AIBU to be put off by SIL's extreme religious views?

[Readytrew]

DH is from another country and we visit his relatives there every couple of years. He’s not religious at all, but a lot of his family are practising Christians (some Catholic, some evangelical). I’ve never had an issue with it each to their own, live and let live.

However, during our last visit, I found myself feeling quite unsettled by SIL. She and her DH (my BIL) are very evangelical, and I was genuinely taken aback by some of the things she said. It honestly felt a bit cultish at times.

At a family wedding, most people were dancing and enjoying the music (Catholics included), but SIL and BIL weren’t. Someone asked why, and SIL said they don’t dance or listen to any music that isn’t explicitly Christian because it’s "against God." It wasn’t just a personal choice, she said it with a kind of moral superiority, like those who do dance or enjoy "secular" music are spiritually inferior.

She’s fervent in her beliefs and, frankly, some of what she said came across as really self-righteous. There were several comments that made it very clear she sees me and DH (we're both atheists) as somehow less-than or spiritually poor. It was all a bit much, very puritanical, very black-and-white thinking.

I’ve always been open-minded about different beliefs, but now I find myself feeling really uncomfortable around her. I used to see her as friendly, but now I just see someone who is a bit fanatical tbh.

AIBU to be put off by this? It’s not the religion itself, I have no issue with people practising their faith, but this just feels… extreme and quite intolerant, if I’m honest. There have been extreme views expressed in past by her too that are anti abortion and anti gay.

I only see her every couple of years so not a huge deal but I'm less inclined to keep I touch on WhatsApp like before now. I also have a DD aged 4 and am worried about her being exposed to some of these extreme views on future visits.

I agree that sounds difficult. She would be a fairly low priority relative for me in your shoes.

I think the no dancing thing just shook me to the core as it's something I love and do as a hobby but they seem to view it as some heathen activity

I find the idea that we need to consider all beliefs equal quite odd. I fully support the right of every individual to hold whatever belief they want and to practice whatever religion they want as long as they do not impose on others. That doesn’t mean I have to think their beliefs are valid. I can even think they are downright crazy. That is my freedom to believe as long as I don’t stop them from being themselves.

You and your SIL are not aligned. Neither of you respects the other’s belief system. You are never going to be best friends and it’s ok to just be distant relatives who make polite chit chat at the occasional larger family gathering.

I think your issue isn't with her beliefs but with her insistence on voicing them.

You are not being unreasonable at all. To each his own, but if she wants to get preachy or judgmental, you have good reason to distance yourself. I would definitely distance your child from her until your DD is old enough to understand that your SIL has rigid views that differ from the values you are teaching her.

Yes we're never going to be bosom buddies but I used to make an effort with video calls and regular messages etc but now I just can't face it

I’m Irish Catholic … we love a drink & a dance …

They sound like Fundamentalist .. what branch of Christianity are they aligned to ?

She probably thinks you’re going to hell. Most of my relatives think that about me. It’s a shocking belief system and it seeps into society and politics, hence the rise of the far right. Or at least one of the reasons for the rise.

Bonkers.
Im Catholic and usually the first on the dancefloor.
Is she Opus Dei?

Not quite sure what it's called but some sort of evangelical branch. I was brought up Catholic myself and am familiar with Christian teachings etc but this feels a bit more on the extreme fundamentalist side. She gave up a good job due to trad-wife style thinking which is supposedly in line with the bible

It's not Opus Dei as its evangelical but same sort of cult-like thinking

Yes she does. Another evangelical family member thinks the same and once rang DH crying about his soul

It felt a bit cultish because it's very culty.

To be fair, with the dancing thing, she was asked a question and she responded honestly. She might not have said anything about it if she wasn't asked.

I'd be firmly viewing her as a nut job and steering clear.

I felt this way about an evangelical friend before I became a Christian myself. I now totally understand and agree with her Biblical worldview.

She sounds rather rude, I also hate the moral superiority.

I am actually Muslim but have family who are Christian and also a cousin who's partner is an atheist.
We all enjoy time together and understand religion is a personal relationship / journey so it's not debated or preached to eachother.

I have even been offered wine by a relative who wanted to know if I would like to try it - a simple "no but thank you" was enough and we got on with our lovely dinner.

I think someone should tell her she's ruining the ambience and needs to keep the preaching type comments to herself - she's probably making everyone else uncomfortable as well

She sounds like a bit of a dick really.

Fine to believe whatever she wants, but not fine to make others feel uncomfortable.

The problem is that many religions aren't open to other beliefs (or none) because they do think they're 'better'. There's a reward for practicing and a penalty for not practicing. If you think/believe that you have all the answers, why would you not share? It's why I am a heathen.

Get her to watch Footloose, that'll get her toes tapping.

Tell her that David danced with joy before the Lord.

If God's anointed King of Israel and ancestor of Jesus dances for joy, who on earth does she think she is?!

I agree with PP, she was asked a question and she answered. I wouldn't give it any more thought.

It sounds to me as if you feel judged inferior by her and are judging her right back because you feel insecure around her. I'd carry on as before. Why give power to someone whose views you do not share or respect? If you only have to see her every couple of years she can't have a huge impact on you or your daughter so why make a big deal out of it.

If you believe in live and let live don't allow her behaviour to make you less tolerant.

I would consider her beliefs bordering on lunacy tbh so pay her no heed really. She sounds incredibly sanctimonious and annoyingly.

It sounds like extreme fundamentalism and the moral superiority is irritating and actually not very Christian. If you only see her every couple of years she isn’t going to have influence on your child. I would just make less effort to keep in touch. If she sends you a message reply politely and be civil when you actually see her at an event. Otherwise keep your distance. If she overtly tries to discuss her beliefs with you just say that you’re better keeping off the topic but mostly ignore and don’t react.

She's pretty much the opposite of Opus Dei if she's evangelical.

It’s not her religion that’s bothering you, but her superior self righteous and judgy attitude. Some people aren’t nice, regardless of their religion. If she were not religious she’d find another way to justify her nasty attitude. It’s not the religion that’s the problem.

I have a couple of close friends who are evangelical Christians. I’m an atheist but was raised Protestant. If there’s ever an issue of something they can’t join in with they will always give an explanation that it’s just about what they feel is right for them with respect to their religion, I’ve never heard a whisper of judgement of other people making different decisions to them. In fact, judging other is very non-Christian in my understanding of it.