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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone awake to help me with this awful dilemma regarding poorly cat?

62 replies

pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:02

I do have another thread. I am in pieces and don't know what to do. Previously healthy 10 year old cat became very sick with panting and lethargy yesterday evening. Just heard from the emergency vet who admitted him that he has lots of masses and consolidation on his lungs, pneumonia and the prognosis is guarded. Pts was mentioned yesterday as soon as I took him in but I wanted some tests, of course.

I am supposed to pick him up at around 7.30 to take him straight to my normal vet for referrals, maybe to be admitted there etc. I am supposed to be at work. I'm a teacher and it's my last day, so looks ridiculous to be off as we have all moaned about breaking up so late. I'm also in a senior role with colleagues I am close to finishing and I have the gifts here with me still. Work is half an hour away and we finish at 1. If the vet seems me straight away I suppose I can be there for 10ish, but that's an if. And I'll be in trouble with the head.

I'm going on holiday with my two dc for 2 weeks today to USA - flight tomorrow from SE so we leave tonight for overnight airport hotel. Absolutely can't cancel - would lose pretty much all of the money and massively disappoint dc, one of whom is not an animal lover.

There is no one close to me to deal with this in my absence. Mum is 3 hours away, friends - no one close enough to deal with this. Ex has agreed to look after the poorly cat (normally just use a cat sitter) for ds's sake, but he's not an animal lover. The thought of trying to deal with this long distance and him making costly health decisions about my cat from across the Atlantic makes me feel sick.

I just don't know what to do. I can't deal with this. Please help.

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 29/07/2025 05:10

I am really sorry. From what you say, the prognosis is indeed very poor. I think you may need to prepare to let him go.

I would ensure that your cat is admitted at his usual vets and agree on a plan, which should include euthanasia if the vet considers it appropriate.

See if the vet agrees to connect with you on WhatsApp or by email.

If you are late for school, so be it.

FancyCatSlave · 29/07/2025 05:10

I am a huge cat person, there’s not a chance I’d be trying to treat this and would let the cat go.
10 is no age BUT I wouldn’t put any age cat through invasive treatment. I’ve lost young ones and old ones but I think often pts is the best choice.

I’m sorry.

tipsyraven · 29/07/2025 05:11

I agree with the above posts.

Eastendboysandwestendgirls · 29/07/2025 05:11

Why will it take you 2.5 hours between collecting your cat and getting to work? Do you live far from all places?
If you can't leave the cat until 1 at the EV, take the cat to your vet, get to work asap. Get through that, leave immediately and go see cat/speak to vet/finish packing. You won't be able to sit in your vets for 3 hours so may as well go to work.
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I had to get my beloved girl pts a few years ago. The vet said that when they show you they are ill, they are really unwell. Always better a day too soon than a day too late - if he's that poorly, do what's best for him Flowers

BenWhishawsBottom · 29/07/2025 05:14

Take it one step at a time. Take him to your own vet in the morning. It doesn’t sound good but if that’s what the emergency vet has advised, that’s what’s best.
Once he’s there you’ll know more and your own vet will be able to advise. Is he insured?
I’m so sorry. It’s awful when animals are sick.

TenThousandSpoons · 29/07/2025 05:14

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Firstly you need to take him to your vet first thing and tell school you’ll be late in or not at all -they will just have to deal with it.
Depending what your own vet says will then help with the very hard decision about pts but I would lean towards preparing yourself that it might be his time if the emergency vet suggested it last night and there are masses on his lungs. It would be better for him to be out of pain and with you there with him to comfort him before pts. Sending hugs and best wishes.

Original poster
pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:16

Thanks everyone. It sounds horrible but I would rather pts now and be able to say goodbye, and for d2 to be able to say goodbye, rather than be dealing with phone calls and ds2 becoming more heartbroken and not knowing properly what's happening when we're away. But that seems to be treating my lovely cat as an object/disposable and I honestly don't seem him that way at all. I really don't.

OP posts:
CsTheDay · 29/07/2025 05:17

Imo school and your holiday are irrelevant. Your cat’s health he has lots of masses and consolidation on his lungs, pneumonia and the prognosis is guarded would make me revisit yesterday’s conversation about PTS. Be steered by the vet who’s likely to use that telling word “stoic”. Yes, I’ve been where you are sadly. It’s heartbreaking.

Stripeysockspots · 29/07/2025 05:20

I would be telling the emergency vet to pts. It's kinder for the cat.

Enrichetta · 29/07/2025 05:21

No no no, @pinotnow - please don’t feel this way!!

You will be doing the very best you can do for him: a good death.

Remember that cats have no sense of a future, no bucket list of things they want to do before they go.

He will have had a good life - 10 years of being a treasured cat and being loved.

If his condition is as bad as it seems to be, do this for him 💐

blubberball · 29/07/2025 05:22

So sorry you're going through this. As an animal person, I understand your pain and distress. Sounds like pts would be the kindest thing you could do. I'm so sorry 💐

BakeItTilIMakeIt · 29/07/2025 05:24

Oh @pinotnow I'm so sorry.

this was me a few years ago, although I had a DH who was at home. I agonised about going, and went, which was the right thing to do in all sorts of ways, but honestly, I wish I’d made the decision before going. Our cat went downhill v fast after I left and I would rather have been with him to give him his last hug than be dealing with the inevitable decision via WhatsApp. Agree with other pps - get him to the vet asap but I would lean towards letting him go now, when you can all be with him to say goodbye 💐

Aoppley · 29/07/2025 05:25

There's absolutely no way I'd be putting a cat that poorly through lots of tests. Sadly the best for him is to be put to sleep.

Arrange this with your vet in the morning, get children to say goodbye and miss work if you have to.

Original poster
pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:30

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm heartbroken. Thee seemed to be nothing wrong with him - he was his usual self and then suddenly this.

Do you think I should ask the emergency vet to pts rather than moving him? Maybe I should ring and discuss that with him. I don't want to cause my cat more distress for n good reason.

OP posts:
RappelChoan · 29/07/2025 05:32

I’m so sorry. The kindest thing for your beloved cat, is to put them to sleep. The timing is just the timing, you can’t do anything about it.

RappelChoan · 29/07/2025 05:33

pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:30

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm heartbroken. Thee seemed to be nothing wrong with him - he was his usual self and then suddenly this.

Do you think I should ask the emergency vet to pts rather than moving him? Maybe I should ring and discuss that with him. I don't want to cause my cat more distress for n good reason.

Personally I would. It sounds like the least stressful thing for him.

Enrichetta · 29/07/2025 05:34

If the emergency vet can do it, absolutely.

doubleornothing · 29/07/2025 05:37

So sorry you're going through this. We had similar with our dog last year she was fine just a bit lethargic but turns out she had multiple masses.
It was heartbreaking for us to loose her so quickly but the kindest thing for her was to be pts.
I'd ring the emergency vets and discuss options rather than moving.

elessar · 29/07/2025 05:40

pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:30

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm heartbroken. Thee seemed to be nothing wrong with him - he was his usual self and then suddenly this.

Do you think I should ask the emergency vet to pts rather than moving him? Maybe I should ring and discuss that with him. I don't want to cause my cat more distress for n good reason.

You could discuss this with them but personally unless they clearly recommend this option I’d want to get him to your normal vets and have the chance to discuss this properly in daylight hours.

sod being late for work, they’ll just have to deal with it - this is important.

being PTS is not a bad outcome for your cat but you don’t want to rush into making this decision that cannot be reversed. I would get him to your normal vets and then have a sensible conversation about the options and prognosis so you can make the decision with the right amount of information.

vets are obliged to give you all the options but they will also normally be pragmatic and tell you straight if they think the outcome is likely not to be a good one even if you go through all the tests and treatment. And if so you can let him go without guilt - personally I would want to be there with him.

If your vets suggest that it could be something very treatable from which he could make a full recovery, that’s a more difficult decision. But it doesn’t sound like that’s likely.

Wishing you all the best for dealing with this heartbreaking situation.

BakeItTilIMakeIt · 29/07/2025 05:41

pinotnow · 29/07/2025 05:30

Thank you all for being so kind, I'm heartbroken. Thee seemed to be nothing wrong with him - he was his usual self and then suddenly this.

Do you think I should ask the emergency vet to pts rather than moving him? Maybe I should ring and discuss that with him. I don't want to cause my cat more distress for n good reason.

I would, yes - or at least ask the EV what they would recommend. looking back, that’s what I wish I’d done with ours. I don’t realise how much cats mask and often, by the time they’re showing there’s a problem, it’s much more serious than we realise. I think what they care most about is dignity and giving them dignity in death, and not prolonging it, is one of the greatest things we can give them.

Original poster
pinotnow · 29/07/2025 06:00

Just spoke to the vet and he said there was a very small chance of a positive outcome but far more likely that he will deteriorate further while we are away. He said cats don't like being treated/hospitalised and it is a kind decision to pts. So we will be going in around an hour. Poor boy - to think he must have been feeling unwell and masking is horrifying. He is such a big character. It will be so quiet without him.

OP posts:
ThePerkyEagle · 29/07/2025 06:16

pinotnow · 29/07/2025 06:00

Just spoke to the vet and he said there was a very small chance of a positive outcome but far more likely that he will deteriorate further while we are away. He said cats don't like being treated/hospitalised and it is a kind decision to pts. So we will be going in around an hour. Poor boy - to think he must have been feeling unwell and masking is horrifying. He is such a big character. It will be so quiet without him.

I’m so sorry you’re having to say goodbye to your boy. I agree with other posters, and the vet, that it’s likely that he’ll deteriorate quickly and potentially be in discomfort from this too. Being with him while he’s pts would be the best thing for him but also for you so you’re able to say goodbye.
Thinking of you 💔.

tripleginandtonic · 29/07/2025 06:19

I thinknyour cat may well need to be put to sleep. I didn't let go of mine when I could have and their final year they just weren't the same cat.
.

BakeItTilIMakeIt · 29/07/2025 06:22

Thinking of you @pinotnow 💜

Talipesmum · 29/07/2025 06:27

I’m so sorry. You are doing absolutely the right thing. Cats disguise how they are feeling so much and so when it shows up they are often so far gone and it’s a huge shock to us.
Much love and thoughts to you all xxxx

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