Sad :( friend :(

[TheOpalFox]

Just found out someone I knew commited suicide :( so sad 😩😩😩

That is sad news, I'm so sorry. It must be terrible to feel so bad that you can't envisage a way out x

That must be a horrible shock for you...how very sad

I'm sorry for your loss.

I know it's absolutely not the point, but please say died by suicide. The former harks back to the days when it was a crime, it's no longer used.

Not the time or place.

Stop being so petty, you're right it's absolutely not the point. Sorry about your friend op, my thoughts are with you, their family and friends.

Absolutely the time and the place. Before OP has a chance to use potentially hurtful language to others who loved this person.

I am sorry op. That is such sad news and I hope you have someone to talk to in real life as well.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
X

I'm not being petty.

I work with organisations who support loved ones of those who have died by suicide, I see the damage the phrase causes.

With all the best will in the world it surely is the time and place to mention this. OP is likely to be using these words in the near future so getting it right is important.

@TheOpalFox I am do very sorry, anyone dying by suicide is such an immense shock to everyone around them. It is truly profound. Just do your best with your emotions which may be all over the place. If you feel that you need to talk the Samaritans are there to listen on 116123.

I think it’s the suicide that causes the grief and pain , not the word preceding it. I agree this isn’t the time to pick someone up on their use of language when they are clearly in distress.

And why are these fictitious people more important than the actual real, grieving OP, who apparently deserves to be made to feel stupid and bad when she has come here to seek support in her loss...... Sometimes I absolutely despair of some of the people on here.

OP, I really hope you are ok. Do you want to tell us about your friend ? Or about how you are feeling? And do you have people you can talk to in real life?

Don't be ridiculous, of course it's not the time or place.

I'm so sorry OP.

Do you want to talk about your friend?

I absolutely refuse to believe that someone coping with the death of a loved one in these circumstances is visibly "damaged", not by said, devastating loss, but by exposure to a very commonly used turn of phrase......

Yes, words have power and it is important to try to use them carefully. But seriously, "damage"???

Look, why don't those of you who aren't happy with the way the OP has phrased this, do her and no doubt others a favour by starting a thread telling people you don't want them to say it?

That way you get what you want and the OP (hopefully) gets to come back and use this thread for the reason she started it?

This isn't about you though is it or the training you say you've received, op is here for support, not a lesson in using the "correct" language,

OP please dont be put off by the insensitive remarks on here by some posters. You have had a terrible shock . Most people on here are kind and willing to offer a hand hold if you need it.

FGS

Did they also teach you that it’s a really good idea to police the language of someone who is grieving?

And yet as a MH professional I’ve yet to come across anyone offended by it. I think anyone who has lost someone by suicide isn’t really worried about the language.

OP is of course upset, and entitled to support on this thread. But they are also using a hurtful and loaded word with connotations that put blame on the deceased, and it’s been (kindly) pointed out that there are better ways to describe her friend’s death.

Suicide is the only death where people unthinkingly use language that blames the person who has died. And it all harks back to an era when suicide was a crime, hence the C word. There’s no need for it, and there’s nothing wrong with anyone pointing that out. Especially when OP is likely to be having a lot of conversations regarding suicide etc in the aftermath of a tragedy like this.

Sorry for your loss OP, it will be a terrible shock I imagine.

You sound very self righteous to be supportive.

If a loved one who you are supporting used the term would you correct them. I can't see that being well received given the circumstances

My uncle committed suicide. I don’t think saying he died by suicide changes anything. Not saying what is right or wrong but the wording doesn’t change the outcome or feelings.

You will feel sad and shocked and maybe angry and those are all perfectly natural responses. Don't feel guilty though, this was a decision your friend made.