Sad :( friend :(

[TheOpalFox]

Just found out someone I knew commited suicide :( so sad 😩😩😩

Yes indeed and telling someone, as you did, to fuck off and that they're a horrible person does nothing to help.

I feel punched in the gut seeing the words ''committed...' I understand you feel differently and I am deeply sorry for your devastating loss.

So sorry for your loss. We have lost a friend and a family member and it's such a shocking thing to deal with. Death itself can be such a sudden thing anyway but knowing a person actively chose to die feels like an altogether different level of pain and shock.

I stand by that. Prioritising 'correcting' the language of someone who has appears to have just/ recently found out that their loved one has committed suicide, and is reaching out for support, is absolutely vile. It can only be done by someone who thinks their self-image of being 'kind' is more important than actual having compassion for an actual grieving person. Anyone who does that should absolutely fuck right off. I would have been filled with pain and rage if someone had done that to me in those first days. The absolute heartless coldness of it. Strong language about that is absolutely appropriate if it puts them off ever doing that again.

Im
ao sorry for your loss. 2yrs ago my brother committed suicide. We would find it weird to say he died by suicide. But whatever your choice of wording is right now you in shock at the death of a loved one and i hope you ok.

It's such a horrible shock, and there's always the if only element when someone dies in this way. My friend's son died on a railway line and I'd seen him the day before. There was not a clue he was suicidal, if anything, he seemed upbeat and happy, looking forward to a summer in Ibiza. I go over and over that conversation, wondering if there was a clue that I missed.

Sincere condolences to you, OP, it's all so terribly sad,

So am I. My little nephew who we all adored took his own life last year. It gives me the fucking rage when people say he “committed suicide” for all of the reasons that have been explained throughout this thread.

My nephew took his own life. It has devastated our family, and my god do we wish every single day that he hadn’t. But he didn’t “commit” any wrong or criminal or sinful act. He took the only way he could see as a young teenager that would stop what he saw his as his problems. He chose to end his life.

There is nothing virtue signalling about the language used to describe his death, it is an active choice, after personal experience and after being educated by professionals who are experienced in this field.

It’s clear you feel strongly about this, for good reason, but this is not the right thread to debate language choices. Can you imagine if you’d started a thread for support in those first hours after your nephew’s death, and almost immediately had multiple people insisting, repeatedly, that the way you’d phrased your post was “damaging” and gave them “the rage”? It’s abhorrent, void of all empathy, and I cannot believe somebody who has been through a similarly awful experience wouldn’t be able to see the potential damage that this argument, on this thread, at this moment, could cause to the OP.

I’m truly sorry about your nephew. But the OP needs support, not a critique. You can mute this thread if it upsets you, and start your own thread if you want to inform others about why this matters. But this really is not the time or the place.

🤦🏼‍♀️ Read the room.

I lost my teenage son to suicide two years ago. I couldn’t care less whether people say ‘committed’ or ‘died by’. For me, I don’t like to use the term ‘suicide’ as I still cannot get my head around the fact that this was a deliberate act. I’m not saying it wasn’t, but that I still can’t comprehend it happened. I prefer to say ‘took his life’, or I even describe the method he used, rather than suicide. I know that sounds weird, but it is what it is.

But I’d never police anyone else’s language, even if they were talking to me about my son. I’d just be glad someone was brave enough to talk about him, to be honest.

What has happened to your friend is an absolute tragedy and you will be in shock for a long time. It makes me angry when people want to argue over the language used when what actually matters is that someone has lost a loved one in such tragic circumstances.

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/blog-suicide-bereavement/

I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend. This charity has some good resources. Please do keep talking. It’s important to take care of yourself. X

I'm so sorry for your loss @TheOpalFox , I hope you're ok💐

I never knew that. Makes sense when you think about it. Condolences OP on your loss

I'm very sorry for your loss

Really 🙄

Please don't apologise.
I am so sorry for you and for your friend.

Committed suicide is perfectly acceptable.
Read your audience.

OP, that’s a dreadful shock for you. I’m so sorry.

OP, 12 months ago I lost a friend to suicide and it was such a shock. None of us had any idea.

A year on, all of us (friendship group) still ask what we could have done as our friend gave us no inclination things were this bad for them.

I am so sorry for your loss. If you are able to attend your friend’s funeral, it may help you to say a full goodbye.

I hope the Samaritans can listen and help you through.

Don’t be so utterly ridiculous! If words cause you such ‘damage’ then you’re really going to struggle with life

Not the right time to be bringing this up. Also, 'commited suicide' is just the way it's said. Nobody actually thinks that it's a crime ffs.

Sorry for your loss, and every else who has been affected by suicide.

FFS stop being so pedantic. Regardless of it’s origins it’s now simply a turn of phrase