Page 2 | Holiday club - public toilets

Robynfaith198 · 2025-07-31T06:07:19+00:00

My little one year 2 attends a holiday club with some of his school friends at a leisure centre. They do lots of sports, cake making, bouncy castle etc. He LOVES it! He came home yesterday and said he went to the toilet on his own (lady waited near the main desk whilst he went in the toilet) and he said he had to go in the men’s (he’s used to coming in ladies with me which I understand he likely can’t do that without me there). Anyway he said when he went in there was a man having a wee at the urinal and he saw the man’s Willy whilst he was having a wee. (I obviously asked all the relevant safety questions and all seems fine aside from feels a bit weird when I wouldn’t send him in the men’s alone if we were out and about!) AIBU to think this is a bit wrong at a holiday club considering it’s like public toilets that perhaps the holiday club staff should check nobody is in there? Or wait right outside the toilet? Or let the kids use the disabled toilet? I don’t know if I’m being over the top 😅

myplace · 31/07/2025 09:04

He needs to be using the gents with a safe adult though, as he’s clearly unused to being in there. He’ll need to be in there independently all too soon.

ratty289 · 31/07/2025 09:05

I agree op, this would ring alarm bells for me. But given the location I’m not sure what else they can offer. The female staff can’t go in the men’s.

ratty289 · 31/07/2025 09:05

myplace · 31/07/2025 09:04

When I stayed near a holiday club, they walked the children in a long handheld chain singing songs, and they all went in together after public had finished. Public weren’t allowed in until dc were out.

So there would be a rush of women heading for the loos as soon as singing dc could be heard as that was your last chance for 15mins 🤣

This seems sensible.

Zippidydoodah · 31/07/2025 09:07

I also agree that this is a safeguarding concern, and I would not be happy with it at all. As a teacher, I always made sure the toilets were clear before sending kids in. I guess the problem is that they might not have had any male caregivers to check the men’s toilets.

itsgettingweird · 31/07/2025 09:08

No he shouldn’t use the disabled toilet - he’s 6. Not disabled.

Plus standing outside the door rather than at reception desk won’t change what’s happening behind the door.

The reason your 6yo was so shocked is because he’s not used a mens before. But he’ll get use to it because he’ll be 8 soon enough and won’t be able to come in with you. Has he never seen his dad use the toilet? Most children would have done by 6yo if there dads around so it wouldn’t have been strange for them.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2025 09:09

That’s the answer then I think @neverbeenskiing- for the under 8s, they go in the loos of the sex of the member of staff taking who can open the door and shout in first. (Although that doesn’t stop the peodophile from simply not shouting out ‘yup, peodophile in here’). So if I were the op, I’d mention that at drop off.

but from the other side, my dds friend is doing this as her job this summer. She’s 16, and is now the lead! She’s getting £7.55 per hour. She has been doing it for 2 years, got £5 (or might have been £4!) when she was 14/15. So her team this summer is her, and 3 under 16s. Safe to say, no, they haven’t done a safeguarding course.

K0OLA1D · 31/07/2025 09:09

B1anche · 31/07/2025 07:55

I agree with you OP. But then I have a son of that age, and I'm guessing most of these people responding haven't.

Its not about him being used to using the men's toilets or that 'every man is a paedo'. And why have so many people implied the child must have been staring and the man's penis? OP just said that the child said he saw it.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but I wouldn't want my 7 year old going unaccompanied into the men's toilets.

No. But I have had 2. And I wouldnt have sent him to a holiday club with public toilets if I wasnt happy with him using them.

WonderingWanda · 31/07/2025 09:09

In this situation I think a sensible measure might be to send the children to the toilet in groups.

Helpmeplease2025 · 31/07/2025 09:11

myplace · 31/07/2025 09:04

He needs to be using the gents with a safe adult though, as he’s clearly unused to being in there. He’ll need to be in there independently all too soon.

This, has he never been in a male toilet with his dad?

AhBiscuits · 31/07/2025 09:11

I'm surprised your 7 year old is still using the ladies toilets. Mine has refused for a long time and will go into the men's alone if his dad isn't with us.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2025 09:12

ratty289 · 31/07/2025 09:05

This seems sensible.

Show quote history

I can’t see having to wait 15 minutes to use the facilities would work in my leisure centre, grownups just coming out of a class and needing a wee before they get back to work would not be happy.

Elisheva · 31/07/2025 09:18

They will have a risk assessment in place so ask to see it. You are correct that this is a huge safeguarding risk, as anyone with any training will know, and they should have measures in place to mitigate the risk. Children at a club should not be unsupervised in any areas with members of the public.

TheKeatingFive · 31/07/2025 09:23

neverbeenskiing · 31/07/2025 08:59

School safeguarding lead here. When we take children out on trips and they need to use public toilets, a member of staff makes sure there's no one in there before sending them in. If the male toilets cannot be checked (because there are no male staff) the boys use the womens toilets. This has been standard practice in all the primary schools I've worked in. I think it's reasonable to assume a similar arrangement would be in place for a holiday club that uses a venue open to the public.

I don't think that "all men are paedophiles", obviously. But I also don't see the sense in pretending that there are no potential risks to unaccompanied 7 year olds in public toilets. A parent is entitled to decide for themselves that they are happy to accept that level of risk, based on their own comfort levels and knowledge of their individual child. But staff working with children in a professional capacity would generally be expected to take a more conservative approach. There could be children attending the club who are particularly vulnerable due to additional needs or their lived experience. Current research suggests that 1 in 20 children have experienced sexual abuse, and we know this is likely to be underestimated. So there may well be children attending this club who have good reason to feel uncomfortable sharing a public toilet with an unknown adult with no familiar adult present, but are unable to articulate this.

The comments accusing OP's DS of "staring" at the man's penis are just odd. The fact that he told his Mum he saw it does not mean he was staring at it.

This seems sensible

6 is still very young. I take my 7 year old into the ladies with me still, so I definitely get the OP's concern.

Elisheva · 31/07/2025 09:24

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2025 09:09

That’s the answer then I think @neverbeenskiing- for the under 8s, they go in the loos of the sex of the member of staff taking who can open the door and shout in first. (Although that doesn’t stop the peodophile from simply not shouting out ‘yup, peodophile in here’). So if I were the op, I’d mention that at drop off.

but from the other side, my dds friend is doing this as her job this summer. She’s 16, and is now the lead! She’s getting £7.55 per hour. She has been doing it for 2 years, got £5 (or might have been £4!) when she was 14/15. So her team this summer is her, and 3 under 16s. Safe to say, no, they haven’t done a safeguarding course.

There are no adults at all? Who is responsible for safeguarding if none of them have done any training?

BundleBoogie · 31/07/2025 09:25

simsbustinoutmimi · 31/07/2025 07:13

No, he’s a boy, he’s used to using the boys toilets at school where presumably they have a choice of urinals or cubicles. He has to go in the men’s toilets. He’s year two, so presumably 7 years old?

there is absolutely no issue with other men/teenage boys using the urinals while he’s in there too if they are behaving appropriately. If it bothers him, he can use the cubicle.

disabled toilets are NOT for non-disabled children.

i would also be encouraging him to not stand staring at other guys willies while they wee but maybe that’s just me.

Edited

there is absolutely no issue with other men/teenage boys using the urinals while he’s in there too IF they are behaving appropriately.

That ‘if’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting (my capitalisation). What happens IF the man isn’t behaving appropriately? You do know that men are statistically a risk to children, that is why we have safeguarding.

With every thread like this, there always seems to be people scoffing at the idea of basic safeguarding for children. Yet we know that child sex abuse is devastating for the victim - why not at least try to reduce the risk - the boy is 6.

TheKeatingFive · 31/07/2025 09:26

I expect a lot of holiday club safeguarding protocols are sketchy at best.

Elisheva · 31/07/2025 09:33

Yabberwok · 31/07/2025 07:29

Another thread where every man who used a public toilet is a pedo. What you expected a female children's club manager to make sure the blokes loos are empty. Personally if I am taking a piss and a woman walks in I am making a complaint.

Sorry I know that there are sick bastard's out there but it's an event at a public leisure centre, she waited outside for him (as you will in a couple of years) you need to ask yourself what else could they do.

The point of safeguarding is that we can’t tell who the ‘sick bastards’ are just by looking at them.
And of course not every bloke using a public toilet it a pedo. It only needs to be one of them.

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 09:34

If I was the holiday club person I’d have used the disabled unless there were other single use bathrooms in which case I’d have used that. He should not have been out of sight and hearing of the person in charge, particularly in a public place.

OtterAnimagus · 31/07/2025 09:36

neverbeenskiing · 31/07/2025 08:59

School safeguarding lead here. When we take children out on trips and they need to use public toilets, a member of staff makes sure there's no one in there before sending them in. If the male toilets cannot be checked (because there are no male staff) the boys use the womens toilets. This has been standard practice in all the primary schools I've worked in. I think it's reasonable to assume a similar arrangement would be in place for a holiday club that uses a venue open to the public.

I don't think that "all men are paedophiles", obviously. But I also don't see the sense in pretending that there are no potential risks to unaccompanied 7 year olds in public toilets. A parent is entitled to decide for themselves that they are happy to accept that level of risk, based on their own comfort levels and knowledge of their individual child. But staff working with children in a professional capacity would generally be expected to take a more conservative approach. There could be children attending the club who are particularly vulnerable due to additional needs or their lived experience. Current research suggests that 1 in 20 children have experienced sexual abuse, and we know this is likely to be underestimated. So there may well be children attending this club who have good reason to feel uncomfortable sharing a public toilet with an unknown adult with no familiar adult present, but are unable to articulate this.

The comments accusing OP's DS of "staring" at the man's penis are just odd. The fact that he told his Mum he saw it does not mean he was staring at it.

This is not possible everywhere. Busy public places, teachers can not possibly stop members of the public from using the toilets.

At Alton Towers for example the toilets are large blocks that are always busy and most have 2 doors in and out, this method would be completely unworkable there yet it was full of school trips at the start of the month.

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 09:40

OtterAnimagus · 31/07/2025 09:36

This is not possible everywhere. Busy public places, teachers can not possibly stop members of the public from using the toilets.

At Alton Towers for example the toilets are large blocks that are always busy and most have 2 doors in and out, this method would be completely unworkable there yet it was full of school trips at the start of the month.

Show quote history

Teachers do previsits to risk assess and see what arrangements can be made based on facilities.

Briantheguitargod · 31/07/2025 09:42

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 09:34

If I was the holiday club person I’d have used the disabled unless there were other single use bathrooms in which case I’d have used that. He should not have been out of sight and hearing of the person in charge, particularly in a public place.

unless they are disabled and the op did not say they were, that is wrong.

OhHellolittleone · 31/07/2025 09:43

Briantheguitargod · 31/07/2025 09:42

unless they are disabled and the op did not say they were, that is wrong.

Show quote history

I disagree, I think in some cases it is the best option, unless of course a disabled person is waiting. It’s not illegal to use disabled loos if it’s the best option given your needs - I use them when my buggy won’t fit in the main loos or if I have to take a toddler in with me.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 31/07/2025 09:44

It's not good practice, but I can't think of a workable alternative (apart from a dedicated toilet for the club). I'm a TA and we have a constant stream of children asking to go to the toilet. I imagine it must be similar at a holiday club and a nightmare to manage in a public setting.

I think you need to clarify their protocol and ask for reassurance.

Incidentally, toilet visits and crossing roads are by far the most stressful bits of school trips! 🤯

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2025 09:44

Elisheva · 31/07/2025 09:24

There are no adults at all? Who is responsible for safeguarding if none of them have done any training?

Show quote history

No idea @Elishevaill ask her when I next see her. I think they have an actual adult there on the first day drop off and that’s it.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/07/2025 09:47

TheKeatingFive · 31/07/2025 09:26

I expect a lot of holiday club safeguarding protocols are sketchy at best.

I know I was very privileged to be able to do this, but you are right and it was the major reason I decided to switch from full time to part time so that my dc never had to use them.