To not see the practical point of getting married?

[Queenofswords88]

My partner and I are in our thirties. We’ve been together many years and own a house together. We’re also hoping to have a baby together (currently going through fertility issues / treatment).

We’ve talked about marriage plenty of times and he’s always made it clear that he would marry me in a heartbeat if it’s something I wanted to do, but it’s not something he cares about enough to push for. I’m not convinced marriage is for me, for various reasons including expense/stress of a wedding and a feeling that the institution is outdated/anti-feminist.

My partner works full time in a good job. I earn significantly more than him even though I work part time in a flexible role which would accommodate having a child. I have more in savings, pension and investments and more equity in the house we share.

I hear a lot of blanket advice, especially on Mumsnet, about it being essential to get married before having a child. In my circumstances, I can’t think of a single practical reason why that’s the case. AIBU?

We aren't married and I agree with you that I don't really see the point practically. We earn about the same, we have wills sorting out joint property and the only benefit would be inheritance tax but not an issue on our joint assets and I am leaving my other assets directly to my kids and have life insurance to cover the tax. I guess the decisions on care in case of accident would be one other thing but I think we get along well enough with each others family that I can't imagine this being an issue

I haven't read all the comments so apologies if this is already covered. One thing to note is that without being married to register the father on the birth certificate the mother needs to "present" him at the registry office. Without that he cannot be registered. In the unlikely event that something went wrong with the birth it would be a legal nightmare. This happened to someone I know and the father at one of the worst times of his life had to go through legal procedures (and ultimately adoption) to be seen as the legal father of his own child.

@Queenofswords88 this is what you would need to clarify. Re next of kin. If you fell ill and did not stipulate your partner as the one to make decisions, that could then fall to your parents to decide on medical issues if you are unable too. So maybe need to get legal advice. My siblings and I officially became my dad's next of kin when he fell ill, even though he had a partner of sorts. We were the ones the Dr's contacted when needing to discuss treatment and next stages. And then we were responsible for all the legal stuff re wills and funerals when he died.

I know what you mean about marriage - I've always really hated being a 'wife' with everything that symbolises. However, I agree with other people that marriage offers both partners valuable protections in the case of death or divorce and I think it becomes even more important if you have a family in the future. Why not just have a civil partnership? This covers all of the legalities without having to navigate the fuss and usual wedding-related wank.

I do not see it like that.
So, I am the only earner in my household at present. My worry is that anything should happen to me, in which situation will I leave my family. So, as I am married, my partner and child have the best legal cover I can offer. Both by marriage, birth and by being named as benefitiaries in my assets. So that gives me peace of mind.
If I were the one with lesser income, it would be the other way around.
In case of divorce, we are both covered and will have to share the assets we got together. And it is only fair, as we decided to get them together. Even if I would to stay home. I would contribute by taking care of the home, children, chores, food, shopping, allowing the other partner to focus on work and have quality family life, instead of coming back from work to house chores. Like most of us have to face, indeed.
It is only unfair if I decide to give up work against my partner's will or I stay home and do nothing, so my partner still has to do chores after work, without any leisure time in return.
Basically, it is a huge commitment, for good and for worst, for rich and for poor and it goes on till death, even after a divorce, if there are children.

And how would you cope with inheritance tax? Just because your estate isn’t big enough yet doesn’t mean it won’t be soon. £325 000 isn’t alot when you add up property, pensions, insurance etc.