Was this man in supermarket being unreasonable?

[Ididntaskyou]

I went to the supermarket today with my 10 year old.

I want to be very clear before I’m accused of drip feeding or being a menace in the shops. Ds is a very calm, quiet and well behaved child. He doesn’t mess around running riot in shops. We were doing the self scan and I was letting ds push the trolley and we were scanning things together.

Ds accidentally got in someone’s way with the trolley. I would actually say that he wasn’t so much in the way, a supermarket worker was pushing one of those huge carts with stock and was dashing around with it. Ds was a bit slow to react and I told him to watch out the way. At the same time a man with a basket was walking by.

It wasn’t even ds fault, more a case of supermarket worker, ds with our trolley and shopper man all in the same place. But in the interest of good manners I told to mind out the way. Which he did, but being a child he was a bit slow and I had to sort of direct him out of the way.

At which point shopper man decided to snap at ds to look where he’s going with THAT trolley.

Really got on my nerves. He wouldn’t have spoken to an adult like that or to a man. Adults are a pita with their trolleys all day so don’t snap at a child.

Same as many elderly people who stand about like zombies in a supermarket taking up space and reacting at a snail's pace but surely we dont go around acting like assholes to them

Now you’re just being ridiculous.

Do you go round shouting at 10 year old children shopping with their mum?

No, I actually go out of my way to avoid them as much as possible.

If you genuinely felt that, you wouldn't have told him to get out of the way yourself.

Some people just don't like children, want someone else to blame things on, assume others are slwsys at fault or just don't like other people.

If it had bern someone else instead of your son, he may well have blamed them too.

I was in Tesco once and used the handheld scanner, but hadn't used it many times before. ( normally shop in Sainsbury's because it is closer so was more used to their scanners).

My daughter scanned an item of clothing and pressed a bit too hard so it was scanned twice. I tried to remove it, but pressed the wrong button and it scanned it again instead.

Asked a member of staff how to remove the two I didn't want. Made the mistake of saying my daughter scanned it twice by mistake, and she proceeded to tell my daughter (probably about 10 or 11 st the time) that it wasn't a toy to be played with. She looked at her instead of me and her tone was definitely that she was telling her off.

I responded to tell her that she wasn't playing with it, but the button was more sensitive than the one we had used previously and so accidentally it registered twice when she scanned it. It was me that scanned it a third time, which is why I was asking for advice.

As far as I am conderned my daughter wasn't misbehaving, doing anything dangerous or causing a nuisance. If she had been and I wasn't paying attention or dealing with the issue then fair enough.
She was stood next to me, and I was holding the scanner and approached the member of staff, so if she felt she needed to say something, it should have been said to me not my daughter.

Mentioned it to a member if staff at the till ( i think she was taking the security tag off and asked how things were - just general conversation). She said not to worry, it was that member of staff, then told a colleague what had happened. They seemed pleased I had told her that it wasn't my daughter's fault.
The staff member had a reputation for the way in which she spoke to people - staff and customers.

While I agree that the man was rude and a dick, I don't actually agree with the whole 'angry man' angle. Rude people come in both sexes and both sexes can be tasty and impatient towards kids.

Well you’re wrong. I always give way for people.

Whether in the shops, on the pavement, I stop to hold doors for people. It’s called being courteous and having good manners.

I have taught my children the same. Some people have bad manners and think they have right of way.

I’ve already explained what happened.

To be honest, even if ds was in the way. Doesn’t mean anyone should go round snapping.

People get in my way in the shops all the time but I have self control.

I would have said something to him and given him a piece of my mind I would not like to hear somebody speak to my child like that especially in front of me and when it wasn’t deserved, I don’t care if you’ve had a bad day. I don’t care if you’re an older person with less patience or whatever the reason you don’t get to treat people like shit and get away with it too many people pay a blind eye to these sorts of things and it’s time we started calling it out , maybe next time he would’ve thought better we all have bad days no excuse to treat somebody like crap
I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve been spoken to in a horrible way by people for absolutely no reason at all just because I look kind

It’s like some people just assume that because it’s a child they must be playing up or in the wrong.

It’s the injustice of someone telling off your child when they are being sensible.

You can see by a lot of the replies some people have zero tolerance of children and assume they are messing around.

No it's not. It's not good manners to tell your child to move and watch out if you feel they aren't even in the way and other people have crowded their space. That's people pleasing at the expense of the one person you're meant to care most about.

The point clearly flew right on over your head. The commenter I was replying to made it very clear that they felt it was the OP's fault aka the woman/mother of the DS. HTH.

It didn't. I knew exactly what you were saying.

The man was a miserable arse.

I’m not sure why you feel the need to say the person I’m supposed to care the most about.

I was giving way to a supermarket worker coming through with a large cart.

Maybe next time I should say “stop supermarket worker, we were here first, and I care about ds the most”.

We were going round the corner anyway. The man just needed to have a moments patience.

And yet, here you are.

Yeah, it sounds like a non-issue and snapping is a bit of a miserable response BUT children pushing trolleys is irritating and potentially dangerous. I get it - my DS loves pushing the trolley too and it is a PITA managing that without sulking, but smashing into someone’s heels is worse than sulking.

But ds wasn’t sulking or smashing the trolley into anyone’s heels.

I’ve explained very clearly, several times, that ds was being quite sensible and calm and I was closely supervising.

He’s 10 not a toddler.

To be fair you have absolutely no idea if he would have snapped at an adult as well, that is just an assumption you are making, he could be grumpy with everyone.

To be honest, some people not all are far less tolerant of children these days. There’s a real lack of patience. The number of times people walk straight in front of trolleys, expect to be first for everything, or push past without letting you even look properly is shocking.

If you’re with children, they’re often expected to behave like little adults. And if a child has a hidden disability and behaves differently, the looks you get can be incredibly judgmental.

To be honest, some people not all are far less tolerant of children these days. There’s a real lack of patience. The number of times people walk straight in front of trolleys, expect to be first for everything, or push past without letting you even look properly is shocking.

I can remember people doing that to me and other children more than forty years ago.

Just let it go.

In life, we all experience events where we know we're in the right but someone takes offence.

Tomorrow is another day. Move on.

I agree with you OP!!!! I get really annoyed by this sort of thing!

Absolute non issue.
You have your perspective, the fella will have his and they don't quite line up.
Fuss over nothing and I would have forgotten about it by the time I got to the checkout

Perhaps the man was running on empty and your child pissed him off?

You’re right.

Thanks for all the replies and those who have believed me that ds wasn’t playing up or being a pita.

It has made me laugh those who’ve said it’s a non event.

Sometimes you just have those moments where you wish you’d had a good comeback.