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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss verbally attacked me

54 replies

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:25

so my boss, (a contractor not perm) in the city, post work drinks the other night, went for me after a few beers, by this I mean he ranted at me, in front of a supplier colleague, for about 5 solid minutes, it was relentless and unprofessional. Be was ranting and raving at volume and in my face at me for not agreeing to something he said earlier, but was mistaken as I did agree! He just wasn’t paying attention! He then ranted some more. Asked if I was telling him how to do his job (I wasn’t) I was crying throughout, but out of shock and frustration rather than scared nor because I’d actually done anything bloody wrong!! I haven’t told anyone at work. DH and Bestie think I should as this bloke has form. (Did this before to a supplier)
i was going to drop it, but i can’t get it out of my head how rude and drunk and agressive he was- especially as was about nothing!! And he now knows that.
he’s so senior and temp, I think work would throw book at him. But I don’t want to be ‘that woman’
what would you do?

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 26/07/2025 23:27

Report to HR

But also learn to toughen up. Instead of crying you should have insisted on speaking up.

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/07/2025 23:28

How did the supplier who witnessed this react? How did this end?

Beamur · 26/07/2025 23:29

I'd write down exactly what you remember happening and being said right now while it's fresh in your mind.
Sleep on it.
Although I wouldn't hesitate to report this. Why shouldn't you be 'that woman '? He hasn't hesitated to be 'that man' has he? Why do you feel any reluctance about this?

Original poster
Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:31

Thank you, I needed to hear this. And I wasn’t bawling, I was eyes streaming and trying to calm him down. I suspect given how he was after only 4/5 beers he has a drink issue or something. Not that that excuses it.

OP posts:
HeyWiggle · 26/07/2025 23:31

Just write everything down factually and email it to HR. Leave it in their hands. Don’t sit with him at work dos and ensure you leave in good time before numbers dwindle.

HeyWiggle · 26/07/2025 23:33

The supplier must have been quite shocked too, sounds like it was some sort of power play, putting you down.

Original poster
Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:33

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/07/2025 23:28

How did the supplier who witnessed this react? How did this end?

He has raised it in writing to his superiors. He was completly horrified, and tried to diffuse the situation. They have told me they will support whatever I want to do next.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:34

(Suppliers boss and senior exec have also reached out to me)

OP posts:
Rattyntatty · 26/07/2025 23:35

Jesus. Be that woman. Noisily and self righteously because he deserves it!

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/07/2025 23:36

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:33

He has raised it in writing to his superiors. He was completly horrified, and tried to diffuse the situation. They have told me they will support whatever I want to do next.

Show quote history

you MUST make a statement! Think of the next person (woman?) he will do this to. Include in your statement say I was crying, and he kept shouting. And it’s not relevant to whether his behaviour was acceptable but his base reason for yelling was that I had disagreed about something earlier. I had disagreed. Again, nothing justifies how he yelled and shouted and said <list> - I’ve never been so upset or felt so unsafe in my life. I can’t work with him.

NamefromNowhere · 26/07/2025 23:38

Absolutely report it. And use the support from the witnesses.

Isittimeformynapyet · 26/07/2025 23:39

Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:33

He has raised it in writing to his superiors. He was completly horrified, and tried to diffuse the situation. They have told me they will support whatever I want to do next.

Show quote history

That's really good news. I think you should absolutely report this. You might be disappointed in yourself down the line if you don't.

Testerical · 26/07/2025 23:40

You have to take action. Otherwise he will get away with it again and your company will wonder why / clock that you are prepared to put up with really poor treatment.

Quite separately I’d have a really good think about why you were trying to smooth things over and calm him down. That’s 100% not your job.

TheGirlattheBack · 26/07/2025 23:41

Don’t think about it as being ‘that woman’, whatever that means. He has brought the company into disrepute by behaving in this manor towards another employee and in front of a supplier. You have a duty to report this so that the company can correct their reputation with their supplier. It is in the company’s best interest to know about this.

Original poster
Fruitbatdancer · 26/07/2025 23:45

I think I’d super naively thought as he didn’t physically attack me, and it wa just words, maybe it’s ok, but it’s not ok is is. I’m the only female on his team. And it’s all slightly complicated as he also knows and has worked for the supplier so it’s all very political if it blows up. But I can’t stop getting upset about it even now! I’m pretty tough (and senior!) but it was horrific!

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 26/07/2025 23:50

Oh for goodness sakes from the response of the supplier and his company you 100% need to ‘be that woman’. This man sounds like a nightmare all round, you’re doing no one a favour (except him who doesn’t deserve it) by sucking it up.

Elderflower14 · 26/07/2025 23:56

Think about it... If you don't report him he may do the same to someone else...!!! 100 percent be "that woman"!!

Velmy · 26/07/2025 23:56

Absolutely report it.

You also need to toughen up and develop some backbone. Nobody gets to rant at another adult for five minutes in public.

"We'll continue this conversation in the office on Monday", then turn your back or walk away. If they continue after that, get your phone out and start recording, or tell them to fuck off.

You'll be amazed how quiet these maggots get when you stand up to them, or ask them to justify their behavior in front of others.

HelloGreen · 26/07/2025 23:56

Why did you stand still for five minutes?? Next time turn and walk away!

JammyGeorge · 27/07/2025 00:04

I had something very similar happen to me a long time ago when I was young. Work drinks all fine then from absolutely nowhere a v senior manager launched a tirade of abuse at me. It was unbelievable. I couldn’t get my head round it as I’d never experienced anything like it and I haven’t in the 20 years since. I did nothing about it, which I regret. Then a few months later I witnessed him do the same to another junior, over nothing.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you have the support you need to address it formally. You absolutely will not be the only person this has happened to.

isthatmyage · 27/07/2025 00:12

OP please call this out, for your sake and all the amazing trailblazers behind you xx

Givenupshopping · 27/07/2025 00:15

Another one encouraging you to report this arsehole! What a way to behave in front of a supplier. In your shoes I would definitely have told him that he was well out of line, and then turned my back on him and walked away, although it's easy for us to be wise after the event. Shame you were too shocked to film his behaviour, but you obviously have a very good witness, who is prepared to speak up for you, so please DO report him, he deserves to lose his job over this.

samplesalequeen · 27/07/2025 00:20

Nail the bastard. Have the email to HR ready by Monday morning. 9am hit send.

Topseyt123 · 27/07/2025 00:20

You report it to HR and anyone else who will listen. Absolutely be that woman. Why the hell not? He's a shit who fully deserves it. Take all the support the supplier/client is offering.

Personally, I don't think I could have stood there for 5 minutes and tried to pacify him. I think that trying to pacify an aggressive drunk (it really was aggression) is a hiding to nothing and will get you nowhere.

This says much more about him than about you. He's nasty and shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. He might have targeted you because you are a woman. I suspect he wouldn't have ranted like that to another man.

Tangfastic71 · 27/07/2025 00:27

Please report. The best thing I ever did for my self esteem at work was to report an idiot boss.