo. What you expected a female children's club manager to make sure the blokes loos are empty. Personally if I am taking a piss and a woman walks in I am making a complaint.

Sorry I know that there are sick bastard's out there but it's an event at a public leisure centre, she waited outside for him (as you will in a couple of years) you need to ask yourself what else could they do.

I agree with you OP. But then I have a son of that age, and I'm guessing most of these people responding haven't.

Its not about him being used to using the men's toilets or that 'every man is a paedo'. And why have so many people implied the child must have been staring and the man's penis? OP just said that the child said he saw it.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but I wouldn't want my 7 year old going unaccompanied into the men's toilets.

it’s perfectly normal to see another man’s willy when using a public toilet with a urinal. Of course it’s not appropriate to clear the toilets so your son can have sole use. If you aren’t comfortable with this, you need to use another club. My kids went to a holiday club at a leisure centre when they were younger, didn’t ever consider this an issue.

Man has penis out whilst urinating at a urinal, shock horror! Providing he’s wasn’t helicoptering or standing int he other side of the room it’s a complete non issue

This is a safeguarding issue so ignore posters who are saying it isn’t. Staff should actually be checking the toilets to ensure they are free of members of the public before allowing unsupervised children in. Or they should be staying in the toilet while the child goes. Some clubs have designated loo times where all children go (say before or after lunch) and ensure no members of the public are present at these times. I am DSL trained and this is standard practice. I’d speak to the staff and politely ask about SG procedures during toilet time. Sexual assaults happen in public toilets to unsupervised children.

I have a six year old boy and would have been fine with this happening. They are boys and I’m not sure what the issue is with using the male toilets!

It’s not the case when held in a public leisure centre with limited facilities. Will be in Ts and Cs of info mum took with her/ was able to view when she signed up her child to it. I went to one of these clubs around the same age and we used public loos. There aren’t enough staff leaders in these clubs to follow each child to the toilet and supervise them.

there also weren’t designated toilet times, that’s crazy. It’s not school and you can’t choose when you need to go.

Ps sexual assaults can happen anywhere.

YANBU. I’m surprised their safeguarding risk assessment allows it. I suppose they are mitigating the risk by standing outside, but the damage could be done by then. He’s still very young to be left to his own devices around random men.

I’m also surprised at some of the responses you're getting on this thread. Absolute idiots. It’s shocking how wanting to safeguard children from opportunist threats has people rushing to defend men and say “not all men are peados”. 🙄 They must not give a shit about the safety of young children so ignore them.

You are right to be concerned op. Just ask to see their risk assessment for children using the public loos and talk to him about stranger danger. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

have you never been to a leisure centre before?!? There is never toilets just for kids.
also leisure centres rules tend to be 8 and over have to use toilets of their own sex so given that he’s 7 now and possibly nearly 8, he’s only a few months off having to go in on his own even if he’s with you anyway.

While it's natural to feel uneasy when your child is still so young, seeing someone at a urinal is a normal part of using male public toilets. It sounds like nothing inappropriate happened, just something unfamiliar to him.

If you're concerned talk with the staff to understand their approach might be worthwhile.

It’s great that he felt confident enough to talk to you about it—that’s a really positive sign.

I can understand why you didn't like it.

But unless they had private toilets, this is the reality. They can't go in with the child. They can't close the toilets.

When he’s 8, he must use the men’s. As in, that’s the latest.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to send a 7 year old in.
But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask if a male member of staff can take a group of them into the men’s next time.

Those saying ‘the member of staff should go in with him.’

on every safeguarding course I’ve done as a teacher one teacher is NOT ALLOWED to go in with a child. You would need 2 teachers to go in. (1 to confirm the other is not doing anything wrong).
these leisure centre holiday clubs are incredibly cheap usually and it’s why people choose them, these is never going to be the staffing levels to allocate 2 members of staff every time a - presumably at 7 perfectly capable - child goes to the loo.

the responsibility was on the op from the outset that if she wanted children’s toilets or expected adults to accompany him, she would need to have found a club to accommodate that.

For those of you saying ‘they should ensure the toilets are empty first’. I have some questions -

Should a female member of staff go into a male toilet to do this? Surely that is completely wrong - if a male went into a females toilet we’d all be agreeing it was completely inappropriate.

Secondly - even if the toilets are empty when the child goes in, are you suggesting the member of staff then attempts to stop anyone else going into the toilet? You surely can’t stop people in a leisure centre using the toilet?!

Although I understand the posters concern I don’t see a better solution unless the leisure centre has multiple toilets and are able to close one solely for the use of the holiday club - I’d suspect not though.

One thing I despise and think should become a thing of the past is urinals - just WHY?! They are so smelly, unhygienic and result in situations like this where kids see growing men weeing. It’s really grim. Just have cubicles and wait like women do!

I'm surprised at the comments too - you're not saying all men are a danger but as a parent you expect there to be some element of safeguarding and that's both if you child was going to the men's or ladies toilets.

I'd not be happy and would speak to the club and it may be that they don't have the staffing to deal with this in the way you and I would want and in that case I'd not send him.

Ignore the posters who are saying your ott. Everyone's entitled to their opinion and on this one I agree with you.

School safeguarding lead here. When we take children out on trips and they need to use public toilets, a member of staff makes sure there's no one in there before sending them in. If the male toilets cannot be checked (because there are no male staff) the boys use the womens toilets. This has been standard practice in all the primary schools I've worked in. I think it's reasonable to assume a similar arrangement would be in place for a holiday club that uses a venue open to the public.

I don't think that "all men are paedophiles", obviously. But I also don't see the sense in pretending that there are no potential risks to unaccompanied 7 year olds in public toilets. A parent is entitled to decide for themselves that they are happy to accept that level of risk, based on their own comfort levels and knowledge of their individual child. But staff working with children in a professional capacity would generally be expected to take a more conservative approach. There could be children attending the club who are particularly vulnerable due to additional needs or their lived experience. Current research suggests that 1 in 20 children have experienced sexual abuse, and we know this is likely to be underestimated. So there may well be children attending this club who have good reason to feel uncomfortable sharing a public toilet with an unknown adult with no familiar adult present, but are unable to articulate this.

The comments accusing OP's DS of "staring" at the man's penis are just odd. The fact that he told his Mum he saw it does not mean he was staring at it.

When I stayed near a holiday club, they walked the children in a long handheld chain singing songs, and they all went in together after public had finished. Public weren’t allowed in until dc were out.

So there would be a rush of women heading for the loos as soon as singing dc could be heard as that was your last chance for 15mins 🤣