Should his girlfriend pay rent?

[bluedelphiniums]

My son is hoping to buy his first house, and to move into it with his girlfriend. They split up for a few weeks last summer but are back together now and seem happy. The reason I mention that is because I have advised him not to get into a shared mortgage with someone if there's any prospect of their relationship not lasting, as it complicates things. He earns quite a lot more than her, but is stretching himself financially to get the mortgage he needs to pay for the right house which he views as a longterm investment. I asked him if she was going to pay rent and he said he thought she'd just say, if she has to pay rent then she might just as well put herself on the mortgage and buy the house with him. Is it unreasonable to expect her to pay her own way? She is currently paying monthly rent, same as him, at the house they live at. I don't think she should be expecting to pay nothing and effectively to live for free. Does anyone have experience of this situation with their own children? TIA.

He needs to involve a solicitor and have a legal agreement in place clearly stating that she does not have an ownership stake in the house and how much rent she will pay and share of bills and how any increases in rent will be calculated.

It's increasingly common for people to protect their property legally because it's such a huge investment. Statistically a relationship is more likely to break up than stay together so protect your assets.

tbh it is better if she does not pay rent. If she does, and they split, she could potentially have a claim in that she’s paid towards it. It would be better if she paid the food bill or gas and electric etc but not directly rent towards the mortgage. She could argue that she’s paid into the house and make a claim.

Whether or not she pays rent is between them to determine. Fairness depends on a whole load of factors we don't have access to.

Whether or not she pays rent, there needs to be a clear, written, witnessed agreement that she has no claim to the house. No right to stay there if he asks her to leave, no right to any equity in it. If she pays rent, without this agreement, she could argue she contributed financially to the property and is entitled to some of it. If she doesn't pay rent, without this agreement, she could argue he's been financially supporting her and is entitled to on-going relief/support.

I'd rent it out, and rent somewhere else with her myself. Saves any of that messiness!

If he’s old enough to buy his own house he’s old enough to decide if he wants his girlfriend to pay rent or not

She shouldn’t be living their rent free. But he need to document it’s rent she is paying and she isn’t contributing to his mortgage.

Id give her a tenancy agreement.

I think if she were my daughter I’d wonder why her boyfriend would want to profit from having a girlfriend, charging her to build an asset for himself rather than treating her as a partner. He should absolutely protect his deposit but I think it’s a bit harsh if they are in a serious relationship to not put her on the mortgage. Ultimately she could be your future DIL and she won’t forget if this is the kind of advice you’ve given your son. I’d let him decide for himself how to proceed if I were you.

And what if he were your son? Would you want his girlfriend to profit from having a boyfriend - because not paying rent, getting a house you haven't paid for or getting cheaper living because your boyfriend has money is "profiting" from having a boyfriend.

We all want what's best for our child. We'd all love our daughters to be given free houses. That doesn't mean it's fair and it's certainly not normal to expect OP prioritise the girlfriend over her own DS.

Maybe DIL wouldn't forgive OP for prioritising her own DS when giving advice but maybe the DS wouldn't forgive her if OP gave him bad advice to prioritise his girlfriend instead of her own child. I'd be furious if I got burned because my own mother gave me advice that benefitted DH and not me.

So he pays the mortgage and she pays him rent you mean?
No i don't think that's fair actually. She's his partner not a lodger. She's right that if she is to pay then she should be on the mortgage too. Otherwise she is helping him pay for a house she doesn't own.. will she have her own bedroom like a lodger?
I don't think that set up works tbh.
Hed have to pay the same amount of mortgage were she there or not. And he will own the house at the end of it not her.
He's not her landlord.
Obviously she should pay for half of all expenses like food and bills.
But I do think it's wrong to take rent off a romantic partner if it's going on a mortgage.

You never know if a relationship is going to last though. It could last a year, or five years, or twenty years, or forever.
I don't think the relationship will last if they want to stay together but she is never on the mortgage and just pays rent. It will just be a trigger for arguments. But you can ring fence deposits.
I have a son old enough to buy a house and I would not advise him to charge his girlfriend rent.

Paying rent does not mean she has a claim on the house if it’s in his name…I speak as someone who knows!
It would require a lengthy court battle on her behalf and she would likely lose.

One option.

He pays the mortgage. They split the bills. She pays him something towards the interest on the mortgage to recognise that she’s getting a benefit from it. She then puts what would have been the rent payment into her own savings account.

They’re both building assets in their own names, him through paying off the mortgage her through building cash savings. They’re both contributing to the mortgage interest so there’s no free loading.
They split the rest of the bills. There’s no hard feelings about him gaining equity at her cost, or her gaining from him as everyone is in similar position.

When I moved in with my boyfriend (now DH), we agreed that he would continue to pay his mortgage as it was his property, and I'd pay 50% bills/food. Then we agreed that I'd save what I wasn't paying towards a roof, and those savings would be used towards a deposit on a family home once we got married.

Worked out well for us.

For transparency, I also owned my own property which I had moved out of (and then let) to move in with him. At that time though I was making a loss on that due to the market at the time, so I did have to top up my mortgage payment & maintenance with my salary.

Yup, a proper agreement needed. He can charge her mates rates but it needs to be clear what she is and isn’t paying towards.

This sounds like a great compromise.

How do you think people learn? Either by fucking up or by getting advice

Property ownership is too big an issue to fuck up on if you are lucky enough to have people to advise you

I have daughters, and I would strongly advise them against staying in a relationship where their "partner" asks them to pay towards an asset they will never own, not to mention the risk of them becoming suddenly homeless if their partner cheats.

She either goes on the mortgage, or they live separately; anything else would be madness on her part, even living there for free leaves her at risk of becoming homeless.

The issue here to me is that you say he has to stretch to buy the property he wants. So it sounds like he can’t do it without her contributing. Essentially then he is using her to build up his own assets.

i would feel differently if he was buying a property he could comfortably afford on his own. But right now I don’t really like your son and his attitude towards someone he calls his partner and I think she should live separately and focus on building up her own assets.

I don't think she should be expected to pay rent when she has no rights over the property. Paying her share of all over bills if fine but I don't think she should be paying towards the mortgage if she isn't going to be named on it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your son contributed to his partners mortgage then the relationship ended and your son walked away with nothing? Not even the legal notice period landlords have to give.

I wouldn’t be paying rent to him unless he was going to also give me an interest in the asset if I was her. And if I was him and I wanted to protect my asset I wouldn’t take a single penny of rent from her so that she can never make a claim on the house.

I would tell him that nobody should live rent free. It's completely unfair that she should move in and just pay half the bills. If he thinks she'd rebel and rent her own place if he suggested she paid rent, then that tells him everything about how she sees their relationship.

Personally I think he should rent a room to a friend rather than get mixed up in having a girlfriend live there with him.

LOL. You can dislike my son all you like - athough I wasn't aware you knew him? She is pushing him to buy this house as she loves it, but he is concerned it's going to be too much of a financial stretch. My gut reaction to hearing that was...why should she live rent free (not a normal position for any earning twenty something to be in) when he is taking the financial hit. I didn't see it as her 'paying off his assets', as PPs have suggested, more that they want to live together, he wants to invest in a property and therefore it seems only fair that she should contribute to the cost of the house. I too have a daughter and I wouldn't expect her boyfriend to provide her with a rent free house when they're both trying to build up their life financially.

Your son does have a point, if she's paying rent, he may as well buy the property with her and have her on the mortgage. Also, by paying rent, she could go for a claim on this asset if they split up. It's actually better financially for your son if she does not contribute towards HIS mortgage. Also, I don't mean this to sound harsh, but it's not really your business, and your son does sound sensible. Do you not like his girlfriend? @bluedelphiniums

I posted my own experience with this above, (I was the GF who moved in). I think if you push this, you'll only push them into a shared mortgage (if they pay any heed to your interference).

That’s great- but if she’s contributing then she has a claim on his house. And your whole argument against her going on the mortgage was to protect the asset, so… which is it?