Should his girlfriend pay rent?

[bluedelphiniums]

My son is hoping to buy his first house, and to move into it with his girlfriend. They split up for a few weeks last summer but are back together now and seem happy. The reason I mention that is because I have advised him not to get into a shared mortgage with someone if there's any prospect of their relationship not lasting, as it complicates things. He earns quite a lot more than her, but is stretching himself financially to get the mortgage he needs to pay for the right house which he views as a longterm investment. I asked him if she was going to pay rent and he said he thought she'd just say, if she has to pay rent then she might just as well put herself on the mortgage and buy the house with him. Is it unreasonable to expect her to pay her own way? She is currently paying monthly rent, same as him, at the house they live at. I don't think she should be expecting to pay nothing and effectively to live for free. Does anyone have experience of this situation with their own children? TIA.

I was in girlfriend’s position when I was younger.

I said to my then boyfriend, fine buy the house on your own but I’m not going to move in and pay you rent. To me it seemed like an unequal relationship. I was happy for him to go ahead but I wasn’t going to move in with him.

After a short period of time - maybe a year or two - we then got engaged, and I was also in a position by that time to buy a house with him. We did end up getting divorced many years later but honestly I wonder whether, if I hadn’t said that, I might have ended up as one of those women you see on here who spends years paying into a boyfriend’s mortgage, having kids, and then ending up with nothing when they split.

I cross posted, so hadn't read this before my last comment. If this is actually the case then, really they should get a joint mortgage, OR your son should tell his GF he cannot afford to over leverage himself buying a house that she wants.

My son is hoping to buy his first house, and to move into it with his girlfriend.

Why? If he wants to buy a house on his own, he should do that but if he also wants to live with his girlfriend it would be better for him then to either treat the house as an investment and stay where they are, move into another rental, or live separately. If he wants to buy a house with a partner, but doesn't feel satisfied that she is the right person, then perhaps the relationship has run its course. It sounds like their needs right now are incompatible; whether they rent or buy or some combo, he can afford and wants to pay significantly more than she can. They need to decide together what to do; it's not really up to anyone else. And there's always a possibility that a relationship won't last; by your logic there would never be a shared mortgage.

And OP has given him advice, it’s now up to him what he decides to do

If it were my son I’d say exactly the same thing. Protect your deposit absolutely, but if it’s to be your girlfriend’s home and you see a future together then treat her as a partner, not a lodger, and if you can’t do that then she’s probably not the right one for you.

It’s not really anything to do with you, your son isn’t losing out by paying the mortgage of his own home.

I don’t think anyone has suggested the OP sedate him and force an intervention.

Maybe he should just buy a smaller house, so he can afford it on his own

He shouldn’t buy somewhere that is a stretch just for him because even though yes if they split he can make her leave if they split she can just go and leave and leave him with a mortgage

personally in these situations I recommend separate legal and financial advice and advice together

She could not the groceries or something else?

I never said anyone suggested an intervention? That literally makes no sense.

Exactly this its such a vulnerable position for her to be in.

Does she get her own room and will be viewed as a tenant?

I don’t get paying my partner rent. I would prefer to live separately.

He would be better to buy something that isn't such a stretch for him and renting it out. Them renting a place with his GF. That way she has no interest in his property and they both have equal rights and liability on the rental property. Although, he does need to make sure he has landlord insurance.

If he wants to proceed he needs a cohabitation agreement. I think it's reasonable for her to pay a share of the bills, food, utilities etc. However, I don't think she should pay for repairs, matainance etc. She shouldn't live for free but it certainly shouldn't be 50:50 because she doesn't have a financial interest in the property. I also think she should be protected I. Eventually over a split so he can't kick her out straight away and needs to give her notice.

He shouldn’t buy a house that he can’t afford to pay the mortgage on completely alone. If they split she could claim that the only way he managed that mortgage was because she paid for it with him.
I would also say that you sound very overly involved in your son’s relationship and private agreements between him and his girlfriend.

My ds is in a very similar situation at the moment. He's bought a two bedroom house with the intention of getting a lodger but now it looks like his girlfriend is moving in (once she finds a job in the area).

I don't think it's fair that she gets completely free housing (and he will be tight for money without a proper lodger) so I think he's going to suggest a very very cheap rent, perhaps half the going rate, so they both gain from her living there.

I don't actually believe she would have a claim on the house and the relationship may not last as they're only 19 so it seems ridiculous to put her on the mortgage.

If they are together for let’s say ten years and they split up then she could have a claim towards the house.

Buying a cheaper house is fair enough. Who knows what interest rates will do?

I was in your sons position. My now ex saved no money to help with deposit, fees, furniture etc. We split everything in half. I am with you in i dont think he should have got to live rent free because I bought the house. If we decided to rent from someone else this would be no different in my eyes. I would make sure all bills are in his name, this has been a massive ball ache for me as my ex did things without me knowing and put stuff in his name. He moved out with the only things that belongs to him... his clothes.

I believe the information of if she pays rent she would have a claim is incorrect, you have no claim if you are renting. The only claim she would have would be if she could prove she helped towards something drastic, ie new kitchen/roof etc not decorating.

This isn't true. You can't claim back rent. She could claim for any maintenance/home improvements if she can prove she paid for it. This wouldn't include general decorating

Do you have children? Do you ever give them advice? I still ask my mum for advice from time to time and I'm in my 50s. He's asked my opinion on what he should do, so as a parent, I'm trying to help him and to reach a balanced view - hence why I've posted on MN to seek people's viewpoints/experience. 🙄

Of course she has to pay some rent, maybe not the full amount but she cannot expect to live rent free for the foreseeable future.

For those saying that she should be included on the mortgage, my question would be how much of the deposit did she pay. None i presume going off the OPs post.

Also as others have said an agreement needs to be drawn up protecting your son and his property.

I'd be interested to see the responses if the boot was on the other foot. ie. The girlfriend is buying a property and the man is hoping to move in rent free. I'll bet he'd be accused of being a cock lodger, exploiting her and not paying his way etc.

Not if he's paying half of all the bills/food, contributing to the housework, and saving for a deposit on their next home together.

You come across like you really dislike your son's girlfriend, you may want to reconsider how you behave if you want contact with any future grandchildren.

That is the most insane advice ever.

Do not ever use the word tenant unless you want to officially become a landlord..
...which very feew people do.

Tenants have a lot of right, and I guarantee the OPs son is not looking to get into this situation